When you live in the Muslim/Arab world you have to get use to ONE fact straight away...even if your NOT Muslim OR Arab...unmarried sex is not ok.
Hold on, let me put that another way...getting caught having unmarried sex is not ok.
Wait...wait...let me try one more time. Getting caught having unmarried sex is NOT ok if you are female...especially if the consequences turn out that you get pregnant. God forbid a female gets pregnant over here without the sanctity of a marriage contract to make her baby all hilal and legal. All though I havent personally checked...I heard that, according to the law in Bahrain, it is in fact against the law to BE pregnant and not be married.
Sooooo...lets think about this for a minute. Men are given a certain amount of "permission" to have sex (since they are not held accountable then that is granting them permission in my books)...but when it comes to suffering the consequences of sex...women are the ONLY ones that ARE held accountable....and boy do they (we) suffer.
Lately, this past 2 years or so, there seems to be more abandoned baby news reports in the paper. I cant remember hearing about babies being abandoned in Bahrain when I first came here...but then again news reporting was a whole different ballgame back then. NOTHING bad ever happened. Lived in a right utopia we did. Miss those days....*sigh*.
Anyhow, the latest was this little baby boy in that news report. Officials havent determined his nationality yet...but havent hesitated (in follow up news reports) to shove all the blame onto the mother that abandoned this baby. As well as some comments by readers and by a leading figure here in Bahrain that supposedly helps women overcome difficulties. She was advised to open a shelter or place for unwed pregnant women to come to for help....and she flatly refused...declared that opening a shelter basically condoned unmarried sex and we as Muslims were not in the business of condoning unmarried sex...not to mention SHAME on those women who got involved in such things. Rather than try and have sympathy for these women...who might have been raped by a family member or stranger...or Hell...in the cases of housemaids etc...by their owners...ahem!...I mean employers. Not every pregnant woman on this planet got that way simply because she couldnt keep her legs closed.
She did not mention men in her article...did not mention educating Muslim men about having premarital sex...unprotected sex...or about STANDING by the woman they slept with when it turns out their night of passion (or moment of passion) resulted in life. Nope...all on the female. Females should guard their vaginas against the marauding hordes of penises that assault them from every direction and save themselves for just the ONE penis that is allowed entry...despite the fact that that ONE penis just might have entered numerous unguarded vaginas prior to hers...anyways...all on her.
I might also add that if a Bahraini girl finds herself pregnant (God help her) then not ONLY will she have to deal with her family (one can only hope she hasnt got "honor killing" believers in her family) she also has to GIVE UP her baby...no matter how she feels about it. There are NO unwed Bahraini mothers of newborn babies out there...just not a done or accepted thing. Her baby will be forcibly taken and placed in an orphanage whether she wanted it or not. Society will NOT allow her to keep that bastard baby and raise it like its NORMAL or something...nope...into the orphanage you go. You could have had at least ONE parent raise you that loved you and wanted you....but noooooo...society says bastards belong in orphanages...and then punish the mother for bringing one into the world...ALL BY HERSELF no doubt...cause we know the guy, the father....will NEVER be held accountable. On the off chance he makes the gallant choice to marry her...you can bet he will remind her all their married life how EASY she was prior to marriage...yeah...it happens...Ive seen and heard it...*sigh*.
Now,I digressed from the point I was making...the reason for this post... it turns out there have been quite a few expats here in Bahrain that came forward wanting to adopt this baby boy. They are willing to open their hearts and their homes to him...not knowing a thing about him....but thats the joy that babies bring into your lives...you love them...even when they are not yours. Spend a little time with a baby and you know what I mean. Not everyone wants to take a baby home that was abandoned, thats for sure, but some do...so why not let them?
Turns out the Bahrain govt is REFUSING to allow an expat to adopt this baby boy....doesnt allow expats to adopt ANY babies here in the Kingdom....and why is that? Shouldnt we be happy to see a baby...an abandoned baby at that...go to a loving home where it will have parents and possibly siblings and a life of love and companionship? Shouldnt we be happy to know this baby wont grow up in an orphanage alone and forgotten...nobody to call Mom or Dad...nobody to call their own? Shouldnt we want a baby to be loved by something more than the nurses that will change it and feed it and the orphanage workers that will make sure it has what is required for growth etc...but do nothing to make him feel loved?
Its not explicitly stated as such but of course the reason babies are not allowed to be adopted by expats is simply because the Muslim govt of Bahrain fears that baby might NOT be raised Muslim! Oh horrors!!! Better a baby is raised by employees in an orphanage then loving parents who might be, argh Christians...or even worse....ATHEISTS!!! *sigh*
As Muslims dont we believe that God leads people to Islam...how many converts are out there in the Islamic world today...whose parents WERE NOT Muslims...whose parents might very well have been completely against the idea of Islam and their child converting to Muslim...but that child still did...why? because its all in Gods hands...not ours.
For the govt of Bahrain to abandon this baby once again and force it to lead an unloved life in an orphanage simply to ensure it grows up Muslim is such a barbaric act against this baby....and not very Muslim like behavior at all.
It means they do not trust the Will of God...trust that if God has determined this baby should be Muslim...then it will be so...despite in which household it grows up in. Whose to say just because it grows up in a Muslim orphanage that it will turn out to be Muslim..if I grew up in such a situation and came to learn that people wanted to adopt me as a baby...wanted to love me and call me their child...but the govt of my country refused me a family...abandoned me to a life of loneliness and pain....and told me it was because MY (their) religion told them to do so...wouldnt I be somewhat antagonized by that fact...wouldnt I be somewhat rebellious towards that religion that required I grow up alone and without parents simply because Muslims themselves DO NOT adopt babies...because thats against Islam too...ironic isnt it?
The govt wont allow expats to adopt this little baby for fears it wont grow up Muslim....but Muslims wont adopt it because Muslims arent allowed to according to hadith etc...Muslims will view this innocent little baby as a bastard all his life....and will call him a bastard in general conversation as if its a title he acquired through a course of study at university...oh this is Bader...he works at Bapco...hes a bastard....believe me...Ive heard similar.
So a potential family would raise this baby to be a son...much loved and cared for...giving him their family name and all that that name entitles him too. Bahraini Muslims will call him bastard and refuse to allow their daughters to marry him because he has no standing, no family name...no lineage....but thats better for him then being raised something other than Muslim?
Now I realize that we should never encourage wanton sex, sex just for the sake of sex and all that...but we have to be grownups about this and understand that sometimes sex happens. With or without the consent of the female involved...it happens...and once sex happens there are numerous consequences that can occur..one of them being a pregnancy. Babies do not ask to be created...do not come into this world worrying about if their parents (and yes there are always 2 parents despite what many Muslims prefer to believe) were legally married and if their conception was wanted and anticipated...but here they are none the less and we should welcome them with open arms once they are here. A baby is NOT to be blamed for its existence and punished by calling it bastard and throwing it into an orphanage and enforced to lead a lonely life simply because that would be easier for US.
I dont get it...and apparently the Muslims Im surrounded by dont either...for the most part...again...*sigh*.
Shame on us...and may God forgive us our barbarity.
*I dont wish to make any assumptions as to why a woman would abandon her baby as Ive never been in that position to even consider it...but knowing this culture and what can happen to her...I can at least say I understand why she would be moved to make such a drastic choice. It cant be easy for her (ok for some women it might be easy...who knows) ...at any rate it was NOT the focus of my post.