Monday, May 5, 2008

A Not So Comedy of Errors!

Its enough that we are subjected to the daily mindboggling antics of Mindless Blind Idiots zigging and zagging with care free abandon across congested lanes of traffic, through red lights and, quite often, merging into traffic as smoothly as an elephant merging into a rhino at a jungle intersection...but when their careless abandon intrudes into My Personal Space...why is it that things always go from bad to worse...almost as if in accordance with some divinely written script aptly named.."A Not So Comedy of Errors"?

Interesting enough for such a hilarious play...there arent that many actors. In my little fiasco we have just 4...including myself. First there are the 2 Mindless Blind Idiot Giggly Girls mentioned recently in a previous post...I thought I was finished with them way back in Aug but it seems they have returned for an encore. Then there is one Mentally Deficient Computer Operator that can put figures into a computer at the speed of drying paint...but needs directions on how to turn a piece of paper over. And one very laid back Traffic Dept Employee who not only needs a course on customer service but should seriously seek therapy to remove the large chip on his shoulder he has for those that ask him to move his sizable butt and actually do his job. Heaven forbid he earn his peso and help someone else get justice in the process. Then, of course, there is me...Im the innocent bystander that always gets sucked into other peoples nightmares in the know the one that usually gets seriously abused throughout the movie and is still wondering at the end what the hell happened? That would be me.

Its been proven that stand up comedy is best received when you dont use a whole lot of props etc to make your point. Facial expressions are good...the pinched nose as if something smells(a hint to the customer that its probably you)...staring at the computer screen earnestly as if the winning lotto numbers are there and your pretty darn sure their yours in order to avoid eye contact and thus action must be taken...and the always popular vacant stare...that lets you know someone has taken a mental break and all further talk is useless. Im surprised more employees are not physically harmed by irate customers when these facial expressions are used without thought for personal safety.

Then there is body language...such as a shrugging of the shoulders that says "its out of my hands, what do you want me to do?" And the always popular...heartfelt sigh. When the point has been reached that the employee is no longer listening and the customer is just whistling in the wind...the heartfelt sigh comes out to let you know that you are such a burden on their otherwise sedentary day. There must be some secret night class given for the employees of the Traffic Dept for I swear they were all diploma holders in the Facial Expression/Body Language dept.

At any rate....lets set the scene for this three act play. The first act was way back in Aug when Idiot Giggly Girls tried to play Lets Wipe Out a Whole Family while attempting to flirt and show off their considerable ass(ets) while behind the wheel of a car. End result was my much maligned Jeep having considerable contact with the two Studly Boys who were attempting to get closer to the action. Giggly Girls zoomed off unscathed but not before their license plate number was taken.(although I missed the looks on their faces when the cops showed up at their door later that night...Im sure it was similar to the look any would be criminal would have who thinks she's gotten away clean from the crime...very satisfying for me either way)

Scene two...a full 3 hours at the police station in which much shouting and accusations against myself were slung through the would seem that the two Giggly Girls were seriously pissed off that I had the nerve to take their plate number and drag them into this mess that they had absolutely nothing to do with...they were so innocent that even dear daddy was willing to swear he was there and saw the whole thing...I might add that this accident took place at the top of the bridge going through Muharraq at 11 where dear daddy was standing exactly and how he came to be there at just the right moment still leaves much for debate about the mysteries of coincidence. 5 full hours in the Traffic Dept the next day resulted in Giggly Girls being rightly blamed for the whole shebang and their insurance having to pay for the lot. Justice was served...lets all go to Burger King and celebrate.

But hold on a minute...dont get up...scene three is the best part. 7 months later when poor maligned Jeep was once again assualted by a Mindless Blind Idiot...a trip to the insurance company left me speechless. It would seem that my name was written as the offending party in the previous accident. What? How the hell did that happen...and how come nobody told me? A quick march over to the Traffic Dept to sort out this little mess is real the true comedy begins.

First it seems that to be involved in a traffic accident in Bahrain is pretty much as common as putting on two shoes in the morning other words...just about everyone has their taste of Traffic Dept follies sooner or later. That place was so crowded and noisy...a riot would have gone unnoticed. I wont bore you with my 3 hours of constant shuffling from one employee to another...each utilizing the facial expressions and body language to full effect...until it was finally determined how my name came to be written as the offender in that accident.

1. first traffic cop writes up his little report...with little squiggly lines and arrows showing the action.
2. desk cop writes up his report putting names in little boxes on front of report but indicating that a full version of events is written out on back of report.
3. computer operator inserts data into computer without bothering to turn sheet over and read full report...only sees some names and quickly types them in.

So my name is written in the offenders box because some lazy employee couldnt be bothered to read and understand before typing. Now here is the truly interesting part...when I suggested to desk cop that they look at old report they will quickly see that the insurance claim was wrong and my name should be removed. He shrugged and said that old reports were kept in the Archives Room...I suggested he move his..ahem...kind self and go retrieve it so we could all finish up and go home. He let me know that while old reports were saved in the Archices care was taken into organizing said room and so to find my one single report would probably be other words...he wasnt even going to try.

So, lets get all the details lined up here in my little Comedy of Errors. Giggly Girls nearly shorten my life and the lives of my children playing their deadly games...Computer Operator has other things on his or her mind while typing my report and fails to insert correct data where appropriate...and desk cop cant be bothered to do his job because lazy employees wont do theirs by keeping Archives Room(which is there for just such cases as mine) in a ordered fashion to make life easier for all concerned. So now my name is in the offenders insurance is made to pay...which means I pay eventually...and there is little I can do to rectify this....other than pass out flyers advertising the opening night of my Not So Comedy of Errors and hope its a sellout...Id be crying if I wasnt laughing...gotta love the sheer ineptitude and deeply ingrained "Its Not My Job" attitude that so many here in Bahrain live by. What is it...some kind of Motto?

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