There is a process we go through once we realized we've lost something...whether it be keys...a receipt...even our car in a multi storey carpark. We first try to remember the last place we saw that item...look there...if its not there then we think of where it must be if its not in its usual place...basically we backtrack until the lost item is eventually found. Most lost items are found either by diligent searching or completely by accident (I once found the remote for the tv in the fridge...much questioning among the household members did not reveal how it came to be there)...but sometimes...things once lost...stay lost.
When we lose something that really has no value to us...such as a hat...or maybe a pair of sunglasses...we may spend a moment in private self recriminations on how can we be so scattered or empty headed when it comes to keeping our things where we can find them...but then we move on with our lives. A lost glove or pair of glasses does not end the world....but what happens when we've lost something that needs to be found? What happens when finding that missing thing is detrimental to our future...to our psyche...to our inner equalibrium and belief in who we are...what happens when lost things stay lost?
Of course we know that somethings just cant be found...cant be gotten back once lost...the most obvious thing being "time". A minute lost is lost forever...our youth once gone is gone. Many people have gone searching for youth...they imagine they've found it with the purchase of a new red sport car or a new young girlfriend or wife (holds true for women I suppose as well...all though I dare say women generally dont look for youth in a motor vehicle or young lover...but I could be wrong). However, what do we do when we lose something that could possibly be found again...we just dont know where to look? We cant really remember where the last place we saw it was...or even when? How do you find something that your not sure where you were when you lost it...and dont know where to look in order to find it again?
See...heres the thing....Ive lost God...Ive spent considerable time searching for God...looked in all the usual places I often found God before...like in prayer...or in the Quran. I searched diligently in those areas but came up with nothing...God wasnt there. I searched in the mosque but that seems to be the last place I would find God since women arent generally accepted in the mosque here (other then Ramadan or Eid...go figure) so how can I adequately search for God in a place Im not even welcome for the most part? I tried looking for God among my fellow Muslims...but all I found was large doses of hypocrisy and self righteousness...of women haters and kafir bashers...I found jihadists and extremists and Muslims in name only...but I didnt find God...I heard God might have been there just before I arrived...but was long gone by the time I made the scene...I still looked around...hoping to catch a glimpse...no luck.
Last but hopefully not least...I searched for God within me. I lay in bed at night and just search my mind..my heart...my soul...looking for even the faintist piece of evidence that God is there...or was there...or might be there again. Ive left no "stone" unturned...Ive called out to God...cried for God...even cursed and blamed God for being lost in the first place...God must be pretty far away cause apparently God didnt hear me...at least I didnt get the sense God heard me while I laid there...holding my breath...straining my ears...trying to hear even the merest of whispers that God was somewhere near by....nothing....Im guessing I must be pretty empty inside these days cause mostly I just get echoes back when I call out to God...sigh!
Ive lost God dear readers...has anyone seen God...maybe let me no where I might have left Him? Its very important that I find God as I have somethings to tell Him...somethings to confess to Him...and I admit...Im in need for some answers from God as well. Or must I believe that this is just one of those things that can never be found again...once God is lost...He's lost forever?...anyone?