Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Way back when...blinkers and all.


My second post on this blog...way back when I still called myself Muslim and still believed there was hope to be found in Islam. Funny what a little time, a lot of reading, and soul searching will do to a person. I don't hate that I use to believe and how deeply I believed it (at the time it felt rights and true) but I do hate that I was so easily impressed and completely blinded to the deep seated issues Islam has.

btw I have no issues with others who still profess being Muslim...we all choose our own paths...but I do take issue with falsehoods that are spread concerning Islam. Just because I am no longer one of the ummah...doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about and that I don't have a valid point. One thing Muslims seem to believe to be true...if your not Muslim, or no longer call yourself one, than any knowledge you might have...is irrelevant to any discussion concerning it. Whatever.

pride goeth before a fall...and all that shit.


coolred38 said...

damn...no idea why my link won't work. grrrr

Elisa said...

Hello there!!
I've been following your blog for a long time now and I had no idea you no longer call yourself a Muslim. Maybe I'm not the best at keeping up with posts. . .whoopsies :-p
What type of falsehoods in Islam have you found, if you don't mind sharing with me.
Personally, I believe there are many ways to the same destination and whether you call yourself Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Hindu, etc. does not have much significance unless it's what brings any individual closer to God in a good way.

janice said...

Well said, CoolRed, well said.....

Anonymous said...

I think any of us who dive deeply into something, anything, will feel a bit of resentment for it (and ourselves) for going so deeply into it - especially religion.

I don't think I can ever believe religion whole heartedly. It's not healthy.

Anonymous said...

YOU SAID IN july 2007 :
.......Islam carries the backpacks that hide the bombs....and Islam pulls the trigger....the rest you can figure out for yourselves....Islam Islam Islam....now that does indeed roll of the tongue ever so sweetly...makes me shiver just saying it....but it also makes me angry...makes my blood boil....makes me want to seek out and do a one on one with the nearest long bearded. short thobed, wild eyed, Allahu Akbar chanting, hadith hurling murderer that dares call himself a Muslim, dares considers himself a servant of God, dares considers himself a voice of the Muslim population and a defender of Islam moral principles ....I want to find one of these men and thump him upside the head with my beloved copy of the Holy Quran.....the one book he probably hasnt spent much time with other then to memorize for prayer....memorize does not equal understanding...nuff said!.....until tomorrow...salams.

ME:I REPEAT (IN 11TH MAY 2011) :

....I want to find one of these men and thump him upside the head with my beloved copy of the Holy Quran.....the one book he probably hasnt spent much time with other then to memorize for prayer....memorize does not equal understanding...nuff said!.....until tomorrow...salams

coolred38 said...

Elisa....to descrepancies are far too numerous to mention here. Suffice to say you can visit any webpage that has people discussing them and see pretty much where Im at. My main issue is that Islam is too full of antiwoman propaganda. While it claims to uplift women...it has entirely too much in it that keeps women down...but hides it among the poeticness of it all. Islam is a mysogynistic religion that caters to the male ego...much like Christianity...and probably the Jewish Talmud (not too familiar with it...just assuming here).

As long as I dogpaddled on the surface of it all I was ok with it...satisfied with my choice and beliefs...but once I decided to stick my head in the water and go diving for facts etc...I could no longer delude myself that this was something divine or god inspired. Then again...nothing is.

janice...thank you.

almostclever...I have to agree. It was like uncovering the wizard of Oz...and just finding a tiny effectual man who used sound and lights to strike fear into the hearts of all...or something like that.

anon...is there a question in there somewhere?

Susanne said...

One of the reasons I like your comments on other blogs is because I know you have studied the religion and lived among Muslims. I always think you have more "authority" to speak about Muslim teachings and feelings because of this fact.

I skimmed through that post from 2007 though and read

"Dont hold your breath on that....the people "in charge" of Islam today...the Muslims in authority of Islam today do not have your best interest at heart...do not have Islams best interest at heart...do not give a squiggly fig about Gods "real message of peace" as prescribed in the Quran."

Do you think as you delved deeper you started seeing there was no "real message of peace" as you thought was "prescribed in the Quran" back then?

Because back then you seemed to blame the people in charge of Islam rather than the religion itself. Or have you found you cannot separate the two because Islam is what Muslims do?

Thanks for sharing!

coolred38 said...

Susanne...I believe I started actually having doubts some years back...the fact that hijab was stressed so much...the proverbial 6th pillar of Islam etc...I hated it but had nothing to argue against it. It seemed monumentally unfair but unquestionable at the time. I had no literature to read then...no alternative voices to talk to me...no history other than a few platitudes that were memorized and given as proof..end of story.

The more I started having access to other sources of information...detailed histories etc the more the alarm bells started ringing in my head...and my heart.

In that post you mention...I was already in the process of removing myself from Islam...I maybe just wasn't aware of it at the time. I wanted to blame the leaders, those in control, because like a great many Muslims...it was everyones's fault but "mine". Eventually I decided I had nobody else to blame for what I believed except me.

Once I came to this realization...a heavy weight was lifted...after a few events occurred that confirmed this realization...then the weight simply dropped off. The guilt, the doubts, the what ifs...were no more.

As I have mentioned in some previous posts...Islam came to me when I needed it...saved me in a lot of ways...but the belief I held at the time concerning it was based on scant understanding...more superficial and surface information...which I dare say a lot of Muslims are quite happy to live with.

The thing about the human experience is that once we have learned something...we cant unlearn it...we can only improve upon it.

Helene said...

It takes a great deal of energy to step into a new world. Can you say something about the positive aspect of Islam, as it appeared to you then, which made conversion possible and desirable? Thank you very much!

coolred38 said...

Helene....those first years in Bahrain I was alone...lonely...felt like I couldnt be further away from the life I knew before than if I were on the moon. My husbands family did not make me feel welcome...for 23 years they made me feel like an outcast...but that's beside the point. I guess when I first started reading about Islam...this feeling of all Muslims being connected...being part of an ummah or huge family...really appealed to me.

Also....I read the Quran through that first time and it resonated with me...felt something click into place and felt like it belonged there. However, one of the most oft repeated words you will hear a Muslim speak is "context"...everything about the Quran must be taken into context. I knew nothing of context in the beginning...I took the Quran at face value. Once I started reading the "context"...I started realizing exactly what I had dived head first into...and eventually it is what drove me away.

I believe if I had never searched beyond the Quran itself...never investigated context...I might still be a deeply devout Muslim that I was then...today. Ignorance is not always bliss.

Helene said...

Thank you Coolred.

I'm going through some similar things myself. Not about Islam, since I'm not Muslim, but about the relationship between individual responsibility and God.

I've never felt that God has been far. But I do think that in wanting to be part of a community, I've strayed from my individual responsibility.

There is nothing in God's commandments to us that requires any of us to abdicate our individual responsibilties. If we do that, it springs from fear and desire.

I've never felt that God abandoned me when I asserted my responsibility to step out on my own. I had to address my own fears.

Angel Darling said...

We have our own journeys, we come to our own conclusions. Not better, not worse, just our own journey.

I feel that ss long as folks are not causing harm to themselves or others, we are free to believe what we choose. That's the beauty of this country. More power to you Coolred!

Marahm said...

I never believed in some of what they taught me in Saudi Arabia, yet I still converted to Islam and found much beauty there, and wise guidance for life.

I've never believed in anything hook, line and sinker, and I used to feel badly because I could not emulate my friends whose entire lives were guided by what they'd been taught in the Riyadh madrassas.

Ultimately, one must walk one's own path, which keeps going, and going, and going...

I've always thought one can pick and choose one's beliefs, even within a tradition. Call me arrogant-- you wouldn't be the first --but why shouldn't a person "take what they need and leave the rest"?

This concept presupposes that somewhere along the path that keeps going, one's needs change.

Stacy said...

It's been a long ...
I would like to remind you of the Beautiful Quran, the Hadiths are a disgrace to all of Islam and the smart Muslims I know don't follow them. Only the Quran. Islam is beautiful as long as you look only at the Quran, only at Gods words :)

My born and raised Muslim husband treats me like a Queen, his Queen. Not all Muslims believe what you were forced to believe from the Hadiths. Some were taught to Love and respect all women, according to the Quran. Just because yours was taught disgusting things doesn't make Islam a disgusting or disgraceful religion. It still makes it beautiful just filled with alot of uneducated bigots. And in the end they will get theirs for telling lies about Islam. Not the Islam God intended...

I know this is just a road bump in your life and you will return, and God will be waiting for you with open arms as always...

P.S remember that to be a Muslim according to the Quran only means that you believe in One God. No more, no less...
Hope you are well and happy!
Your friend from Bahrain,

Salma's Visual Notes said...

Coolred, can I ask how you met your husband, and what took you to Bahrain?


coolred38 said...

Angel...thank you and the same to you.

Marahm...taking the good and leaving the rest is a wonderful concept..unfortunately when it comes to religion...too many people take the "rest" and leave the good.

Stacy...I never said Islam was disgusting or that how my husband treated me (which was disgusting) were the reasons I know long find faith in it...as I said..the more I read, the more I leanred...the less convinced I was. In this case, educating myself was the catalyst that started the ball rolling towards leaving it.

Salma...you can look on the blog under a series of post numbered 1-7 i believe it is now. A short narrative Im working on describing how I met him and ended up in Bahrain etc. click on the lables "my life as a muslim" that is down on the right side of the blog...should come up.

coolred38 said...

forgive the typos plz...grrr :(

Hussam said...

Coolred, I do respect your point of view about Islam. it's really expected that you think islam is a religion that hates women, but that is not necessarily true. I am a very modest muslim, there are a lot of hadith and verses in the quran that can sound bad and hateful in case they're interpreted by extremist muslims. i hate those extremists who really make people like you give up on their beliefs. another think i would like to mention, many many muslims mix up between islamic rules and traditions, for example, in ksa, there is a ban on women driving, most people think it's something religious and they try to find hadith or quran verses to support their claim, and sometimes they succeed to convince big numbers of people, still women driving is not against islam, it's not sinful. these kinds of religious people who believe women should stay home to take care of house and kids are the ones who distorts the image of islam. believe me there are always different ways to understand quran and hadith, but the right way is the one closer to what you feel is right. i am not trying to convince you to become a muslim again :P but believe me this is what happens all the time, when i was in the states, i knew an american who converted to islam, he started to dress the way muslims used to dress bazillion years ago, and when i asked him he thought any way to dress other than that is against islam!!! some extremists filled up his head with crap and i am sure he will give up on his beliefs sooner or later because stuff like that. I hate this!!

coolred38 said...

Hussam...thank you for your comment. Having lived in a Muslim country for 23 years Im well aware that culture and Quran are often intermingled and confused...before long and with even a little bit of reading and research it's not too hard to tell the difference between them...so my decision was not based solely on that hypocricy in the form of hadith/culture/tradition confusion...though it did get me to thinking deeply and did lead to my initial desire to learn more than basic islamic creed. I wish more muslims felt that same need to investigate and learn the difference...just for their own sake.

Anonymous said...

when you read the Quran and something clicked in you that was fitrah, and your promise to Allah since you had no where to turn but to Him.
And as man always does, once you felt the need to no longer turn to Him you felt the weight of His rules and you turned away from Him.

I feel sorry and i hope Allah swt helps you realize and brings you back towards Him.

coolred38 said...

Anon...how wrong you are in your assessment of why I am where I am today. Then again...religious folk always seem to know more about "you" and what you felt, understood, believe etc than you yourself ever can.

Which one of gods rules are you assuming I shrugged off and no longer feel the burden of? None of gods rules govern how I live my life...the only one I shrugged off was belief...and if it is a "rule" of gods that you MUST believe in him...or else...how very insecure he is to require not only belief by his creation...but worship as well.

Zarrar said...

I think that the source of all things is the Quran, which is quite different from how people over the centuries have made it into a religion. The Quran does not provide a religion, it only gives simple guidelines for sentient life to be able to connect with God, Allah, or any other of the countless names you may wish to use.

The Quran is just one transmission from the unknown and unseen core. Human beings are just one form of intelligent life, the Jinn are the other. This speaks volumes about what identity, language, culture and customs one should have.

The answer is that there are no recommendations on cultural, linguistic, or outward appearances mentioned in the Quran. If there were, they would equally have to apply to both Jinn and humans. This is not possible since Jinn and humans are made of different matter, namely smokeless fire, and flesh and blood.

The Jinn, those who follow the Quran, are pious. But do they have gender, hair that need covering, tongues to speak, or are they telepathic.

The Quran does not create discrimination, or division among any sentient life. The goal of the Quran is to seek intelligent life and help it evolve to its next level. Submission therefore is not idle worship, but more of a connection scenario between a local infantile life form and the core itself, the unseen something referred to as God, Allah and countless other names.

If one were to analyze the Quran only, freedom of mind, spirit, and emotions would become a reality. there is more at http://www.qurandroid.com

Anonymous said...

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