Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Playing the What If game

There are many events that occur in our childhoods that can change who we are...or who we were meant to be. A good kid with a promising future can suddenly be thrown down a new road just by hanging out one night with a new chum that takes him to a drug buy. Promises of "you cant get hooked the first time" are famous last words...no? Or how about that valedictorian that believes her boyfriend when he maps out their whole future and promises of "happy ever after" ring in her ear...she will go to college and he will support her and life will be wonderful...until she turns up pregnant...and boyfriend runs for the hills. Its those "little things" that trip us up...set us on a new course that was never figured into the Big Plan that is our life. Quite often its meeting a certain someone...a new face in your life that appears to be a good thing but in reality should be accompanied with sinister back ground music and red flags all over the damn place...but most of the time we dont see the danger coming...we ignore the flags...and forever after that we are destined to spend a good portion of our severely altered lives wondering ....what if?

I was just watching a movie called The Butterfly Effect in which a man has figured out a way to go back in time and change events that happened in his childhood in order to change the tragic way things eventually turned out in his and his friends lives. However, he discovers that changing one thing in order to prevent some tragedy from happening etc only sets off a new set of circumstances that allow another sort of tragedy to happen. He tries again and again with varying results...none of them good...each time he or his friends are effected by the new outcome in a psychological or physical way. Eventually his only solution to prevent any sort of tragedy to all concerned was to never meet his friends in the first place..to never be friends with them and thus no event could ever occur that would result in tragedy. So he goes back one last time...and prevents that friendship from blooming....desperate act by a desperate man that loved his friends enough to sacrifice his future friendship with them.

Problem with altering his childhood so that he never met his friends thus preventing tragedy...he also prevented himself from meeting the future love of his life. One of his friends would eventually be his girlfriend whom he would love more than anything and she and the other friend would change his life for the better in many profound ways...as well as eventually leading to tragedy. And so...because he loved her so much...he gave up the opportunity of ever meeting her...of having her in his life...of loving her ...just to protect her and prevent tragedy coming to her. Love is such a kick ass emotion!!!

Of course once the credits started rolling...so did my mind....what if?

I spent the better part of the night playing the What If game...all I can tell you is...no matter how hard you try...when tragedy is written it seems that you cant escape it....except by one way...to never meet the person that causes the tragedy to occur. Well that would be fine and dandy...not ever meeting up with that disgusting monster would have been icing on my cake...I had a life, I had plans that didnt include a future abusive controlling incestuous husband/father...

Only one problem with that scenario...if I didnt meet him...then I wouldnt have the love of 5 beautiful children in my life.

Damn!!! you just cant win this game can you?


Suroor said...

Coolred, I don't cry easily. And I don't get all PMSy either. But whenever I read your posts I can't sleep in the night. I keep thinking about you. You are in my prayers; I know you don't believe in them but...

Chiara said...

It seems like you have an extra severe case of the "what ifs" lately. I hope life moves forward in a more positive way to help get you unstuck (obviously along with your own efforts to unstick yourself!) :-)

ana's dubai blog said...


Forgive me for barging in but I just can't help making this comment.

This particular phrase (below) in this great post caught my attention.

"all I can tell you is...no matter how hard you try...when tragedy is written it seems that you cant escape it....except by one way...to never meet the person that causes the tragedy to occur"

I know that we are the writers of our life and that no one would ever want to write his or her life to be a tragedy. Would you?

What I mean to say is if you believe that we are the ones responsible for writing our life and the path we take in, somewhere along the way there you meet a few instruments that influence your own story but still.... you have your choice.

Great post and it got me thinking again of the good old days which by the way makes us feel young again. Thanks.


coolred38 said...

Suroor...its enough if you believe in them for me. Thank you.

Chiara...I admit it...Im in a slump these days. Guess Im a little more frustrated with how things are going more than usual. Shouldnt last much longer...havent got time to wallow.

Ana...thank you for stopping by...and for thoughtful comment.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I play this game...far too often. I come to the same conclusions as you did in some of my scenarios.

Also, I liked the take from the Time Machine a little better. It was that you can't invent a machine that allows you to go back in time and save a person from tragedy. Otherwise, the machine wouldn't have been invented.

I actually have a story that I wrote around that scenario. I keep thinking about sprucing it up and seeing if I can ever publish it.

Ah, what if...again!

Susie of Arabia said...

Your 2nd to the last paragraph says it all - You've got your kids. You have managed to see the silver lining despite all the pain you have had to endure. You have your beautiful children.
You are so very thoughtful - and I love that about you!

coolred38 said...

mjenks...thank you and I know...you cant go back...doesnt stop me from wishing...sigh!

Susie...yup...my kids are worth every moment of misery we suffered....hands down.

o0UmmHasan0o said...

hello, okay i dont post on your blog alot of the time, as i dont really know what to say.. you face such hard times, i feel my words are not adequate enough!

but i do think of you and your own.. even mention your situation with my husband who is appalled by it.. and how you and your family have been treated.

i hope this brings some cheer to you.. if you think its daft that is okay too..

come and choose an award! http://o0ummhasan0o.blogspot.com/2009/02/companions-award-tag-check-in-here.html

Suroor said...

Coolred, I wanted to discuss something with you. If you feel its ok can you please email me at achelois06@gmail.com


coolred38 said...

Sure thing Achelois

The Queen said...

What if...you went back in time and made sure he got hit by a bus as soon as you were pregnant with your last child? What if...you'd convince him as soon as you'd gotten married, to donate sperm just in case then you made sure he got hit by a bus?

See some what ifs just might work but, since we don't have that time machine they are pointless
EXCEPT where they can be lessons for your children. That is where you need to be thinking, how do I turn this into a lesson to be learned?

Chiara said...

No time to wallow is an excellent cure!

coolred38 said...

Queen...well Ive considered running him over myself numerous times in the past...a bus would have been nice. Alas...we cant change the past.

Chiara...an occasional wallow is allowed I think...we cant be gung ho 24/7...lol.