Monday, February 18, 2008

How come he's like that now?

By chance I met a young 24 year old Bahraini girl last nite. She has been engaged for a short 3 months...and is seriously considering calling it all off such is her disgust at this "new" man she has known for 5 years... who suddenly has found his "religion" again...but only to enforce it on her. She had the same list of complaints that so many Bahraini girls/women complain of about Bahraini would think someone would start to see a pattern here...hmmmm?

A short but by no means comprehensive lists of "How Come He's Like That Now?"

From Boyfriend to Fiance'

1. Will chat you up on the phone...ask about your day...whisper sweet words AND listen as well.
2. Will take you out...have fun in a variety of spots...and will smile as you party on.
3. Will introduce you to his friends...include you in the chat...and listen while you talk about that person later on in a casual fashion.
4. Will be pleased that you like to dress to impress him...or just please yourself...will even give some advise about some of your clothes...or maybe buy you some too.
5. Will buy you exotic perfumes and flashy jewelery...and be happy when you wear them out and about.
6. Will ask you if you had fun with your friends on your "ladies night out"..will laugh at your stories of misadventure.
7. Will talk about the future and how the both of you will discuss all decisions before they are made.
8. Will sit politely by while you finish up a quick phonecall or email.
9. Will sit politely with your family and make pleasant conversation.
10. Will let you choose the movie at the cinema.

From Fiance's to Husbands

1. Will not call you all day...or demand to know why you did not call him or answer his call.
2. Will now conclude that all former places of entertainment are haram.
3. Will pretend you are not with him when any of his friends approach...and will be instantly suspicious if you mention that friend at any point in future conversations.
4. Will find all your former fashionable clothing revealing and scandalous...will insist you throw out most of what he "liked" before. Will suggest the both of you go shopping for an abaya and hijab.
5. Will insist its haram to draw attention to yourself by wearing perfume and jewelery...will get irritated if he can smell you outside.
6. Will follow you on your ladies night out and will interrogate you back home.
7. Will inform you of a life altering decision he made for the "both" of you at some point down the line...will not discuss why he did not tell you about it first.
8. Will snatch your phone to see the caller ID...will read your emails over your shoulder and demand to know who each number or email addy belongs to. Will be irritated if you have a password that you do not wish to share with him.
9. Will refuse to visit you family deems them worthless or beneath him and his family.
10. Will not take you to the cinema..its only for slutty girls that dont care about their reputations.

So here is the big question my young Bahraini men who do the old Jekyl and Hyde routine 9 times out of 10 when they go from relationship to marriage...WTF!!!

This is by no means a rare case of one unhappy girl...I have rarely talked to a Bahraini girl here in Bahrain that did not have the same stories of "why is he like that now?" They talk about how sweet you were and how happy you two were together...all the fun you had and that the future looked bright. She constantly told her friends..."he's not like those close minded Bahraini guys that change over way...he is going to be just like this even after we marry."

So let me ask you this my dear brothers....

1. Why suddenly are all the places you took her before now off limits? Have those places changed in some way?
2. Why was her style of dress pleasing to you before and now haram and scandalous? Have you suddenly become a prude over night?
3. Why are the times she spends with her friends occasions for suspicion and questioning? Dont you want her to have fun without you Im sure you do without her too.
5. Why is it now haram to allow her to speak to your friends? Which of them do you no longer trust...her or your friends?
6. Why is her family suddenly not worth your time...they are still the same family...still her family.
7. Why is it suddenly forbidden for her to smell good outside...who wants to smell of sweat all day.
8. Why suddenly so suspicious of who she talks with....or who she corresponds trusted her before...right?
9. Why not include her in the decision making thought she was intelligent and capable before...has her mental capacity dropped in some way by being married to you?
10. Why was the cinema so much fun back in the day and now its only for slutty girls...did you marry a slutty girl then? which case why get offended if she talks to your friends or complete knew what you were marrying before your married her....

unfortunately...she didnt.....sigh.

Now guys....heres an interesting theory...what if once you were married...

1. Your wife thought your jeans were just a little to snug in the lunch box area and forbid you to wear them outside...hey...nobody else should be able to oogle her property.
2. What if she threw away your expensive colognes cause she dont want no slutty girl sniffing after you.
3. What if she slammed your mom and sisters saying they act all better than her...and forbid you to go visit them on grounds that...she is the only woman you need in your life.
4. What if she searched your mobile and email addies...and deleted all the suspicious ones...or called unfamiliar numbers just to see who answered...sounds like fun to me....sort of like Russian Roulette.
5. What if she forbid you to smile at her girlfriends or to acknowledge them in any way...she knows what a sly fox you can be...
6. What if she made life altering decisions and you happen to find out about them....never!
7. What if she just went to the cinema with her friends...and left you home watching the kids....paybacks a bitch aint it?
8. What if she followed you all over the damn place acting all jealous and bitchy...making your friends laugh and tease you...or shake their heads in sympathy?
9. What if she demanded you wear a thobe and guthra all the time...your an arab dammit dress like one.
10. What if she thought she got tired of you and went out and secretly married a second one pain in the ass aint enough for us women.

I know I know..your sitting there shouting...she cant do that to me...Im the man! Ask yourself this my friend...are you really the Man? Would a man work so hard to make his wife so miserable. Would he spend large amounts of time being suspicious and jealous of her when he could spend it laughing and just feeling good in each others company? Why does marriage to a Bahraini boy got to be so damn tough on a girl these days....who the hell wants to be married to a guy that is going to do his level best to get you to cry at least once every day...who the hell needs that....and yet by stygmatizing Bahraini girls that marry non are forcing them to fish in only one pond...and when they pull out a carp...they cant just throw it back in and start fishing again.....

While this in no way indicates that all Bahraini men are like this...those that arent seem to be the exception an not the norm. The only thing that I cant figure out is...Bahraini girls are well aware of the Jeykl and Hyde syndrome that is prevalent among the male why do they still have deep seated convictions that their guy....just isnt like that? Chances are girl...he is. I just hope you find out before the ring is on your finger...if you thought marriage was bad...just try and get a divorce...thats a whole other story girl.

disclaimer....this article was written after one of many conversations I had with longtime suffering women(Bahraini and non Bahraini) married to Bahraini men. I currently do not know of one woman that is happy in her marriage....Im not talking about the everyday things that upset us in marriage....Im talking about...she wishes she never married the guy....thats pretty guys need to step up and actually Be The Man...if you are happily married to a Bahraini man and refuse to accept any of the above mentioned items as true...all I can say is ....good for you...congratulations...and does your husband have a

btw...I do not blame any of the above actions on religion...any religion...the blame lies squarely on society that accepts such Jeykl and Hyde flip flops among its male citizens without a murmur.


Mary Coons said...

What a fabulous essay! Let’s call a spade a spade. I wish more girls would read this before they marry. Love is so blind to these young fools. Wake up and smell the coffee kids!

Fatemeh said...

This is why I don't want to get married. Ever.
BTW, thanks for your comments on MMW. We really appreciate them; they're great to read!

coolred38 said...

Thanks girls...I appreciate the comments.

BTW MMW is an excellent site...I felt like I struck gold when I happened upon it. Keep up the great work!

NicoleB said...

I will never understand how men in these countries here think :(

Great post!

Pearl Morale said...

I clicked on the comments link hoping to find one comment written by a Bahraini man and there was none. I would be very interested to see what thier thoughts would be on your post.
I've heard that line 'how come he's like that now?' so many times it made my ears bleed...