Sorry to any regular readers for lack of posting this past few weeks...personal drama has kept me busy for the most part other than the odd comment on other blogs etc. The adage that we never know what tomorrow has instore for us has never been truer for me then this past few weeks.
After waiting so patiently to leave this little island that has been the bane of my existence for so long...and relishing the freedoms and feelings of release that treading American soil has afforded me for the past two months...due to unforseen circumstances (all though in reality they were not that unforseen..but you always have hope that people will surprise you...they rarely change who they are do they) I find myself once again on the sandy shores of Bahrain.
Quite interesting how only a 2 month "sabbatical" has opened my eyes to even more changes that I hadnt noticed as we quite often cant see the forest for the trees...but thats another post. Suffice to say that the animal masquerading as a man that also pretended to be a father and husband...reared his ugly head against my sons from the moment I shook the dust from my heels and boarded the plane...and so I had no choice but to come and take back what he apparently thought was his right to regain simply because I was gone...I might also add that I received a certain satisfaction to hear the "look" of surprise in his face when he realized I was indeed calling from "this side of the moon"...his excuse for a sister was no less surprised when I showed up at her door with the boys to give her an earful for her little part in all this drama...to say they were left opened mouthed hardly described it...for sure they assumed I wouldnt come back simply because I was clear of this place "once and for all". Just more proof that they have no idea what being a parent means...because it matters little that I truly do not find joy in Bahrain...that I do not feel welcome or content here because the culture and I just do not play well together...I would just as soon forget I ever knew of such a place and be happy with the forgetting...unfortunately...while I cannot stand the fact that I have ties to this place through the blood that courses through my childrens body...it remains a fact that it does indeed course through them...and so I will never truly be rid of Bahrain. Also...because my boys were still here...well hell...the strings that bind can stretch pretty far indeed...but they always pull you back.
So for now...Im back on this little island in the sun...I have some serious ass to kick...and will relish the kicking since those that deserve it...pretty much brought it upon themselves...why couldnt they just leave well enough alone and forget they even knew of my boys...as they had been doing for the last 2 years with exceptional skill and acumen?
At any rate...a regular post will be up as soon as I get situated once again and get some back child support that was some how "mislaid" in the 2 months I was gone...until when these poor excused for human beings (husband and sister in law) will realize that I am not the same "greenhorn" that they always delighted in calling me? Those days are long gone and good riddance to them...but new days are here...let the show begin.
17 comments:
Coolred...you got a lot of crap to contend with. My heart goes out to you. Not only for the situation regarding your sons, but the fact that you still have to put up with this bastard (I'm assuming I can call him this, and you've called him worst) of a husband.
I've only been in Saudi 2 weeks, and I'm ready to get the hell up out. But...I'm staying because I know I will get adjusted...and my husband is supportive in helping with that adjustment. I'm afraid if I go back this soon...it will make it only harder to come back. So...I'm waiting until my planned vacation in March (I have some personal business to take care of)...but sometimes I think about my empty house, and I think...maybe you should go back.
Well...anyway...welcome back and I wish you the best with what you're dealing with.
Ah Coolred, my heart too goes out to you. What drama! I hate terrible situations and they never seem to end, do they?
I loved this line, "the strings that bind can stretch pretty far indeed...but they always pull you back".
You are so intelligent, mashallah. Intelligent women are threatening to Arab men and their excuse for sisters!
You will be in my prayer tonight!
You go, Coolred! You CAN do this. Mother's can do for their children what would otherwise be absolutely impossible.
When I next head to "the Island," I'll e-mail you. Perhaps we can meet for coffee.
Thank you ladies...the one positive thing I have learned about living in Bahrain is...patience. Haste never accomplishes anything...and really nothing gets done in haste here anyhow other than driving and passing judgement on people...the rest I can handle.
Coolred, Go get 'em!!!!
I'm looking forward to be hearing the sequels.
Hugs!Why are men such jerks?Somebody wrote Ann Landers once asking why she always ended up with such a#####s for husbands,she replie'cause there's a lot of a a#####'s out there!
I am so sorry this never-ending saga goes on for you--but, as you say, you are better equipped now to write the story as you want it to flow and end.
You do represent what motherhood is all about, and unfortunately you have always been the only true parent/adult in this scenario. Equally unfortunately, a divorced woman with children is never fully finished with the ex and the inlaws (although the partially goes a loooooong way), and the French are right to use the same term for stepsister and sister-in-law, "belle-soeur", which is sometimes, as in your case, a euphemism for the "wicked stepsisters" of fairy tale fame.
Courage and good luck!
Chiara
PS I love the surprise arrival--catch them with their thobes/abayas off so to speak. :-)
When I first read that you were back, I screamed "NO! NO!" but then after reading WHY you felt compelled to return - well, you are a mother bear protecting her cubs! Put those louses in their place! Any chance the boys have seen the light since you were gone and might be more agreeable to going WITH you next time?
Yes, that was what I was thinking, will your boys start reconsidering now???
Do your boys have the legal right to choose to leave with you? Or could you in a worst case scenario compel them to leave? Hopefully it isn't that bad, ugh!
A friend has a brother who could easily immigrate to Canada but stays in his home country, where he has, on 2 separate occasions, been imprisoned for political reasons (according to Human Rights groups)--just for being wealthy and connected with the group that is newly out of power--for 4 years each time, and released without convictions both times.
Annoyingly stubborn to say the least...
I wondered where you'd been. Wow, didn't expect this! Best wishes in getting everything straightened out.
I'm not in the 'inner circle' here but from what I may construe:
"Hit'em, Hit'em hard, Hit'em where it hurts."!
Noone has the right to get between a parent and their children. I wish you strength and resolution during this crappy 'black-op'.
Regards,
Rhysz
My boys have the right to live with me...leave with me..whatever WE choose to do as they have nothing to do with him...and up until I left he had absolutely nothing to do with them. They choose to stay to finish up highschool...my oldest will graduate this year. I left them with the understanding that they would come to me this summer.
However, the ex family got busy as soon as I had gone and made life miserable for all concerned...and he didnt pay child support for some odd reason...said he didnt have too since I wasnt here...hmm....he makes a claim that the kids are his...and yet cant bring himself to pay childsupport cause IM not here...me thinks some foul play is at work.
Anyhow...first stop was the police station...filed a report and that should get the ball rolling...they were very accomodating for a change...apparently they get alot of charges against errant Bahraini fathers in there...sad really. I dare say tho that if I had been anything other than an American I wouldnt have been given such quick attention. I have many women friends married to Bahrainis trying to get charges against them...with no luck. So...in one regard Im "lucky"....
thanks for the words of encouragemnt folks...net support is a good thing....lol.
Thanks for clarifying. Having teens finish high school before moving is a common, and usually a positive strategy. Hopefully they are living with friends or boarding.
Fighting post-divorce is also unfortunately common, and the same flaws and dynamics remain as during the marriage. Here, Rhysz's advice is good.
If you have the inclination for a light read, Carmen bin Laden's "Inside the Kingdom: My Life in Saudi Arabia" http://www.powells.com/biblio?isbn=0446577081
has a good description of the "these aren't my children"/"no you can't have them" phenomenon and mysterious nonpayments she went through pre, during, and post-divorce with Yeslam (older half brother of Osama), as well as some interesting details about the evolution of life in Saudifrom relatively pleasant to increasingly strict.
Stay strong, and learn to love the local police! (lawyers, etc etc)
Oh, I had thought that your boys DID go with you and I'd been waiting on that post with the details of how you were able to manage that since you had said that they were reluctant to follow you to the Great Satan.
What a pain to have to deal with a nasty ex at such a distance. You are very fortunate to have the ability to go back and forth at will. Shoot you were lucky to be able to divorce him in the first place.
Good luck and I wish you, and your boys, all the best. It isn't fair that they should have such an ass for a father.
Oh, I had thought that your boys DID go with you and I'd been waiting on that post with the details of how you were able to manage that since you had said that they were reluctant to follow you to the Great Satan.
What a pain to have to deal with a nasty ex at such a distance. You are very fortunate to have the ability to go back and forth at will. Shoot you were lucky to be able to divorce him in the first place.
Good luck and I wish you, and your boys, all the best. It isn't fair that they should have such an ass for a father.
Good luck to you. You're in my prayers. If you're with your sons, you're probably in the right place.
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