I was chatting to my daughters earlier who happen to be on the other side of the planet now...and have been for a month. I miss them terribly. There is hole in my heart that will not be filled again until they are within hugging distance once more. I still pretty much feel it was the right thing to do sending them there...but who knew missing someone could be akin to a physical pain that tylenol and the like cant touch?
My oldest daughter was showing me her new mobile phone by holding it up close to the webcam. I could see pics she had taken of her and her sister etc. They we grainy and hard to see but I was still happy to see them...allowing me to be sure that they were happy and fairly content....as much as could be expected anyhow. However, it was when she showed me a short video she had recorded of her sister that I truly felt my heart skip a beat...and then settle down at last...believing with all my being that sending them home was exactly the right thing to do...and all because of a somersault in the grass.
Allow me to explain. The video showed my youngest daughter in the yard attempting to do a somersault. She would try...then fall..then try again...and fall...and there would be much laughing and goading to try again from those off camera...and she would. The video lasted about 3 minutes but I found myself with my nose practically pressed up to the small webcam window trying to take in every detail of that small grainy video....and a huge grin was on my face...here is why.
Here in this country the female body is viewed as "walking fitna"..meaning that everything a female chooses to do with her body must first pass the acceptance of the males in that society she resides in...less she entice them and lead them to commit a haram act (it would be her fault of course as men have no control over their sexual tendencies...or so Ive been told). At any rate...because the female body is just a vagina with legs(throw in a pair of breasts too if you must)...then whatever she is doing...means her vagina is doing it too...and that means she is calling attention to her vagina...and that of course is HARAM!! Which leads to the very strongly held opinion that females should never ever engage in any sort of physical activity while outside and under the observance of the male gaze. Thus no running...no skating...no bike riding...no basketball or any such similar sport...and definitely no somersaults or backflips or headstands...or any of those childhood forms of physical exertion we all did growing up. A trip to the park is a very stark lesson in this "rule"...boys will be running all over the place like wild animals...like boys the world over do...and girls will be most likely either sitting with the family...or walking quietly along talking with a friend or sister etc. Only the very young girls can get away with running about and just "being a kid"...being a kid only lasts until your around 6 or 7...after that...obey the rules and always always ALWAYS remember that your just a vagina in the eyes of the public...most especially the male public.
So Ive always been saddened a great deal that my girls could not "play" outside like I did as a child. They couldnt play tag...couldnt ride bikes...couldnt scream and shout and run around like wild animals less someone scold them and shame them into behaving themselves...in other words...reminding them that they had a vagina that needed taming. Eventually they would give up in even trying to attempt to play...and just resign themselves to sitting or walking along...like good little girls. I wont say they always obeyed the "rules" ...but then again...even prisoners riot now and then just to let off some steam.
So there I was...watching my daughter from the tiny screen of a mobile camera held up to the equally tiny screen of the webcam window watching her attempt some somersaults in the grass...and I felt like my heart would burst from the happiness it felt. At last...my daughter being what she has always been but was never allowed to be...a girl...a child... fun loving, playing outside and enjoying LIFE...without the glares from the public...without the shaming hisses to behave herself...without the condemnations and whispered threats of haram and hellfire promised....she was having fun...and all of this heartache and missing of her that I have felt this past month melted away(almost...sigh) when I realized I most definitely did the right thing. All this suffering being apart...all this heartache that squeezes my heart in a vise like grip...all this worry and anxiety about what I sent them too...and what they left behind (us)...just didnt seem to matter while I watched her PLAY...my heart was satisfied...my mind was settled...my resolve was strong...and all because of a somersault.
but I still miss them ...sigh!