Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Give Me A Family ...Please?

When you live in the Muslim/Arab world you have to get use to ONE fact straight away...even if your NOT Muslim OR Arab...unmarried sex is not ok.

Hold on, let me put that another way...getting caught having unmarried sex is not ok.

Wait...wait...let me try one more time. Getting caught having unmarried sex is NOT ok if you are female...especially if the consequences turn out that you get pregnant. God forbid a female gets pregnant over here without the sanctity of a marriage contract to make her baby all hilal and legal. All though I havent personally checked...I heard that, according to the law in Bahrain, it is in fact against the law to BE pregnant and not be married.

Sooooo...lets think about this for a minute. Men are given a certain amount of "permission" to have sex (since they are not held accountable then that is granting them permission in my books)...but when it comes to suffering the consequences of sex...women are the ONLY ones that ARE held accountable....and boy do they (we) suffer.

Lately, this past 2 years or so, there seems to be more abandoned baby news reports in the paper. I cant remember hearing about babies being abandoned in Bahrain when I first came here...but then again news reporting was a whole different ballgame back then. NOTHING bad ever happened. Lived in a right utopia we did. Miss those days....*sigh*.

Anyhow, the latest was this little baby boy in that news report. Officials havent determined his nationality yet...but havent hesitated (in follow up news reports) to shove all the blame onto the mother that abandoned this baby. As well as some comments by readers and by a leading figure here in Bahrain that supposedly helps women overcome difficulties. She was advised to open a shelter or place for unwed pregnant women to come to for help....and she flatly refused...declared that opening a shelter basically condoned unmarried sex and we as Muslims were not in the business of condoning unmarried sex...not to mention SHAME on those women who got involved in such things. Rather than try and have sympathy for these women...who might have been raped by a family member or stranger...or the cases of housemaids their owners...ahem!...I mean employers. Not every pregnant woman on this planet got that way simply because she couldnt keep her legs closed.

She did not mention men in her article...did not mention educating Muslim men about having premarital sex...unprotected sex...or about STANDING by the woman they slept with when it turns out their night of passion (or moment of passion) resulted in life. Nope...all on the female. Females should guard their vaginas against the marauding hordes of penises that assault them from every direction and save themselves for just the ONE penis that is allowed entry...despite the fact that that ONE penis just might have entered numerous unguarded vaginas prior to hers...anyways...all on her.

I might also add that if a Bahraini girl finds herself pregnant (God help her) then not ONLY will she have to deal with her family (one can only hope she hasnt got "honor killing" believers in her family) she also has to GIVE UP her matter how she feels about it. There are NO unwed Bahraini mothers of newborn babies out there...just not a done or accepted thing. Her baby will be forcibly taken and placed in an orphanage whether she wanted it or not. Society will NOT allow her to keep that bastard baby and raise it like its NORMAL or something...nope...into the orphanage you go. You could have had at least ONE parent raise you that loved you and wanted you....but noooooo...society says bastards belong in orphanages...and then punish the mother for bringing one into the world...ALL BY HERSELF no doubt...cause we know the guy, the father....will NEVER be held accountable. On the off chance he makes the gallant choice to marry can bet he will remind her all their married life how EASY she was prior to happens...Ive seen and heard it...*sigh*.

Now,I digressed from the point I was making...the reason for this post... it turns out there have been quite a few expats here in Bahrain that came forward wanting to adopt this baby boy. They are willing to open their hearts and their homes to him...not knowing a thing about him....but thats the joy that babies bring into your love them...even when they are not yours. Spend a little time with a baby and you know what I mean. Not everyone wants to take a baby home that was abandoned, thats for sure, but some why not let them?

Turns out the Bahrain govt is REFUSING to allow an expat to adopt this baby boy....doesnt allow expats to adopt ANY babies here in the Kingdom....and why is that? Shouldnt we be happy to see a abandoned baby at that...go to a loving home where it will have parents and possibly siblings and a life of love and companionship? Shouldnt we be happy to know this baby wont grow up in an orphanage alone and forgotten...nobody to call Mom or Dad...nobody to call their own? Shouldnt we want a baby to be loved by something more than the nurses that will change it and feed it and the orphanage workers that will make sure it has what is required for growth etc...but do nothing to make him feel loved?

Its not explicitly stated as such but of course the reason babies are not allowed to be adopted by expats is simply because the Muslim govt of Bahrain fears that baby might NOT be raised Muslim! Oh horrors!!! Better a baby is raised by employees in an orphanage then loving parents who might be, argh Christians...or even worse....ATHEISTS!!! *sigh*

As Muslims dont we believe that God leads people to many converts are out there in the Islamic world today...whose parents WERE NOT Muslims...whose parents might very well have been completely against the idea of Islam and their child converting to Muslim...but that child still did...why? because its all in Gods hands...not ours.

For the govt of Bahrain to abandon this baby once again and force it to lead an unloved life in an orphanage simply to ensure it grows up Muslim is such a barbaric act against this baby....and not very Muslim like behavior at all.

It means they do not trust the Will of that if God has determined this baby should be Muslim...then it will be so...despite in which household it grows up in. Whose to say just because it grows up in a Muslim orphanage that it will turn out to be Muslim..if I grew up in such a situation and came to learn that people wanted to adopt me as a baby...wanted to love me and call me their child...but the govt of my country refused me a family...abandoned me to a life of loneliness and pain....and told me it was because MY (their) religion told them to do so...wouldnt I be somewhat antagonized by that fact...wouldnt I be somewhat rebellious towards that religion that required I grow up alone and without parents simply because Muslims themselves DO NOT adopt babies...because thats against Islam too...ironic isnt it?

The govt wont allow expats to adopt this little baby for fears it wont grow up Muslim....but Muslims wont adopt it because Muslims arent allowed to according to hadith etc...Muslims will view this innocent little baby as a bastard all his life....and will call him a bastard in general conversation as if its a title he acquired through a course of study at university...oh this is Bader...he works at Bapco...hes a bastard....believe me...Ive heard similar.

So a potential family would raise this baby to be a son...much loved and cared him their family name and all that that name entitles him too. Bahraini Muslims will call him bastard and refuse to allow their daughters to marry him because he has no standing, no family lineage....but thats better for him then being raised something other than Muslim?

Now I realize that we should never encourage wanton sex, sex just for the sake of sex and all that...but we have to be grownups about this and understand that sometimes sex happens. With or without the consent of the female happens...and once sex happens there are numerous consequences that can of them being a pregnancy. Babies do not ask to be not come into this world worrying about if their parents (and yes there are always 2 parents despite what many Muslims prefer to believe) were legally married and if their conception was wanted and anticipated...but here they are none the less and we should welcome them with open arms once they are here. A baby is NOT to be blamed for its existence and punished by calling it bastard and throwing it into an orphanage and enforced to lead a lonely life simply because that would be easier for US.

I dont get it...and apparently the Muslims Im surrounded by dont either...for the most part...again...*sigh*.

Shame on us...and may God forgive us our barbarity.

*I dont wish to make any assumptions as to why a woman would abandon her baby as Ive never been in that position to even consider it...but knowing this culture and what can happen to her...I can at least say I understand why she would be moved to make such a drastic choice. It cant be easy for her (ok for some women it might be easy...who knows) any rate it was NOT the focus of my post.


.::Tuttie::. said...

woman. I hurt reading your post. I agree. I want to adopt as soon as I am able. I wanted to add something to your post. (I am from El Salvador) when I went from the USA to teach in Honduras we went to an orphanage. According to Honduran law you are not allowed (of any religion) to adopt their orphans if the parent is known. Even if the parent has publicly abandoned the child and says they are not interested and even moves out of country.

Of the children you can adopt the restrictions are so great the child would already be 18 by the time he is allowed to go with you.

Anyway back on topic...I hate reading about abandoned children. I can't help but internalize their struggle. I constantly make dua for the children of the world. That Allah swt protects them, keeps them safe and loved. ameen.

The Queen said...

I wonder how many children get raised by their grandmothers as siblings to their mothers as used to be done to protect him from being a 'bastard'? Or do you think that there wouldn't be that kind of love in the Muslim world where familial love trumps punishment of mistakes?

Chiara said...

Coolred--you are in excellent form on this topic and hit all the main points.

I have an older friend from a verrrry Christian family and a culture verrry similar to the Arab culture. She became pregnant while a med student by a med student who wanted to marry her and keep the baby. Her family coerced her into having the baby in a 3rd country, and giving it up to the convent orphanage. She tried for 18 months of that baby's life to be a mother, marry the father, and to find a way to keep the baby, but finally realized the situation was difficult for the child's development and signed adoption papers.

When the child's 16th birthday was approaching, by her own account she was so "insane" with worry and regret that her family performed a (well-greased) miracle and found the teenager. She has worked very hard to build a relationship with biological child, adoptive family and now grandchildren. She still wishes she had had the maturity to stand up to family even to have a perfunctory marriage (the man was abusive) to be able to keep the child, including having the child raised by family while she completed her studies. Needless to say, she is in favour of open adoption.

Re: Bahrain--no kafala? no admiration of the Prophet Mohamed's status as orphan and Allah's blessings on those who taken in orphans? no looking west to Jordan and Ms Abir Muhaisan, adoptee of the Late Queen Alia and King Hussein? no Muslim expats? or is it all about not having an identified father?

Other than kafala, my biggest response to this is DNA DNA DNA! Subpoena the penis and make it give a DNA sample, and give the child at the minimum legal papers and a legal name. Hispano-American wandering men seem to do at least this much, which makes a huge difference in the children's lives.

A French Moroccan friend specialized in orphaned children is trying to get the kafala system and the legal system there changed to give the abandoned children legal papers and surnames--maybe like the Italian tradition "Esposito" (exposed, left), or better a fine Arab/ Muslim name.

janice said...

Oh CoolRed, this is a great post.

Irregardless of religion, I completely agree with you.

I don't understand, I thought there was something in islam that commanded muslims to take care of orphaned children and widows? Oh, wait a minute, is that a state funded orphanage? If so then I guess you are taking care of them. *sigh*

This is so sad. I can't believe no one in the government can see how bad this really is.

San Antonio Cicily said...

These people have no mercy, and Im soooo sure god would want people to go around calling the kid a bastard and to have him raised in an orphanage instead of by loving parents. Its also real nice that maids are raped, girls are raped and its considered their fault. Im sure god approves on men abandoning their responsibilities to this child and thinks that them raping women is ok. Do these people have ANY BRAINS AT ALL or are they just such assholes that they don't care. Screw family honor and all that crap. Also why can't a muslim there in Bahrain adopt the child. I've spent 2 maybe 3 yeas studying the middle east and I have to tell you I wonder if these people have any brains at all? I mean I wonder about brains in other countries too, of course but since were on this subject right now Im wondering about the brains of people in the middle east! Honestly some of these men are only good for one thing and when you've got the one thing throw them out like a piece of trash!

.::Tuttie::. said...

@chiara I know you meant this as a compliment but it rubbed me the wrong way

"Hispano-American wandering men seem to do at least this much"

Nawal said...

Hispano-American wandering men?

Anyway, its more of a moral breakdown throughout society and the world than any particular ethnicity.

There are stupid people in every group, even amongst those that call themselves Muslim. This is just another example of said stupidity.

On an Islamic note, there is only encouragement of Muslims in the QURAN to "adopt", care for, raise, marry, etc orphans. What stupid people do is take a passage that says to call the orphan by their family name to keep family lines straight as an excuse to discriminate.

"2:220 (Asad) ... And they will ask thee about [how to deal with] orphans. Say: "To improve their condition is best." And if you share their life, [remember that] they are your brethren: for God distinguishes between him who spoils things and him who improves..."

Every other verse deals with the heart and treating orphans well or look foward to the hell-fire. So sad these Muslims are too stupid to understand their own Book, but Allah said that not everyone that calls upon Him is a true believer.

As for the people who have sex outside of marriage (either willingly, rape, incest etc) these situations should be viewed as a learning tool. If people would stop and think before they act, they could see the havoc they wreak on others lives and society. If they even have a heart.

The punishments are equal and just but not that many societies and rulers have the character to impliment Allah's judgment now. That will only be done by Allah. Its unfortunate that more people will not stand up for what is right in helping others while the corrupt run amuck. It really says something about both sides.

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) instructed us:

‘When you see an evil act, you have to stop it with your hand. If you can't, then speak out against it with your tongue. If you can't, then at least you have to hate it with all your heart. And this is the weakest of faith.’

Islam has a very strong ethical content, regarding mercy, as always recommended on the personal level. It doesn't however tolerate injustice or accept aggression. Muslims are also required to seek justice and to defend the vulnerable and the powerless. They should never take the stance of indifference or neutrality in such cases. "

Chiara said...

tuttie, Nawal, and all--my apologies, that remark was in no way meant to target or disparage Hispano-American men, nor rub anyone the wrong way. I was thinking of specific Hispano-American (multiple countries) patients who are the children of the longtime mistress, and are grateful that their fathers have recognized them legally, provided some financial support, and given them their surname, which makes an immense difference to their social status, and life opportunities. Their attitude in therapy has been, "At least he did that much". All would have preferred to be part of a traditional family, to have the father leave the privileged and socially more accepted first family to marry their mother, but all adore their mothers.

Hispano-American men came to mind because of these patients, and because the culture is similar in many ways to Arab culture, despite the differences in religion, yet different from what Coolred has described.

My apologies again that the remark sounded worse than intended, and thanks for the opportunity to clarify.

Nawal said...

Dont worry on my part, I know there are bad in every group like I said so any comment must have come from personal encounters or experience.

Nawal said...

My muslim husband has actually warmed me up to the idea of actually adopting in the future and I think that a foreign child in such a culture would benefit greatly.

I may be accompanying my husband to kuwait this year with my son and was wondering if anyone knows about adoption by Americans/Muslims there.

Anonymous said...

I understand your outrage,but remember,not even 50 years ago,in America,Canada and the States,the orphanages were full of children born out of wedlock.
And as a catholic,I know that non catholics couldn't adopt a catholic and vice versa.
So ,blaming muslims is not really indicated in this case.Look at culture not religion.

Nawal said...

Very true Anon:

I just read that expats cannot adopt in kuwait as well.

There are links to volunteer groups though for the orphanage and children's hospitals

Lets encourage people to do what we can in the meantime or until the laws change.

The Queen said...

The orphanages were full of children born out of wedlock where neither parent was able or wanted to raise the baby. These babies that Coolred spoke of are FORCED away from their mothers whether they want to raise them or not.

That a child is called an orphan even though he has a mother that loves him and wants to raise him is a SIN in my eyes.

Chiara said...

Nawal--thanks, and if you are looking to adopt you might want to consider adoption or kafala and then formal adoption in the US from Morocco, which has an active program, and is primarily concerned that the child be raised Muslim by Muslim parents who have the means to do so. Girls are coveted so there are fewer of them.

Lebanon is also an option:

Palestinian children are harder to adopt but possible:,%20west%20bank,%20and%20gaza.html

You are probably aware of this excellent site for US citizens (and others) re: the requirements of different countries about adoption

They have a specific pamphlet on adopting from countries where Sharia Family law applies.

Coolred's point about having the loving mother keep the child is still valid, and it is hard for Westerners to get used to the idea that a child without a living recognized father is an orphan, no matter who is in his or her life.

coolred38 said...

Queen...over here I would say very few. It just isnt done. Babies are taken away...period. I dont know of any family that has such an arrangement...believe me...people talk.

Tuttie...while I can understand being cautious about potential parents adopting...I will never understand why govts make it so damn hard as well. Let the child have a family already.

Chiara...dont get me wrong...people will take care of orphans...every Eid the orphanages are inundated with clothes and toys etc from well meaning Muslims. Quite often an orphan will be sponsored by someone...or a family...who gives him or her whatever they need...pertaining to education etc....but that family is not always known to the orphan...and if it is...its not like the orphan gets to go home and stay with them or have outings etc...its strictly a sponsorship sort of role. I said...they are taken care of...just not allowed to be loved...sigh. sound hot today. I agree with much of your comment...but I wouldnt call of them brainless...not quite ready to go that

nawal...good comment...and I agree.

Anon...while I agree with you to a certain extent...I am in a Muslim country so I can only tell it like I see it.

Queen...that is exactly what burns me up. Even if he/she has someone that wants him...loves his family...he is still forcibly made to be raised without that in his life...forced to be an orphan when he doesnt have to pitiful and mean is that?

Chiara...thanks for the links. I think alot more babies would get adopted here if the laws allowed it.

coolred38 said...

I have always liked the idea of adoption myself. I love having children around me...especially now that my own are growing up...but of course I will never have that chance...economically I just couldnt manage it...but I would in a heartbeat if I could.

Aynur said...

That really, really sucks. :(
I don't understand when the men are not held accountable at all. That is so unfair.
And why the moms can't keep their babies, that's terrible.

I thought that as long as an adoption is an open adoption, it's fine Islamically. But maybe there's hadiths against that, since you said 'according to hadith'...

I just don't understand why the men aren't held responsible too. :(

Anonymous said...

Very sad to read this post :( At least here I'm not exposed to such rude behaviour ethics as Islamic.Thank God for that.

A muslim couple some several years back adopted a HIV infected baby eventhough they were not rich enough to care for him and their own children.They treated him just like their own.It's no simple feat.

A muslim welfare group decided to expand its' services and accomdation after learning of the increase in unwed muslim mothers abandoning their babies.I'll never believe that it's islamic to leave an orpahned bastard child.As you said the child can't be held responsible for what the adults had put him/her thru.That's not fair.

Safety measures should be put in place instead of sweeping such issues as unmarried sex under the carpet.It will not solve anything but only jeapodise more future unborn lives.For once men should be held responsible for throwing out their seeds generously and perhaps we can see some major change in the lives of unwanted children then.

San Antonio Cicily said...

Well when I say brainless I just mean that I don't understand how women are the ones who are wrong and men walk away with no accountability what so ever. Either they really truly believe that its ok to rape someone and walk away, or have sex and not accept the consequenses. I mean you just have to be ignorant to actually believe that this is ok. Either that or these men just don't care! Then the family members brothers fathers etc, kill the rape victim instead of going after the asshole that raped her in the first place. Its sick! On top of that it makes absolutey no sense at all. Is there a thing called love in these mens hearts. It just makes no sense and its wrong. Everything about this issue you have discussed is wrong!

janice said...

CoolRed; "they are taken care of...just not allowed to be loved...sigh."

I believe loving a child is the most important thing in a child's life. I read an article many years ago about newborns who were abandoned at the hospital. The only contact this baby received was when he/she was being feed by the nurses. The child died after a few weeks and the coroner said the baby died from not being loved.

Chiara said...

Coolred--that type of sponsorship sounds like a far cry from kafala, as being guardianship, in the sense of taking the child into the family but preserving the child's patronym and inheritance rights.
You are welcome for the links. I was initially surprised Morocco was adopting babies out internationally but it is a 3rd world country with many unemployed and underemployed.

Aynur--only guardianship, kafala, is allowed, not adoption as in making the child legally yours and changing names and inheritence rights

Janice--you are referring to a well known and lethal psychiatric syndrome in infants called "failure to thrive" where lack of affection, bonding, and physical holding and loving results in wasting and weakening despite receiving the mechanics of care, like food, clothing, cleaning, and shelter. Truly sad, and one of the reasons for closing orphanages here.

Nawal said...

so long as rape is ruled out-why shouldnt the woman AND man be held accountable? Am i wrong or does it sound like a fornicating woman is just as guilty as a man?

rebellious said...

Aynur....there is no full out and out adoption in this society. If you take care of an orphan...even if that orphan comes and lives in your home and in all ways is "your" child...all of society would know that its not really your child. Of course the name alone says so...but also...introductions would always maintain the distance and his true standing always clear and open.

Lat...I couldnt agree more. Thanks

Cicily....I agree...lots of idiots over here. Men are just born and bred to assume no responsibility for what happens AFTER unmarried sex takes place.

Janice...people dont seem to understand just how much we need love in our lives to thrive and find meaning in an otherwise chaotic existence. Poor baby.

Chiara...I believe people view takng care of orphans more as a business type arrangement that full fills their zakah and sadaqa responsibilities. Provide material means but no emotional strings attached...meanwhile...Im sure the orphan would love a string or two now and then over a new dress for Eid etc.

Nawal...all parties involved should have their part of the blame for how do we convince this culture that that is the case?...anyone?

rebellious said...

oops...forgot to change accounts...that was me that


Chiara said...

Wide/Coolred--yes you were identifiable by your style, tone, and content LOL :)

It sounds as though there is a failure to appreciate kafala in its best sense of guardianship, close to open adoption, often within the extended family. :(

BTW a friend adopted a Palestinian Christian from Lebanon, and raised him in her ethnic non-Arab culture, and its specific denomination of Eastern Christianity.
He is a happy successful young man. When he was a teenage he became curious about his identity (one of the tasks of adolescence being to create an adult identity), and his adoptive father promised to take him to Lebanon after high school, and to find his mother for him. He was happy with the offer and never did it.

Anonymous said...

Hey Red,

I think it's all been said. But just wanted to add my 2 cents. Sounds like a pretty unforgiving culture where women are concerned. Lets hope on-going pressure from right thinking people will evenually bring about change for the better.

In the mean time it's heart breaking to think of the suffering that must have gone into such a decision (abandoning ones child)
Poor baby poor Mother.

Fat Too

janice said...

Thank you Chiara, I knew someone would know of what I was refering. Somehow I knew you would be that one.

Chiara said...

Janice--you are welcome, and it raises a relevent memory. When my infant niece became ill, "failure to thrive" was one of the diagnoses that went through my mind, based on her symptoms (difficulty eating, loss of milestones), and which I happily tossed as it would be impossible. Even if her mother were severely depressed there would be no lack of relatives, aunts and grandmothers in particular, to step in and take over appropriately--one advantage to the extended Arab family, when they do have/ take in a child.

coolred38 said...

Fat Too...thanks for the comment...but in this case I dont think it can "all" be said until its no longer a common practice...*sigh*

And yes...I cant imagine and dont ever want to contemplate the giving up of my baby...especially in a country that will only give it an orphanage...not a home and family.

Chiara...they do take care of the it belongs to their family...yes?

Anonymous said...

"Officials havent determined his nationality yet"

How ridiculous. How on earth do you determine the nationality of a new born baby? It's skin color?

coolred38 said...

Anon...that was written in one of the follow up newspaper articles...its not something I added. I also have no idea how they would determine its nationality at this early stage...and for what purpose knowing that would serve?

Chiara said...

Coolred--yes, my niece was cared for by the maternal side of the family. Her father's family was actively trying to break the marriage up after the recognition of the severe handicaps (blind, deaf, no movement, etc); and, making sure it was the mother's or her side of the family's fault for the "defect", whereas of course it was no one's fault. She lived beyond the expected 3-5 yrs because of all the TLC --Amen/Ameen. The marriage defied statistics and stayed in tact and they have a normal 2nd daughter.

Babies are most often born with a nationality--either the father's or the mother's or that of the country in which they are born or some combo--except in a few countries, not to name names.

Stacy aka Fahiima said...

Its just sad. So much gets swept under the rug. Some cultures are too image obsessed. They won't allow children born out of wedlock live a normal existence, and God forbid if you are born handicapped. You may never be allowed outside.

coolred38 said...

Chiara...right...always blame the female for any defects babies are born with...completely forgetting that God creates how He wills...not how females will.

My reference to the nationality was taken from the paper...but I was wondering when a baby is just days old...why would the authorities even worry about it at that stage.

Stacey...I agree. My own ex had one such neice in his family...she rarely ever goes out...and has almost no contact with those outside the family.

btw I sent this letter to the local newspaper, Gulf Daily News...changed it up a bit was in yesterdays paper. They removed quite alot of it which sort of defeats its purpose...having said that....apparently I won the Star Letter plus Bd25 for it. Lol. yay me

Chiara said...

Coolred--yes, even in the best families, when there is a medically challenged baby or child, everyone wants to feel they aren't at fault, and the blaming (and hidden self-blaming) starts. In this case, the father was divorced with a normal daughter from the previous marriage, adding to the incrimination my SIL didn't need. Toss in the "cursed by Allah" by being given an abnormal child, and there is ample fodder for guilt and shame. The paternal family didn't help at all, so my SIL cut them off and her husband visits family alone. I'm glad to say her (ie my inlaws) were stellar, in support and care for her, her daughter, and her husband.

I agree the first question should be how to help this child, not nationality, except perhaps to marshall extra resources. As an aside, not all countries have droit du sol (nationality by birthplace)--boggling the mind of this Canadian.

coolred38 said...

Chiara...that whole "cursed by Allah" excuse just ticks me off. I guess the assume God is in the habit of cursing people by giving them children that will suffer thier whole lives with some defect or another. Why not just curse the parent with such a defect or whatever? Why always children?

Chiara said...

Well the SIL (hub's sister)herself was traumatized physically (lasting dysfunction of a limb) by a mid-wife's actions (saved her life though--but still a good argument for a hospital or hospital on stand by birth), so she felt doubly cursed, even though she knew rationally that both her and her daughter's situations were medical and no one's fault. Add in standard mother guilt (did I eat something wrong, exercise too little/ too much, etc while pregnant--make a first time mother care error?, etc) and I'm amazed at her psychological strength to come out of it all. Her hub was very supportive when he got over the shock and she put her foot down about his family. He is a good man, with a family of limited "perspective" shall we say.

Agreed that curses should be born by the truly guilty and not the innocent or their innocent children.

Anonymous said...

"The govt wont allow expats to adopt this little baby for fears it wont grow up Muslim....but Muslims wont adopt it because Muslims arent allowed to according to hadith etc...Muslims will view this innocent little baby as a bastard all his life....and will call him a bastard in general conversation as if its a title he acquired through a course of study at university...oh this is Bader...he works at Bapco...hes a bastard....believe me...Ive heard similar."

Just so you know the truth, Islam encourages the taking in of an orphan or a child who is abandoned. Adoption in the western sense is not permitted but that does not mean the child lacks rights or LOVE.
To say "Muslims will view this innocent little baby as a bastard all his life....and will call him a bastard in general conversation" is a gross and unfair generalization, as a guardian/mom! to an abandoned Muslim child I take great offense of course. Not a single person in my Muslim family refers to her as a bastard and as a matter of fact several other members of my Muslim family have also taken in orphans (some more than one).
You hearing someone talk this way hardly means "Muslims" even if the few individuals you heard say this are Muslim.
Living in the Muslim/Arab world I understand and agree with your point about premarital sex being almost an acceptable practice for men (even if its one kept quiet) but absolutely not acceptable for women. The thing is that this is not a cultural issue that is limited to the Muslim/Arab world. Not so long ago in America it was the same way and still today a girl in America who is known to have sex with many men is often referred to as a slut while it is rare you hear negative words about an American man who has multiple sex partners....even THAT man may call the women he has slept with sluts, his list maybe number 50 while quite possibly each of those were virgins or had maybe one sex partner before him.
The point is that you are narrowing an issue down to one group or culture when in fact it isn't an issue that is only in the Muslim/Arab world.