I am a published writer...of sorts. Woohoo!!

http://weekender.bh/e_paper_pdf/17_04_2014/epaper.pdf

Hey, everyone. A local newspaper here, The Weekender, started a new thing in which writers' can send in stories and have them printed if the staff likes them. As soon as I heard about it I sent in one of mine (it's on this blog somewhere) and I quickly got a call from them about it. Apparently they really liked it and asked me about myself and why I wrote it etc.. At first the editor wanted me to change a few things, give the character a name and other things and then said he would print the story after the changes were made. I said OK even though I like it the way it is but it's not a big deal. He hung up but called back ten minutes later and said we decided we love the story just as it is, don't change anything. We will print it this week and we would like you to send in more stories if you have them. 

If I have them? I may have a few here and there. Ha ha. 

The cool thing (more coolness) is that they made my story into a competition by asking readers to come up with an ending for it. Actually, the story is complete as it is but he wanted to make it interactive. No matter, I am a published writer (an unpaid one but who cares). This could be a stepping stone for me, never know. 

Check it out. I'm famous for a min. 

I LOOOOVE My Jeep..You Haters Can Bite Me!!!

This is my little red jeep I write about now and then...or my Red Hot Box as I lovingly refer to her on occasion...or even my "poor jeep" as she is forced to be called because red seems to attract the crazies when it comes to driving. Never seen so many drivers just lose their minds when she comes anywhere near them...and seemingly make a beeline right for her...the near misses are too numerous to count.

I bought her about 2 years ago brand new. It was my first ever purchase of anything of significance...first new car I have ever had...and first time I put myself in debt to own something...Whew!!! a lot of firsts with this girl.

From the moment I walked into the Daihatsu showroom and seen her sitting there all sparkly under the spotlight I knew she was going home with me. She called out to me and I answered with gleeful abandon. Its been a love affair every since.


In the two years Ive had her nothing has ever gone wrong or caused me hardship...other than the mindless idiots that are determined to take her from me with their constant need to validate their day by crashing into someone else...sigh!!! She has been in a few crashes...but none of them were her fault...she's very careful and ever mindful of safety first. The people at Daihatsu garage are always happy to bring her back to pristine condition. Right now she has some scrapes and bruising that need to be taken care of...but shes still beautiful to look at.

I smile every time I go and take her for a drive. She always seems happy to see me too...making zippy little engine noises and quick to answer my every command with accuracy and agility. Its an added plus that I can pretty much park her wherever I want...she fits right into the smallest of gaps....or up onto a sidewalk and over to the dirt area (shush..dont tell...but traffic is dreadful and sometimes you gotta do what you can to keep your sanity).

She is a dream and I highly recommend any potential car buyer to check out her sisters and take one home. You wont be disappointed. Her ability to just go and go on one tank of gas leaves you making bets as to just how much farther she will go even when her gas light has been on for "quite some time". (sorry girl...times are tough....money is low...mommy doesnt mean to make you drink from the bottom so often)

Now here is my beef. Nobody seems to consider her a bonafide jeep...they act as if she is just a jeep wannabe and has no right to even be so high off the ground and look all jeepy like. Ive lost count of the number of times people ask me when am I going to get a "real" jeep!!! Such blasphemy...Im always careful to reprimand them in front of her so her feelings are not hurt. I wouldnt trade her for the biggest baddest gas guzzling jeep on the market today...shes my baby...my comfort...my space for some solitude and my taste for adventure fullfilled.

In a world (my world) where so many things are tough and hard to get through...where bills pile up and friends become enemies over petty stuff...where families are separated and the net is slooooow...at least I have my little jeep to take me away from it all...we go for a cruise...windows down...cd's playing...no worries.

Heaven!!!

btw...as much as I love you daughter of mine...NO I will not send her to you in the states...I love you with all my heart...but thats just pushing it.

Hey Dude....where do I park my car?

I walked outside last night to discover a parking ticket on my jeep. My jeep happens to be parked about 6 feet from my door. As some might know by now...I live in Hidd. Hidd is basically one long road running right down the middle of the town with a few smaller roads turning off...and then the little alley ways not much wider than the cars that drive through them. 11 years ago when I moved to Hidd there actually werent that many cars for the amount of people here. It was rather refreshing not to compete with traffic when walking...or when parking. Now days though...Hidd is congested...there literally is no where to park(as in many many places around Bahrain). In my particular little patch of neighborhood...its just the street or nothing. Back behind my flat is the Hidd fish and meat market...but they get extremely irritated and possessive about their small patch of parking spaces. The few times I parked over night there...I went out in the morning to find a sign on my car ordering me not to park there again...I can take a hint(eventually)...but really...where are we supposed to park our cars?

Im really ticked off I got this ticket considering my car was not blocking traffic...there is not a "no parking" sign anywhere in the vicinity...and Ive seen people park in much worse areas and not have a ticket stuck to their window....talk about injustice. Now my problem is...I have no one to complain too. In American if we feel a ticket was given unjustly we can argue against it in traffic court...and quite often the judge will judge in your favour...and sometimes not...but at least your given the chance to air your grievances. Here...what am I to do with a ticket that I believe was given unfairly...suck it up and pay it is all the advice I have been given with much shrugging of shoulders and cursing of the traffic laws and dirth of parking spaces.

Im starting to believe the traffic dept are in cahoots with the Minister of whoever the hell is doing the infrastructure planning in this shoebox size island with a population much to big for it(lets not mention those wide open spaces taking up much the middle of Bahrain...shhhhh...lets not go there)...they are handing out parking tickets left and right...but giving us no options of parking legally in many area...its either park illegally(according to whatever traffic cop wanders by and has a quota to fill) or park a hell of a long way from where you want to be and hoof it to your destination....I know exercise is good for the body...but everyone deserves to park reasonably close to their residence...is that too much to ask for?

It would be nice if I could go drag somebody from the Ministry of Confusing and Destructive Infrastructure Planning down here to Hidd and let them suggest a suitable parking spot for me...so that I dont rack up some more parking tickets while parking a mere 6 feet from my door. Ive currently racked up two...and considering that parking is not getting any better...I can probably look forward to adding to it...yay me....sigh!

A Not So Comedy of Errors!

Its enough that we are subjected to the daily mindboggling antics of Mindless Blind Idiots zigging and zagging with care free abandon across congested lanes of traffic, through red lights and, quite often, merging into traffic as smoothly as an elephant merging into a rhino at a jungle intersection...but when their careless abandon intrudes into My Personal Space...why is it that things always go from bad to worse...almost as if in accordance with some divinely written script aptly named.."A Not So Comedy of Errors"?

Interesting enough for such a hilarious play...there arent that many actors. In my little fiasco we have just 4...including myself. First there are the 2 Mindless Blind Idiot Giggly Girls mentioned recently in a previous post...I thought I was finished with them way back in Aug but it seems they have returned for an encore. Then there is one Mentally Deficient Computer Operator that can put figures into a computer at the speed of drying paint...but needs directions on how to turn a piece of paper over. And one very laid back Traffic Dept Employee who not only needs a course on customer service but should seriously seek therapy to remove the large chip on his shoulder he has for those that ask him to move his sizable butt and actually do his job. Heaven forbid he earn his peso and help someone else get justice in the process. Then, of course, there is me...Im the innocent bystander that always gets sucked into other peoples nightmares in the movies...you know the one that usually gets seriously abused throughout the movie and is still wondering at the end what the hell happened? That would be me.

Its been proven that stand up comedy is best received when you dont use a whole lot of props etc to make your point. Facial expressions are good...the pinched nose as if something smells(a hint to the customer that its probably you)...staring at the computer screen earnestly as if the winning lotto numbers are there and your pretty darn sure their yours in order to avoid eye contact and thus action must be taken...and the always popular vacant stare...that lets you know someone has taken a mental break and all further talk is useless. Im surprised more employees are not physically harmed by irate customers when these facial expressions are used without thought for personal safety.

Then there is body language...such as a shrugging of the shoulders that says "its out of my hands, what do you want me to do?" And the always popular...heartfelt sigh. When the point has been reached that the employee is no longer listening and the customer is just whistling in the wind...the heartfelt sigh comes out to let you know that you are such a burden on their otherwise sedentary day. There must be some secret night class given for the employees of the Traffic Dept for I swear they were all diploma holders in the Facial Expression/Body Language dept.

At any rate....lets set the scene for this three act play. The first act was way back in Aug when Idiot Giggly Girls tried to play Lets Wipe Out a Whole Family while attempting to flirt and show off their considerable ass(ets) while behind the wheel of a car. End result was my much maligned Jeep having considerable contact with the two Studly Boys who were attempting to get closer to the action. Giggly Girls zoomed off unscathed but not before their license plate number was taken.(although I missed the looks on their faces when the cops showed up at their door later that night...Im sure it was similar to the look any would be criminal would have who thinks she's gotten away clean from the crime...very satisfying for me either way)

Scene two...a full 3 hours at the police station in which much shouting and accusations against myself were slung through the air...it would seem that the two Giggly Girls were seriously pissed off that I had the nerve to take their plate number and drag them into this mess that they had absolutely nothing to do with...they were so innocent that even dear daddy was willing to swear he was there and saw the whole thing...I might add that this accident took place at the top of the bridge going through Muharraq at 11 pm...so where dear daddy was standing exactly and how he came to be there at just the right moment still leaves much for debate about the mysteries of coincidence. 5 full hours in the Traffic Dept the next day resulted in Giggly Girls being rightly blamed for the whole shebang and their insurance having to pay for the lot. Justice was served...lets all go to Burger King and celebrate.

But hold on a minute...dont get up...scene three is the best part. 7 months later when poor maligned Jeep was once again assualted by a Mindless Blind Idiot...a trip to the insurance company left me speechless. It would seem that my name was written as the offending party in the previous accident. What? How the hell did that happen...and how come nobody told me? A quick march over to the Traffic Dept to sort out this little mess is real the true comedy begins.

First it seems that to be involved in a traffic accident in Bahrain is pretty much as common as putting on two shoes in the morning ...in other words...just about everyone has their taste of Traffic Dept follies sooner or later. That place was so crowded and noisy...a riot would have gone unnoticed. I wont bore you with my 3 hours of constant shuffling from one employee to another...each utilizing the facial expressions and body language to full effect...until it was finally determined how my name came to be written as the offender in that accident.

1. first traffic cop writes up his little report...with little squiggly lines and arrows showing the action.
2. desk cop writes up his report putting names in little boxes on front of report but indicating that a full version of events is written out on back of report.
3. computer operator inserts data into computer without bothering to turn sheet over and read full report...only sees some names and quickly types them in.

So my name is written in the offenders box because some lazy employee couldnt be bothered to read and understand before typing. Now here is the truly interesting part...when I suggested to desk cop that they look at old report they will quickly see that the insurance claim was wrong and my name should be removed. He shrugged and said that old reports were kept in the Archives Room...I suggested he move his..ahem...kind self and go retrieve it so we could all finish up and go home. He let me know that while old reports were saved in the Archices room...no care was taken into organizing said room and so to find my one single report would probably be impossible...in other words...he wasnt even going to try.

So, lets get all the details lined up here in my little Comedy of Errors. Giggly Girls nearly shorten my life and the lives of my children playing their deadly games...Computer Operator has other things on his or her mind while typing my report and fails to insert correct data where appropriate...and desk cop cant be bothered to do his job because lazy employees wont do theirs by keeping Archives Room(which is there for just such cases as mine) in a ordered fashion to make life easier for all concerned. So now my name is in the offenders box...my insurance is made to pay...which means I pay eventually...and there is little I can do to rectify this....other than pass out flyers advertising the opening night of my Not So Comedy of Errors and hope its a sellout...Id be crying if I wasnt laughing...gotta love the sheer ineptitude and deeply ingrained "Its Not My Job" attitude that so many here in Bahrain live by. What is it...some kind of Motto?

Urban myths are true?

Its kind of funny when we make off hand remarks that seem fairly rediculous and without meaning at some point in our lives...only to realize those remarks have returned to bite us in the ass and remind us...that off hand remarks are not always rediculous and without meaning.

Last June I walked into a Daihatsu dealership...with the intention of buying a red something...didnt care what it was to tell the truth but I knew I wanted it to be red. I wanted a red vehicle...had wanted one for a long time...dont ask me why...just a bee in my bonnet. I told my best friend..."if there is a red jeep available, Im getting it."...ha ha...there was one...only one...and it was on sell...woo hoo my lucky day had arrived!....sigh.

While the dealer was writing up the paperwork, my friend and I sat inside and admired all the nifty little gadgets etc...and she kept remarking about how come "this flashy beautiful red jeep was still not sold...even though it was nicer than the other colors?" Heres where the off hand remark came in...I said..."well you know that red colored vehicles are involved in more accidents than any other color...its been proven." Now I actually have read that somewhere but I cant remember whether it was something statistical or something someone said cause they hate red cars...I dont know...but it seemed pretty plausible at the time. Immediately she jumped from the jeep and forbid me to buy it..."how can you buy a red jeep knowing its going to get in a crash?" she shrieked. I laughed...ha ha ha...(oh how I laughed)...its just a myth...dont worry...my chances are just as good as you in your green car...its all the same....sigh(again).

So....10 months later and Im starting to think it was something statistical that I read about red cars...either that or people just have it out for my jeep and want to see it begin its next life as a lead paperweight post haste. I have had white cars...blue cars...even an ugly yellow jeep once that all ready had quite a lot of damage on it when I got it...and none of them suffered what this poor red jeep has suffered during the times that I owned them.

Here is a short list of indignities suffered by my red jeep at the hands of the uncaring public...or as I like to refer to them....Mindless Blind Idiots.

1. Within 2 short days of having it...while parked innocently outside my house...it received a unwarranted assault by an unknown assailant that resulted in a rather large dent on the front passenger side area...between the hood and wheel...had to be done on purpose as it was on top more or less...couldnt have been done by a careless passing car....sigh.

2. Was forced to play tag with some Mindless Blind Idiot giggly girls that assumed erroneously that a RedFlashy Jeep must be owned by a Hot Guy that wanted to flirt with two Mindless Blind Idiot giggly girls...which resulted in me being side swiped by two equally Mindless Blind Idiot macho boys that had seen the previously mentioned idiot girls and were trying to get in on the action....my jeep was the collateral damage in this "game of giggly fun"...sigh.

3. A very large bus driven by a Mindless Blind Idiot man decided that arrows on the road and traffic signals pointing the way were of no use to him when what he really wanted to do was turn left ....even though he was in the right lane...apparently it never occured to Mindless Blind Idiot man that while he could disregard all arrows guiding him forward and turn left anyhow...other drivers might not have the ability to read his empty head and react accordingly to avoid the unavoidable ....once again...poor red jeep was assualted.

4. While recently arriving home...ready to put my lovely innocent red jeep to bed for the night...Mindless Blind Idiot man decided that alleyways were shortcuts and looking before darting out of said alley was for wussies and the faint of heart...

resulting in a further assualt to my rapidly disintergrating red jeep caused by those "driving" on the road and others who think parking lots are real life versions of bumper cars. I have not had time to take my poor jeep to the garage for the other accidents...when a new one pops up to add to the damage. Keeping all these accident reports separate is becoming quite a chore. Not to mention the continued drama of trying to convince Mindless Blind Idiots that while they are Bahrainis and, yes, this is their country...driving their cars as if they are playing the latest PS2 game does not qualify one as a Formula One driver...nor does it exempt one from obeying simple traffic rules.

What is it about red that attracts people like moths to a flame...is my flaming red jeep hostile to the eye of an otherwise law abiding fellow driver....does my jeep cause a rage similar to the affect a red snapping cape has on a single minded raging bull? Am I a matador waving my red jeep in the face of usually placid cows(drivers) and so the fault is really mine for having the nerve to want to own a red vehicle in the first place....in the future I fear there will be a traffic law that states...article 567 of the traffic penal code...if you are in an accident in which a red car is one of the parties involved...automatically the owner of the red car is at fault and libel for all charges...ouch! Its coming...just wait.

My beautiful red jeep of less than one year...now has a full ring of damage the encirlces the entire vehicle...there is not one spot left without a ding..scratch...dent...or just outright body damage. Im sure my jeep still loves me...but is probably wishing I had gone to Honda that day.

The "myth" of the red vehicle seems to be alive and, unfortunately, very true...this could be the reason why...when Oprah gave a parking lot of new cars away to her audience...there was not one single red car in the bunch...Oprah was not taking any chances of being the defendent in a lawsuit...in which the free red car she gave to a greedy audience member was involved in an altercation with a Mindless Blind Idiot...you just cant escape the fact that sometimes...urban myths are true....sigh. Im considering getting a bicycle...not red of course....sigh.