Of the many many things we have dealt with lately here is just a brief rundown (just so you get the general picture)
1. divorce due to incestuous father (much more drama there then I could possibly explain...)
2. Abandonment by his whole family...all of them...EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. my children not only lost a father...such as he was...they lost aunts...cousins...a grandma etc a wholesale clearing house of "family" that have known them since the day they were born...and yet turned their backs without a backward glance. I do believe that wholesale abandonment has hurt my children far more then anything else. They have lost faith in people to "say what they mean"...and "mean what they say"...if you know what I mean.
3. Much drama involving the neighborhood "Wahabbis" (everything from young kids to old pains in the ass)...everyone felt obliged to weigh in and give their opinion about the goings on in my home...with either me or my children (especially my girls). It was not uncommon for rude things to be shouted from car windows...messages left on my car window...phone calls... and just rumor and gossip to pass the time...thats what we were...my children and I...something to gossip about and pass the time among the Oh So Pious Muslims that felt we needed gossiping about...it gets so tiring.
4. Eventually the drama became too much so my sister came here (first time ever) just to take my two girls back to the states with her...with the intention that the boys and I would follow later. I needed the girls to get away from this drama and have some time to heal and get perspective. It seemed like a good decision at the time. They went to the states last July 08.
5. The boys and I got on with it...missing the girls...fending off comments people were making about how I "sent my daughters away" because of the shame "they" caused to the family etc. (funny how nobody was talking about the Ass and his destruction of a family....figures) The girls were doing ok...needing time to adjust and all...but that was expected. Life went on.
6. Around Nov there was some drama back home...misunderstandings and a boiling point reached...(just imagine...small house...2 new additions...culture shock and an only child that had never had to share in her life etc...makes for a slow burning fuse...but you cant see these things coming most of the time). I ended up going to the states with my youngest son unexpectedly...to calm the situation down and try and start a life there. I left my two older boys with my best friend with the understanding they would come in the summer. It was too soon as it turned out...things werent settled here and things werent working out there (just so happens the economy was in a nosedive etc...thanks economy).
To make matters worse...my 17 year old started showing signs of mental breakdown...without going into detail here...lets just say he was starting to scare people with his strange behaviors (hindsight...oh I hate hindsight...tells me he was showing these signs before I left...but I understood it to be anger and just general teenage drama over the situation etc...although that was probably part of it). So there I was in America...trying to start a brand new life in a sucking economy with a crappy C.V. (it wasnt happening)...and getting news that my son was falling to pieces. Not to mention the Ass and his family had discovered I was gone and started some drama on their own...as well as the Ass decided he didnt need to pay child support anymore since I wasnt here to enforce it. For many reasons I needed to come back.
Of course with no money I had to rely on friends (one in particular...you know who you are girl) and I had to make the tough decision to leave my youngest son there. For one the schooling was far better...he was enjoying himself...and we just couldnt afford to bring him back at that time. To make the decision easier I had been offered a very good job in Bahrain while in the states...so assumed I would be coming back to a decent income...compared to no income over there...it was deemed worth it. So I came back with a heavy heart but with expectations based on promises given.
7. Upon arrival I found a therapist for my son (he is on meds as well)...took the Ass to court (currently dealing with that) and discovered that the job was no longer available. I have been unlucky in securing a job every since I arrived here months ago. Im depending on friends etc to pay our bills and make life bearable.
8. To add just one more straw to the camels back...some more drama back home (for which I do not blame my daughter in the least...she did her best) and Im shocked to discover my sis has made the decision to send my youngest daughter back without even discussing it with me first. I had just days to prepare for her...and now here she is. Im so very happy to see her...but there is a serious problem...and this problem is the reason for this post.
Now pretty much all those problems and events listed above were lived through and put behind us (for the most part...some of it is being stubborn and wont cut loose easily)...you get through it...past it...and move on...no problem. (ok I dont always get past it but Im trying).
Here is the problem people. My daughter is in the 9th grade. She has just 6 weeks of schooling left in America to complete the 9th grade (Im sure those readers in the states know the school schedule better than me)....schools here are pretty much the same...just a short time left. Why my sister chose to send her back at this time I will never know...it just doesnt seem like something she would do...however...its done...now I need to fix this problem...the problem being I cant find a school that will take her in and let her graduate the 9th grade. There isnt enough time left every single one of them has told me. I even checked with the embassy...they cant help me. I checked with every source I could find searching every avenue...no luck. If she stays here folks...she will have to repeat the 9th grade next year...7 months of school wasted...7 months of school in which she went from a C average student to an honor roll student.
I cannot bear the thought of my daughter having to repeat the 9th grade merely because the adults in her life made some bad choices regarding her. She isnt failing the 9th grade...she doesnt need another year to "catch up" with the other students etc...she is on the honor roll for Gods sake...and yet she feels like a loser now...a failure...just one more straw on Her camels back....through no fault of her own.
It seems my ONLY solution...the only way I can ensure she finishes her year and gets her 9th grade certificate is to send her BACK to Texas and let her finish her few remaining weeks of school. There is no other solution. The school says if she returns by the 27th she can still maintain her attendance...catch up with what she missed...and take her finals etc. So the 27th is my target...my deadline.
Now if just sending her back was my only problem...then there wouldnt really be a problem...the REAL problem is that I have nowhere to send her to. Obviously my sisters home is no longer an option. I suppose if I begged her she might relent out of feelings of guilt etc...but then I would be subjecting my daughter to living in an environment in which she "isnt wanted" for whatever reasons they have come up. I dont want anymore family drama if I can prevent it.
So my solution would be to have my 21 year old daughter take care of her for the next month and a half or so until school finishes and then send her back to me...along with my son. Chances are high I will not be able to return to the states this year simply because I cant afford it...the trip with all the kids...and just plain living there the way things are...waaay to expensive for me...I cant manage it I know. But staying with her sis would require somewhere for them to live....as my oldest daughter still lives with my sis. (sorry...is that confusing). I would need money for them to rent an apartment for a short duration or something. I dont have that obviously as I havent worked.
On the other hand I could return with her...rent some place and bring her and my son back when school finishes by the end of May I believe...but again...it requires money.
So here are my options:
1. send her back alone...stays with sis in some apartment or hotel until school finishes...bring her back with brother
2. I return with her...same set up...then bring her back with brother
3. give up and let her repeat 9th grade and consider it a learning experience...ugh (and possibly another secretly hidden reason to resent me...sigh)...but will still need to bring brother back in summer
Im at a serious crossroad here my friends and readers...no matter which choice I make...I NEED SOME MONEY TO FULL FILL IT...I dont have any...at all. My daughters 9th grade school year is possibly wasted simply because I made bad choices for her...and I now cant rectify them because I cant find a freakin job so I can fix the horrible mistake that has happened to her through no fault of her own.
If she was still struggling in school...if she was still apathetic about it like she was before...if she showed no real interest in maintaining her honor roll grades etc and seemed to not "mind" repeating the 9th grade here...I might not be so determined and torn up about this...but she is taking this very hard. She feels like a failure yet again...and is doing terrible things to my heart...I want to fix this.
Ok I know...people write letters to someone...it gets passed to someone else...this and that...here and there...then suddenly Oprah is talking about it on live TV and we are all basking in the joy of witnessing yet again the miracle of "people reaching out to strangers and helping them in some way"...yes...they make us cry and feel good...but does it really happen? Are those "feel good" episodes on Oprah etc just made up shit for the viewing public...or are they real?
I hope they are real...I hope there are really people out there like that...cause I need one of those people (or several) to read this post and feel sufficiently moved by my daughters dilemma to want to help us...otherwise I havent a clue what to do to fix this...and she will suffer one of my bad choices yet again. I hope I can prevent that...I hope.
So here is my pitch...such as it is.
If there is any kind reader out there...who feels as outraged by this turn of events as I do....but unlike me is in a position to do something about it...I would be forever in your debt if you would find it in your heart to help us get her back home for 6 weeks to finish her school year...get her certificate...then return to me and start the 10th grade just like she deserves to next school year.
The help I need is:
1. A return ticket from Bahrain to Dallas to Bahrain...by the 25th to ensure she arrives back to school by the 27th of April.
2. Adequate money for my older daughter to rent a cheap but decent hotel or apartment for this length of time. Once the need is gone...the living arrangement will be cancelled.
3. And while it will be my every intention to pay this person(persons) back in my lifetime as soon as I possibly can...I would hope that this person (persons) will acknowledge the fact that that might take an awful long time and be patient with me...but it will NEVER be forgotten or ignored.
Thats it folks. The post and request is made. What comes of it I cant say...I can only hope...hope for my daughter because seriously...Ive made a hash of her life...the lives of her siblings...by making decisions for them based mostly of wishful thinking...wishful thinking that that choice will "make things better" for them...ugh! Sending her to American was better for her...she improved herself in so many ways (not that she has ever been a "bad" girl...but she had some issues) and sending her back I feel was a grave mistake on my sisters part...but it cant be undone...it can only be fixed...this is the only way I can think of to fix it.
Thanks for reading...I dont expect anything...I can only ask.
btw for those Anons that get on here and kick my ass and say I have screwed up my kids lives and deserve all this headache etc (and I know your out there)...believe me...I couldnt agree more with you...but feel free to express your self righteous soap box rant anyhow. I can take it.
I cant help and defend myself just a tad bit and say that everything that has happened has been the result of that first bit of snow sliding down the hill.
1. abusive father resulted in me choosing my "father" as a husband (ask psychiatrist, we abused victims tend to marry our abusers, metaphorically speaking)
2. abusive controlling husband made a 20 year marriage in a foreign country a living nightmare...laws that prevented me from seeking justice kept me prisoner in a cage without bars.
3. the only thing that afforded me to finally divorce that shit was to discover he was raping his own daughters from a young age. the mysogynistic mans world that I live in means not much is done about sexual crimes and the culture would rather blame the female child then her father
4. having spent 20 years of my life basically locked up in my house in a foreign country with no job, education, or even friends for the most part means Im started divorced life at age 38 knowing nothing about how to do all these things I should know how to do. Ive never been given the chance to learn them...everything was forbidden to me. Im not even very socialable because I havent spent a whole lot of time around people. It was forbidden....etc etc
5. Im learning how to be a single mom while having to learn to be an adult with all its responsibilities all at the same time...sorry folks..its not easy...and Ive made some mistakes. Some big and some small...but whatever the size....my kids suffer from it all the same.
6. So the situation my children and I find ourselves in was not entirely of our own doing...others forced us down this path against our wills...but we are on it non the less...now how do we correct it.
I dont make choices assuming they will fail. I dont make choices hoping they will fail. I dont make choices wishing they turn out bad and we all suffer even more...Im on a learning curve people...I dont always learn it the first time...but its worth it to try again....right? My kids are worth it.
All I want is a proper chance for them. I sent them there thinking that was their chance. For awhile it was...now fate, destiny, the Hand of God has decided its not the right place for them anymore....so they need to come back to me.
How do you even start to make a decision on your next move...when all the cards in your hand are crap...and the dealer is out to screw up all your chances of even bluffing your way out of it. Im lost. What do I do next? What do I tell my kids now?