Last night I had one of the worst headaches Ive ever experienced. I ended up taking quite a bit of pain reliever before it would even touch the pain...but eventually the medication worked and the pain eased up...and all was well again. That particular pain was quickly forgotten once it was gone...I was strolling the new City Center Mall within hours....how easy we forget.....sigh!
Another pain that is easy to forget once the moment has passed is the pain of childbirth. Ive had 5 children...during one of those births I nearly died...as well as my son....but I went on to have 3 more children after him...why...because as soon as you hold your child in your arms...its the best form of pain relief there is. Nothing compares....and the pain fades into the back ground.
However...the real pain of childbirth comes after...when you take that baby home and start the lifelong process of raising, nurturing, worrying, hoping, praying, failing, and feeling guilty for just about every mistake made (real or imagined) all the while riding just about every other emotional rollercoaster that can be endured. One of the scariest rides your ever likely to live through...and most of the time you feel like your riding it alone.
I realize that fathers love their children (pardon me if I say "some" fathers...personal experience talking)...but the mothers love is something else all together. If your a mother you know what I mean. That child is a part of your body...he shared your blood...slept to the tune of your heartbeat....had a vote on whether that last meal was acceptable to all concerned. In order to enter this world he had to tear and forever destroy whatever youthful figure you once had...but you dont complain...you grit your teeth and push out your greatest joy...and your most painful heartache....a heartache that last from the moment you realize your pregnant...until you draw your last breath...a pain that no amount of pain reliever can touch.
After watching them grow and develop...from rolling to crawling to walking then running...every moment that passes in your childs life is a moment that brings you closer to when they will eventually use that momentum to leave you (or you them depending on the situation)....but eventually...the heart breaks...never to be mended completely because your child comes to the erroneous conclusion that he doesnt need you anymore....that he "is a man" and can probably do just as well without you.
Once you hear those words...or maybe not exactly those words but the meaning comes through loud and clear...you are left with one thought echoing over and over again in your mind...how can you possibly mend this broken heart? Temporary lovers come and go...husbands hopefully drop dead (either before or after the divorce...Im not choosy here)...but children are supposed to be forever. That mother child bond is eternal...yes? So why is it so damn easy for a child to grab those independent scissors and cut those maternal strings without so much as a look back to see what damage was caused? Dont they realize the squeezing of the heart only gets tighter and tighter and will never ever loosen up....dont they know that sleepless nights worrying about your future and the million and one things can go wrong with it are your nightly companions...have they ever considered that your pain is my pain...your fears are my fears....your hopes and dreams are my hopes and dreams...but with an added twist...I will gladly sacrifice my hopes...my dreams...to protect you from your pain and fears....I know you dont understand this...I know you can never understand this....
until you have a child of your own...then you will understand...then maybe you can advise me on how to mend this broken heart...cause I havent got a clue.