Sunday, December 14, 2008

B12.......B.....12...next number called is B12!

I generally like spending time with my mom...shopping...sitting and talking...the occasional afternoon spent fishing...but the line must be drawn somewhere...sometimes, against our better judgement, we agree to accompany someone somewhere even though our "little voice" tells us...not such a good idea. I give you Saturday night at the bingo hall...

Mom has had to deal with a lot of emotional garbage lately as anyone reading my blog knows...so when she invited me to play bingo to "forget our troubles for awhile"...how could I refuse? I havent played bingo in years but if memory serves me correctly it basically boils down to putting little markers on your card of numbers...make a line or cover everything and you have a bingo...and get the ultimate pleasure of shouting out BINGO!! so that everyone else knows you got one too...sounds simple...and the best part...you can win money...Im there for you Mom!

Well, things didnt look too good right from the front door...the place was so full of smoke Im pretty sure I could have written my name in the air just by moving my arm in the appropriate directions...before the night was over Im fairly sure I inhaled a lifetimes worth of cigarette smoke and so cancer should be coming along nicely anytime soon...ugh! Ironically whenever anyone blew smoke in my direction...I replied by blowing it right back at them...and they had the nerve to look offended...WTF! (of course...being a child of my mother...I did not do this to my mom...she is my ride home after all..lol)

So basically to start the night out you must stand in a very long line in order to purchase your books. Each book consists of a set of sheets of paper...colored coded for easy reference...and I, being a newbie and all, settle for just one book...while others I noticed had several books...all laid out on the table in front of them. Some people were gluing their books together...for what I dont know...and still others were already making daub marks on sheets even though we hadnt even started yet (had we?). I realized then that ink filled blotters were all the rage now...no more little chips that were hard to pick up and even harder to keep on a card so that you kept forgetting which number it was meant to cover. Technology has even hit the bingo industry...cool!

As we headed for my moms "spot" we had to snake our way through tables and chairs that barely left room to change your mind...much less squeeze through. I noticed as I was busy squeezing that many people seemed to have a system...or maybe what might be called a ritual...in their spot. Some ladies had little animals or ornaments of sorts set up along the side...others had their little idols all around the perimeter...to keep the good luck mojo in...or the bad luck mojo out...not sure. I did find it somewhat amusing at the actual number of potential winners that seemed to believe their cards were winners all ready...and so kept a watchful eye against anyone that wanted to maybe sneak a peek. The easiest way to pick out these paranoids was to look pointedly at their cards for just a split second too long...and right away an arm came out to block your view...along with a look that surely had some black magic curse being whispered along with it. I decided the best option was to get to my seat without actually having eye contact with anyone along the way.... I do not need to add black magic curses to my dismal year now do I?

So, once your at your spot...apparently you set up shop by arranging your belongings...your good luck charms..your 10 different bottles of daubing ink...your 4 packs of cigs and overfilled ashtray...your dollars for future extra sheet buys along the way...and your paper bag that sits forlorn on the floor...ingesting all the broken dreams...I mean bingo game sheets that were losers. You also stake out exactly the same amount of space that everyone else has, roughly 2 square feet and God forbid if anyone should encroach your space with even a mere hint of an elbow. Im thinking there is great potential for violence...just going on the glares that are shot at anyone that passes the magic invisible boundary line.

There is a general air of fellowship right up until the moment the first ball is called for the first game...then all friendships are forgotten in the quest for the Big Payoff!!. Well, actually the first few games are regular bingos and so have small jackpots...but there are two blackouts which are the high jackpots...and thats what everyone comes for basically.

I dont know about you but when I was a kid a bingo consisted of 5 marked numbers in a line either up and down, across, or diagonal...one night of bingo and I can tell you its all a bit more complicated then that. There is actually a sheet given out that tells you what each color coded sheet represents and what type bingo you are required to get before shouting Bingo! So instead of straight forward bingo...there are triple reno's, which means you have to get three bingos on one sheet...and corners count....picture frame, 4 leaf clover...and so on...each sheet of squares of numbers requiring a different sort of bingo, so I, having one sheet of paper per bingo, had about 12 little individual squares of numbers that I had to quickly scan and mark and keep track of whether or not there were 3 bingos, one bingo...a picture frame...or whatever was required, on any given sheet. The Caller was way too fast in my opinion...and I was struggling to keep up...meanwhile women twice my age were daubing and gossiping and smoking without even pausing to catch their breath....and many of them had a table full of sheets...damn how did they do that? I would have been happy to have a side kick standing by to wipe my sweaty brow and give me a sip of water now and then...alas...I had to go it alone. Most of the time I had no freaking idea if I even came close to having one bingo much less 3 or whatever...my eyes were too busy trying to come uncrossed.

Anyhow, as the night wore on I did come close 3 times...on the blackouts which are fairly straight forward...cover everything to win...and needing just one number to enable me to shout out Bingo!...but always lost out to some "lousy no account that surely did not deserve it as much as I did"...or so I heard so many other women grumbling each time someone else called out Bingo!...that and a few more harsh words that I wont bother to reprint here...who knew the Bingo world was so cutthroat and that "grandmothers" knew such language?

Now heres the truly funny part about the whole night...as we played the last game...a blackout with a high pot...everyone started actually getting very ansy in their seats the closer we got to having a winner. I couldnt figure out exactly what the deal was...until my mother whispered to me..."be ready to go any minute now"...go where? What? I dont get it. Suddenly someone shouted BINGO! and before the actual bingo could be verified... hundreds of seats were being pushed back and about 5000 years worth of human life (did I mention at 40 I was among the youngest players there) were grabbing personal belongings...shrugging into jackets etc and headed for the carpark. I looked up just in time to see my recently smoking daubing mother on her way out the door with a shout over the shoulder to "hurry the hell up"...I hurried...what else could I do?

Out in the parking lot is was like a full blown police raid in progress with dozens of cars tearing out of the parking lot as if the Hounds of Hell were in hot pursuit...all that was missing were red flashing lights and someone shouting through a megaphone. Gone were the smiles and friendly chit chat from moments before...now it was apparently every man and woman for themselves. It would surprise you to know just how fast...uhm...older people...can move. After barely reaching the car in time to snatch the door open and jump inside before my mother squealed tires and made a dash for the exit...it all dramatically calmed down as soon as we hit the main road. What exactly the rush was to get out of the parking lot was I do not know...apparently neither does anyone else...its just a Bingo ritual along with all the others I guess...if you didnt win...dont stick around to watch the winner gloat?

Days later Im still coughing up second hand smoke and trying to get the red ink out of my fingernails...not to mention still seeing blurred numbers swimming in front of my eyes...and heres mom calling to ask me if I want to go on the weekend...uhm....let me think about it mom and I'll get back to you on that one.





15 comments:

Suroor said...

This is funny! I really enjoyed reading it. Hope your mum is feeling better now emotionally. She is one brave woman.

The Queen said...

You described bingo perfectly! You made me miss my mom and our bingo days. snif

I still have my bag with all my good luck trolls that I would line the table with.

Did you not notice that those little old ladies with all those cards could also dab the ones you missed?! Wild how they can do that, upside down even since they are sitting across from you!

Monica said...

Well... you have just helped me make my decision NOT to take my 10 year old psuedo stepdaughter (boyfriend's kid) to bingo next weekend. She and her mom can go, cause I'd betcha it would be the same scene(though probably sans the smoke since we're in DC). Goodness!

Anonymous said...

You brought back memories. I went to a Bingo game once when I was in my 20's -- about 35 years ago, it was identical to what you described. I did read once that hard core bingo players go from one game to another and sometimes even drive to different states to be at a specific game. I wonder if those rushing out were heading out to another game.
BW

coolred38 said...

Suroor...thank you...I think shes doing ok. We are there for her.

Queen...now that you reminded me I have to laugh because, yes, when I was struggling to duab all mine..my helpful advisors alongside me were half reaching over to daub for me.

Monica...glad I could help...I think? Dont tell your stepdaughter it was me that made up your mind...dont think I can handle the guilt.

Anon...now theres something I didnt think of...but then it was going on 10 pm...do they do late night bingo?

The Queen said...

My favorite Bingo was in Canada. It went to 90 numbers and there were no numbers involved. They called '1 and 6, SIXTEEN! Top of the house...90!' They ended up shutting it down after 9/11 and all the holdups with extra security at the border kept all the Americans at home. I'm still pissed at those damned terrorists for that! They had 'sessions' every 2 hours, everyday, with the first session starting at noon on the weekends and the last one starting at 2am (that might have been a special occasion). They just don't do Bingo like that here in the States so I don't do Bingo anymore. One thing though, I've never heard of a Bingo parlor that it was legal to take kids to. They have to be 18 anywhere I know of.

Monica said...

Coolred- no worries, to make up for it I'm taking her to the hockey game tomorrow night. Way more fun!

Queen- I think they go to the VFW but it might be a church... I'm not sure.

coolred38 said...

Queen...not sure about the 18 year rule as Ive seen some young people in there playing...even some that couldnt be more then 12-14. What I dont understand given the amount of smoke in there...are why some people bring their babies...Im like WTF! You choose to be there breathing that air...your baby doesnt. Anyways...

Monica...I have never been to a live sporting event...hockey would be my choice if I had one...have fun!

Monica said...

CR-
let me know if you're ever in DC, I'll take you!

MaryAnn said...

Loved this post, thoroughly enjoyed it and sat there reading it with a huge smile on my face!

Susie of Arabia said...

I knew people who used to go play Bingo, but I never have. I couldn't take all the smoke!

coolred38 said...

Monica...deal!!

Maryann...Im glad you enjoyed...now if I could only have ended the story with the words...I WON!! now that would have been perfect...and adequate compensation for all the pollutants I inhaled....sigh!

Susie...I hear ya...will be hard pressed to go back again...all though I heard that there will be a before Christmas last bingo game with a $1200 jackpot...hmmm...Im thinking maybe I can deal with some smoke one more time...lol.

Ordinary Housewife said...

This is hilarious! I haven't been to Bingo in years and had no idea how quirky it is. Philadelphia used to have Gay Bingo, a regular weekly fundraiser, which was so fun and popular that you had to get advance tickets to get in. I regret not going when I lived there.

San Antonio Cicily said...

This is funny, did you see anyone with troll dolls lined up? Have you ever see the episode of "Roseanne" where she plays bingo and gets addicted!

coolred38 said...

San Antonio....I read your comment among the others waiting for moderation...and Im thinking...what the hell do Troll dolls and Roseanne have to do with Lost? I was about to hit the rewind button and try and figure out what I missed...lol.

btw I did see people with little dolls etc lined up...whether they were troll dolls I can not say.