Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Here's your sign...or is it?

Picture this....I had finally had enough...enough abuse...enough misery...enough pain...just...enough...so I threw myself into a panic on a spur of the moment decision and started throwing things into my car like a madwoman....40 minutes later I was hightailing it down the road with my 4 young kids in tow...wondering if I was making the right decision...or f***ing up my life once again...there was a 50/50 chance for positive or negative answer either way.

So once I had gotten a safe distance down the road...I pulled over and took a moment to just breath and assess the situation....and then I made this plea..."Oh God...if Im making the right decision and not just doing something half cocked again...let me know...gimme a sign." I sat there a few moments longer...just trying to think of nothing really...listening to the kids play in the backseat...asking where we were going....then reached over and turned the radio on before taking off again as I like to hear music when Im driving. The song the was just coming on was called..."I Can See Clearly Now the Rain is Gone"...anyone that heard that song before knows what its all about....making the tough decisions when you feel you just cant...and finding out is was the right thing to do...and reaping the benefits of taking a stand (thats what I get from it anyhow). I sat there...frozen...unable to do anything but listen to that song...take it in...let it swirl and glide all over my body...into my ears...my mind..my heart. It emeshed itself so deeply into my psyche as an answer from God that I still to this day refer to it as my God Song...and I get goosebumps exactly the same today when I hear it as I did all those years ago.

When the song was finished...I sped off...convinced I was making the right decision and satisfied with my choice. (the fact that I did eventually screw up this bid for freedom some 4 months later in no way takes away from the overwhelming feeling that I got my "sign" I was looking for that particular day).

So heres my question dear readers...do you believe in such things...heartfelt pleas and instant answers (or maybe within a reasonable space of time so you just know its YOUR sign) or is it all just random? Did that song come on the radio by chance...or was God or some Higher Power giving me the green light on the drastic and desparate choice I had just made? Do you believe
God answers prayers in such an arbitrary fashion...a song on the radio or
maybe a book opening to the right page...which brings me to another "sign" I may have received....

Still in the same marriage...still suffering pretty much all the same things as before...just a few more years added onto the misery though (I didnt say I learned from my mistakes did I...all though eventually I do...sigh) Anyhow....I was sitting at my desk in my room with hands on head...mentally kicking my own ass about my life and the mistakes I had made etc. Wondering how I had found myself in this horrible marriage on the far side of the moon without a single person to share my misery with...I felt utterly alone. I whispered out a plea to God..."why is it Your will that I be here...now..in this place and time...alone and without support. Why do I have to abide such loneliness?" (for those that dont know...there is a difference between being alone...and being lonely...being alone is usually done by choice...feeling lonely is one of the single most awful feelings there is...especially when there doesnt seem a way to change that condition...an abusive controlling husband relishes and lives on you and your loneliness...sigh)anyhow...I digress. So there I was...pity party very much moving along and doing well...and I had a book on my desk that I was thinking about reading...so I pulled it over and opened it up to a random page. There was a quote at the top of the page...it said..."if you dont like something, change it...if you cant change it change your attitude. Dont complain," by Maya Angelou.

A sign...or coincidence? hmmmm? (I have to admit...this time I took it to heart...and made the changes I needed to make...slowly but steadily)

Now what happens when you dont get an answer...dont get a sign? now thats another post I will be coming to shortly.


Susie of Arabia said...

I believe that those are clear signs - the song, the quote on the page you just happened to open up to. They are definitely signs. It's like gut instinct. You have to go with it.

Suroor said...

I love that song and I love the fact that Allah gave you clear signs. I have a long comment to make on this but I don't want to turn it into a blog post here without your permission :)

Susanne said...

Great post! Yes, I've had things happen like that before. It's like God is replying directly to what I need at the time. Can't just be mere coincidences. At least I don't think so. :-)

Aafke said...

I think those are signs! And good ones too!
And you are not wholly alone, we are with you in our hearts and in our minds!
And prayers!

coolred38 said...

Thanks ladies...those are just a few times in which a "sign" showed up loud and clear...or so I believe...there have been plenty of others too. Ive always wondered why we need a sign perse'...why not just tell us directly you know...some of us are just to blind to pick things up.

TmmyRssll86 said...

Well my dear you know I believe they are signs. There is a reason for everything and there is a higher power working for you. And he works in His time. He will reveal things when He is asked and it sounds like that is just what he did, because it got you to thinking. I don't know if that makes sense but I'm sure you'll let me know if it doesn't. lol

marahm said...

This is a tricky subject. What do you tell the criminal who got a sign that he should do the crime? You tell him that it was no sign.

I believe we can offer up our confusion and indecision, and open ourselves to signs. However, I think signs are more general than specific.

For instance, a person looks for a sign to keep driving. The song is a sign in the affirmative. It might as easily be a sign to leave, but to leave in another manner. She/he can go back, determined to leave again in a more ordered way. The sign is for possibility, not specifically to keep driving.

That is merely an academic illustration; I'm not suggesting that your experience could have been any different.

I believe that signs are not singular, but come in multiples, to reinforce their message. This belief is borne of a sign that I took for a certain action that turned out to be the worst of my life.

Carl Jung's theory of Synchronicity is of interest here. Briefly, Synchronicity is the occurance of two or more unrelated events in a way that suggests something meaningful. It is coincidence on steroids, so to speak.

Aafke said...

That is a very wise comment Marahm. I think that we shouldn't take everything as signs, but we should keep our minds open.