Sunday, October 10, 2010

Is There a Trevor in Your Life?

I love spending time on Ellen Degenerous's offical website (http// ) because, not only are the video's of her show and things she has done so funny, she also puts things on there worth watching that aren't always so funny but very important. ( I might add that I have been clicking away on her tickets calender for a year now and no luck...always full or I'm doing it wrong. Hey Ellen, could you hook a girl up pleeeeeese?)

A lot of people who "know" her have heard her speak out against bullying and she has admitted that of course she suffered that as well when she came out as a lesbian in Hollywood just when she was becoming well known and famous. She says she was shut down and nobody wanted to touch her after that. She suffered adult bullying and I happen to know personally that it hurts no matter what your age is.

She showed them though and came back bigger and better than ever. In your face Hollywood!!!

However, dealing with this bullying when you are young can be life altering...even life ending. You are made to feel different, or when people perceive you as different, their "normal" reaction is to isolate you even more. To ostracize you and make you feel that your difference is somehow your fault, your problem, your defect. You must deal with it alone, or change and become "one of them" in order to be accepted.

For a young person this forced change can be the beginning of the end for how they perceive themselves. When you are different (as judged by society) everything else connected with you appears "off" or nuanced into suggestive meanings. Your every step, word, or thought is made to feel skewed or somehow shameful. Your not "normal" and boy don't the bullies let you know it.

On Ellen's website she has a short film called Trevor(for some reason my copy paste abilities are suffering today, but you can find the film on her website or Google of course). This is a film about a teenage boy just coming to learn that he is possibly gay and the repercussions he suffers because of it; both from this parents and society (school mostly). It's poignant because throughout Trevor tells himself that he "looks normal" and "feels normal" but apparently everyone else can see something different about him that he can't see himself, otherwise why would they treat him as they do?

The film is almost lighthearted in it's acting but the message is strong and in your face. Not everyone is "like you" and who are you to demand that of anyone anyways. Why demand people be "normal" because what does normal mean anyhow? Normal to you (any you) means to bully people into changing themselves to suit you and make you happy. So is bullying a characteristic of "normal"?

When you look in the mirror do you see "normal" or is there always something about you that you would change, and are these changes possible; like losing weight or cutting your hair, or something impossible like changing the color of your eyes....or your sexuality? It seems bullies, both adult and children, demand we change things about ourselves to please them in some way.

If you are gay, change that because I am not gay and everyone should be like me. You might not be gay, but you're a homophobic hateful bully with a black heart that cannot accept people for who they are without taking it personal and wanting to force them to change. Why should I be like you...are you normal?

I loved this short film because it says so much in such a short time. The message is direct and easy to understand; not everyone is the same and what a better place the world is because of it. We are not all cookie cutter personalities with desires and dreams that match...what a boring world it would be if it were.

For those of you who point a finger at those of us who aren't normal (and yes I include myself because...really...there isn't too much normal about me. I'm fucked up in so many ways you don't even know), when you look in the mirror are you completely satisfied with the person looking back at you...or is there something...just a little something, you would change to better suit your idea, or societies idea, of what constitutes "normal"?

Nobody is perfect, we all have our flaws, but when you look at me (any me) with my short body, red hair, long spindly legs, stutter, freckles, pudgy belly, gangly walk, non stop tick, bad teeth and bad skin, green eyes, blue eyes, brown sexuality... when you look at me and don't like what you see and decide you have the right to point it out and demand I change it....let me ask you this....why should I?

Do you stay awake at night unable to sleep because I wear clothes that offend you, because I have thoughts that offend you, because I dance, talk, laugh, sit, eat or do nothing at all and that still somehow offends you, or is it because I found love, the hardest of all emotions to find, keep, and cherish, with someone you don't agree with...and you find that the biggest offense of all. Why are you losing sleep over this...why are you shaking your head, clenching your fists and feeling a sense of revulsion at my happiness and gratitude that I. Found. Love.?

Why are you standing there feeling superior that you are hetero that you are "normal" and that you are doing God's work by sending me and my "type" to hell simply because I love? God created me with the ability to love...He did not create me with the ability to choose whom I love. Why should I be punished for His omission?

When we are young our parents tell day you will grow up and find someone to love and who loves you. What they don't tell us is that society must first agree with our choice because society has a say in who we love...even though we ourselves have absolutely NO say in who we fall in love with. Is loving someone something we choose? Can we point at a person and say..."hey, I think I will make myself fall in love with you today"....can hetero's do that? I'm guessing they can because they seem to assume gay people can do that too.

I cannot stand people who bully, people who judge, people who spend so much time up on their "holier than thou" soapbox that they can't live among the rest of us.... without looking down.

Must we always find reasons to look down on people...why not find reasons to look up to them instead? I find that the kind of normal everyone should strive for. The world is in the fucked up condition it is today because we spend so much time looking for differences in each other that we miss all the similarities.

Speak out against bullies...even if you don't like something you see in others...neither you nor anyone else has the right to demand they change it. Even if you use God as your "excuse"...just turn a blind eye to someones "defect", to their gayness, just like you turn a blind eye and keep silent about so many other "un-religious" actions so many of your faith engage in. Just add this one to that list...won't ya?

Or does that and let live thing ... just pertain to YOU and your "lifestyle choices"?


Kaleema said...


Angel Darling said...

Great post Coolred. No bullies zone in my home or my work.

Adult bullies are unbelievable... they are adults, they should know better. I've come across a few recently... took me a while to figure out that that's what they were.

George said...

Thank you so much for this. It's great to hear people speaking out about this kind of thing!

Anonymous said...

this is one of your worst posts.very boring.


coolred38 said...


angel...I know right...cause they look just like me and u. Not always easy to see them for what they are. need for thanks for stating the obvious.

anon...and I worked so hard on it to please YOU....*sigh*.

Susanne said...

great message here!

oby said...

I know what all the holy books say...homosexuality is wrong. Yet, it also says that God doesn't make mistakes(or at least the Bible does). If that is the case, then why is there homosexuality? Many would say that a person chose the lifestyle. And of course if one chooses it then they can unchoose it. Once it becomes a choice it becomes fair game for judgement. And it is usually judgement by people who have a whole cemetery full of skeletons in their won closet.

Many years ago I was involved in a very small intimate class with a handful of students. We lived together and the instructor lived in the main house with us. We all became close (no hanky panky at all... just friends) and I asked this man once what it was like to be gay and does he feel he had chosen it? He did not get offended. Instead he told us how difficult his life had been because of it. He had been bullied, his family had rejected him, he can't "marry" the one he loves, and on and on. He concluded by saying that the society is not one that easily accepts gays even if they are the most loving good people in the world and WHY would he CHOOSE such a lifestyle? It is fraught with too many difficulties. If he had a choice he would choose to be straight. He spoke with seriousness and candor and was not offended. It really opened my eyes to what it is like for him and how just BEING is a challenge.

Even though I consider myself a spiritual person I think it far more important that people love each other and be kind and good and try not to judge each other's lives. I personally would be very happy to know or befriend 20 gays than one religious extremist who is trying to kill others due to the fact they believe in a different version of God. Utterly insane. Who cares which version they believe in? That is between them and God. But if one gets brownie points for bringing someone into the fold or for discriminating as per the Holy book(pick one)then of course they have enormous incentive for discriminating, killing and general mayhem.

Religion has done so much to damage the world. If each of us just focused on what WE can do to make this a better world by improving OURSELVES WITHOUT judging others...well then..the world would be such a much better place.

Anonymous said...

oby u said : Religion has done so much to damage th
e world. If each of us just focused on what WE can do to make this a better world by improving OURSELVES WITHOUT judging others...well then..the world would be such a much better place.

all wars fought between athiest and non religious criminals...

world wars,vietnam war(athiest communists and democrAZY USA) 2world wars( more than 80 millions deaths and many country destroyed)....and many more..

dont blame religion for your faults.

Anonymous said...

I KNEW YOU WAS A DYKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LMAO

coolred38 said...

oby...that was a nice comment and in regards to your student that explained his feelings about being seems all gay people will tell you that same story and express those same sentiments. Who would actively choose to be gay knowing the serious repercussions that could ensue?

Q. Im sorry...did you forget the Crusades...not to mention Muslim invaders gave citizens the "convert or pay the jizya" tax...and then treated nonmuslims the incentive to convert (at least in theory if not by action) was a real imperitive.

Religion is almost always the reason behind war...even if not expressly portrayed that way. There is always a sense of "my god is better than your god therefor I am better than you".

btw Africa is full of Muslims and Sudanese specifically are busy annihilating each other (interesting that Muslims from other countries are not rallying to save them from themselves as they are so ready to do for Palestinians)...does that have anything to do with religion?

coolred38 said...

anon...gee that hurt.

oby said...


If more people minded their own damn business instead of trying to do God's job for him this world would be a nicer place. If it is against God's will then let GOD deal with it. What gives you the right or me the right or power to judge one of God's children? It is not your place or mine or anyone else's to condemn people for it. Too many of the problems in the world are stemming from someone who thinks that they know better, do better, have greater faith, and by golly they are going to make sure that other people tow the line too. "let he who is free from sin cast the first stone". That pretty much leaves out everyone.

Anonymous said...

I once heard a story about two brothers in India. The younger of the brothers had told his father that he would only marry the girl Dad picked for him. When his older brother found out about this, he thought his little bro had gone nuts, and told him so. The younger brother had his number though: 'My dear, you forget one thing: love is a choice.' And indeed it is. What's really fun is when you're bi. Then you have to make choices all the time. And yes, you choose to love, and you choose how to love. Let's say that 'Love your neighbor as yourself' isn't just a suggestion - it is a command. That does not necessarily mean 'Fall in love with your neighbor.' But let's say that if you string together enough little decisions to love your neighbor as yourself, you may well end up with more than you bargained for. I've been in love probably 20 times in my adult life, and that is *always* how it got started - from the choices I made...