For anyone that has ever visited or lived in a foreign country...the language barrier can be the one thing that keeps you from really enjoying yourself and living the experience to the fullest. Sitting in a room full of women that are happily chattering away while your counting tiles on the wall or wishing you were home reading a book or something never ceases to bring home the fact that "your not in Kansas anymore!" But not knowing the language can also build a barrier between you and your own children...children born of mixed races and cultures...children growing up in a bi-language household...but in a one language school....is a whole new agony that never quite goes away.
My first child was as excited about starting school as any child could possibly be. She was nervous and agitated and anxious to get moving and get out the door...thankfully that desire to learn has never left her...and since the very first day that she arrived in her classroom...she was glued to her school books. I, on the other hand, had a totally different reaction when she came home with her backpack loaded with books...smiling from ear to ear and eager to show me her new aquisitions. As she quickly dug a book from her bag and proudly showed it of to me...all I could think of was the fact that it was written in Arabic...and I cant read Arabic....thus the 15 year heartache began.
I am a lover of books..I devour them...hoard them...covet them....I spend my last dinar on them...and dream of writing my own someday. I love nothing more then to browse in bookstores and flip pages here and there...never tiring of what I find between the pages...words...words... and more words. Its nearly impossible for me to have an unread book in my house...my love affair with books has always brought great rewards and knowledge...until my daughter started school...and her school books became my nemisis.
It was always my dream to sit at the table and help my children wth homework...to open their eyes to the joys of school and learning that I have always found exciting. I always pictured myself as the stay at home mom that dedicated her life to education of her children...and to come to the realization that that bubble was being burst before it had even grown in size was a cruel twist of fate. Each night when she pulled out her books I could only sit by and watch her concentrate and figure out things on her own. If she had any questions...she took them to her father...the Arabic reader in the house. As she grew older she tried to translate her questions adequately for me so that I could help her with the answers...but thats not an easy task for a child to do...and ended up making her more frustrated in the end....and me too.
I tried to help myself by learning the Arabic language...by learning letters and numbers etc...but Ive never been able to master it to such an extent that I could be of real service and help to her...or her siblings that followed in her footsteps. It was a hard fact to swallow...that I...the honor role student...the lover of all things written...the pusuer of knowledge...could not help my own children with first and second grade homework...it squeezed my heart...and has kept on squeezing it for all these long years. In time...my children were reading and translating Arabic for me...translating their school reports...telling me what the teachers had written on the bottom...I had to take their word for it...I wanted to be proud over those comments...but they just frustrated me with their ineligibility...their secret code of scriptive letters that continues to taunt me today...I can almost catch their meaning...but not quite.
Recently Ive been going through paperwork in preparations for moving from one country to another. Ive sat there with piles of report cards that I cant read...of birth certificates and legal documents that are essential to the identity of my children...and I cant read them. Of 21 years of family life that I need translated to me to be sure Ive got the right one...Ive missed so much of their lives by not being able to read and understand their language. The fault is mine...my inability to grasp what seemingly came easy to them...Alif Ba Ta...so frustrating...so intriguing...so heartbreaking to this mother...
8 comments:
hi storm,
am not with u in article, cuz i know u did the best and more than that for ur childeren,, beside the most important thing u did and i didnt find any one from my own language did is that u were with ur kids every step they need u to, and this is the most thing ur childeren want from u ,, UR the best MOM i ever saw and chat with ,, u the best friend for them ,, and i think am lucky so much that i am ur friend girl
,, May God bless u and mend my heart when u go back home my soul mate.. Maryam Al.Sherooqi
I can completely understand how you feel. As each of my children started school, I said I would learn along with them. And I did learn a lot, but eventually they would leave me in their dust! It is an odd mixture of regret and pride, isn't it? But I am so glad that they have grown up completely bilingual, so it was worth the pain.
It is so difficult to learn another language once you are an adult, and Arabic is one of the most difficult languages to master. Don't blame yourself.
There are so many other things you have done for your children and you have always had their best interests at heart.
I know that I will never be able to master the Arabic language. But I'm not going to beat myself up over it, and neither should you.
This post breaks my heart because it is what I am going through now with my kids. I feel completely and utterly left out and the English portion of their education is limited to esl stuff. My kids already know how to form questions! It's their first language. I'm missing looking at their cursive handwriting sheets, reading literature with them, helping out with real grammar. Ugh. I get you on this post. I totally do.
Thanks ladies...sometime I feel like the only expat mom of mixed race/language kids that suffer through this sort of thing. The terrible thing for me is that I feel stupid in their eyes because I cant help them...I know they dont see me that way...but its how I see myself...which is just another chip against my self esteem....ugh.
Coolred, you are definitely not alone. I used to try and take someone with me to the parent teacher days, and the first one I had to go to alone, I was struggling not to cry because I couldn't understand what was going on
L_Oman, do the cursive writing, literature and grammar anyway. The ESL level they are taught is definitely not enough.
alajnabiya
I feel your pain...how many times I sat there for parents day waiting for my turn. All the mothers before me would get at leat 15 to 20 minutes of face time...lots of talk going on about how their child is doing etc...when it was my turn in the "hot seat" all I got was 20 secs...."Sara is beautiful...very nice...mumtaz" (in varying degrees ...lol)...lots of smiles and nods of encouragement but no real talk...the teachers didnt know much english and I didnt know much arabic...sigh. When my oldest daughter got older...I would take her along for her own and for her siblings parent days...she was my interpretor...lol....still is sometimes.
My heart goes out to you and the rest of us who suffer from this particular exclusion from the lives of our families! I have lived this story even more acutely than those who have given their children English at birth.
My kids (step-kids) didn't even know English when I married their father. My story is sad, and I will write about it, I assure you.
Those of you who still have the inclination to learn Arabic had better do so to the best of your ability, not for your children's well-being-- for surely you have already given yourself to them completely-- but for your own.
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