Continuing on from my previous post...many years have passed since I experienced that emotional gut wrenching funeral of the "sleeping man" I did not know but that does not mean I don't think about it often...way too often in my opinion. *sigh* The whole thing is more like a dream now...but its never far from my thoughts.
As for my second story...I was 6 months pregnant with my 3rd child and we lived out in Hamad Town. The first few years we lived there it was fairly isolating and lonely simply because a lot of the houses were not lived in yet...and not having a phone or car didn't help much either. My neighbors at the time were a Syrian family in which there were two wives and numerous children. I would visit them from time to time as a neighborly type thing...when someone was sick or during Eid etc...but I didn't really understand their Arabic and so visiting was a stilted and confusing affair best left for now and thens. My oldest daughter would quite often accompany me (she was 4, or 6 or 8...you get the picture) and would do her best to translate. Something she has been doing for me her whole life when and if needed. Thanks daughter *smiles*.
The older, or first wife, had around 6 or 7 kids...I was never completely sure as they never seemed to be all in the same place at the same time. In the years I lived there she seemed to have a new baby every 2 years or so...and even after I left she had more as I seen the new additions years later when I happen to pass by. If I had to guess I would say she had around 15 kids all together...but that's only a guess...could have been more. (another post for another day would be how her posse of kids made my life a nightmare with their constant coming and going in MY house, taking my food, my kids toys, my sanity...and leaving destruction in their wake...lordy the memories)
The younger, second wife, was fairly new and only had one little boy at the time that we moved in....but within a year or so she had a little girl. This little girl was not destined to spend much time on earth...but I feel like her death was something that could have been avoided...she was sacrificed on the altar of ignorance and I cry still when I remember what happened to her.
Picture a house overrun with children. Everything from screaming toddlers to teens and everything in between. Every morning the front door would open and our neighborhood was besieged by this gang of tiny thugs...causing mayhem and destruction where ever they went. The youngest could be seen in the middle of the street..playing with broken toys...peeing or on occasion pooping...and always always seconds away from being just a memory in their mothers heart due to the number of cars that routinely dodged them as they came around the corner (this house was right on a scary curve in the road)....I'm constantly amazed that none of those kids ever died being hit by a car (that I know of)...I'm not saying there were never hits...they were...thankfully most people had slowed down enough to make the corner that those hits were not enough to do serious damage. It never taught the kids or the moms a lesson though about road safety *sigh*. ...anyhow...
The complete disregard for their children's safety was a burning point with me. I did not want to have to witness a serious injury or, God forbid, a death merely because those two mothers would prefer all the kids be outside out of the way while they did whatever they did. I don't want to minimize the blame to the father...but the guy was hardly ever around. In all the years I lived there I only seen him a handful of times. I always wondered if he had yet another family somewhere else with more kids and more ignored wives for the most part. Who knows? On several occasions my own husband would go over and talk with him about keeping his kids safe etc (ironic I know...asshole) and the guy would just throw up his hands in apparent defeat and say.."what can I do...the mothers don't want them in the house cause they make a mess".
Well here's a thought...don't have a tribe of kids if you cant handle them and if you believe treating them like animals to be let out every morning and brought back in every night for feeding is how to raise kids...then I declare you an unfit parent and shouldn't be allowed to have any....15 (?) kids later its a bit too late...but I only hope luck is on your side as to their safety...
it wasn't...
Anyhow, one morning life was going along humdrum as usual. I was cleaning my house and listening to my own kids playing in the next room when suddenly my husband burst into the kitchen to shout that their was trouble at the Syrian house and maybe I could go over and check it out...see if I could do anything. He had been outside fixing on a van when the first wife came to him and asked him to take a look at seconds wife's little girl. Something was wrong with her. He didn't feel comfortable going into their house without the husband around so told me to go see what was up.
Trying to guess what might be the problem was no good as many times in the past bandages, bandaids, panadol, iodine, gauze etc were all borrowed for the latest injury sustained. I was thinking maybe one of the other kids fell on her or dropped something on her and cut her...she was only 7 months old at the time and her siblings were very rough and dangerous...to themselves and to others.
I plodded over, not in too much of a hurry since I was heavily pregnant, but as I drew nearer I could hear all Hell breaking loose. Screaming and crying and the sound of things crashing about. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest to hear such a commotion....it just seemed odd and out of place on that quiet morning. I mean their house was generally noisy anyhow...had to be with that many kids...but this was something else all together. It was absolute pandemonium!....I decided I needed to hurry.
I walked into the front door to find chaos in full force. Kids were running everywhere....mostly naked even though it was winter time...the first wife was shouting, at nobody in particular it seemed, and adding to the confusion and noise. As I mentioned I didn't understand their Arabic too well so really didn't know what she was going on about. I looked around for the second wife hoping to spot her baby and see if I could get a look at her. I found her over by the back door...holding her little girl...the baby was naked as well and the mom was crying and rocking back and forth but nobody was paying much attention to her. I hurried over and tried to look at the baby but she held her protectively and wouldn't let me see much. I decided it was no time to be nice about it and reached over and tore her hands away and grabbed the little girl for a closer look.
I'm no doctor...not even close...but with my first look I felt that little baby was already dead at that point. She had no apparent injuries that I could see on her naked body...but her eyes appeared to be fixed and dilated...her skin wasn't soft and pliable like a baby's should be....and her little mouth was slightly open....and she was cold.
I assumed she was dead already....but I didn't KNOW that for sure...so I laid her down so that I could start CPR on her. I had taken classes years before...I tried furiously to remember the differences when giving CPR to babies...the two finger approach...the lighter puffs so the lungs are not damaged....my mind was racing meanwhile chaos still reigned supreme around me. I tried my best to shut all that out so I could focus on this little child...so I could help this baby that had no one to help her.
At some point my husband stuck his head in...saw the emergency and ran back to the van to throw it back together again so he could take them to the hosp. None of us had a phone back then...and their were no neighbors with a car either and the hosp was about 20 min away.
So there I was...this little "sleeping" angel on the floor in front of me...pandemonium all around me...one screaming mom and one sobbing mom...and all I wanted to do was get some breath into this little girl and give her a chance once she got to the hosp. I administered CPR for an untold amount of time...I have no idea how long it was as time meant nothing. It must have been awhile...enough to frustrate her mother that nothing was happening as she reached over and grabbed her child at some point and began putting clothes on her. I tried grabbing her back but the mother was focused now. My limited ability to get converse with her meant I couldnt explain what I was trying to do...and that it might take more effort to have affect. I was compeltely frustrated and felt utterly useless.
Put clothes on her girl and everything would be all right....seemed to be what the look on the mother's face was telling me. I tried taking her baby again but she glared at me and pushed me away...and I nearly fell backwards with my heavy belly wanting to tip me over. I looked down at her baby and felt so dreadfully sad for her and for a moment could only imagine what this mother was going through. I placed a hand on my own belly and said a silent prayer...both for this agonized mother and for myself and this unborn child.
I figured there would be no more chances to help her...and I felt the baby was long gone already...so I walked outside and just tried to calm my heart and breathe.
My husband came rushing over and into the house. A few moments later the two wives came out with the baby and got into the van and left with him. I felt like crying when I realized they had left the remaining children alone in order to take a dead child to the hospital...a child that was maybe dead due to some neglect they made her suffer. At this point all the children ran screaming out into the streets again...seemingly uncaring that one of their tribe was no more. I realize the younger ones wouldn't likely understand...but the older ones had no excuse to be so cold about it all. They were old enough to understand what death was all about...yet here they were....roughhousing and running about like everything was normal and ordinary. I wanted to scream at them...but I didn't...what purpose would it have served?
I walked back to my house and sat down on my front door step and just tried to think of nothing at all. My heart was heavy and my mind tried showing me again and again that little angels face...a face that would never smile again with a baby's cute smile...or eyes that would never twinkle again with baby like curiosity. I kept the tears at bay for at least an hour...until my husband came home and told me she was dead...and had been so for awhile. Apparently she had some slight heart problem and the doctors had told the second wife to make sure she was kept warm and to keep an eye on her breathing etc. Apparently the mom decided to give her baby a bath...in cold water...in the winter time no less. If that wasn't bad enough...she had left her NAKED for a period of time while she attended to something else.
That little girl didn't stand a chance against such ignorance and neglect.
I cried my heart out for that little girl then. I just sat there and cried until my eyes burned and my chest felt ready to explode. It seemed like such a WASTE of a precious little life. There was that family popping out kids like they were intent on populating the planet all by themselves...and had NO clue about how to care for children. I was sooooo damn upset that God could see fit to give UNFIT parents a child in the first place...not even one child...15(?) dams kids at that!!!
My husband got fed up and told me I was going to cause my own unborn child harm if I didn't quit crying and get a hold of myself...I didn't believe him...but I calmed down...tears don't fix anything...and they certainly don't turn back the hands of time. That baby was gone. The end.
Two thoughts remain with me about that experience. The second wife had another baby within a year...a little girl. She named that little girl the same as her first little girl. I found that rather upsetting and hard to swallow myself....but it wasn't up to me. That tribe of kids continued to grow and to run wild in the streets...there were many more accidents and near deaths in the years we lived next to them...they apparently didn't learn a thing. Poor kids.
Second thought...something that has plagued me with guilt all these years. My mind tells me that that little girl was dead already by the time I got to her and started CPR. The doctors also say she had been dead awhile...but I don't know how long they mean when they say "awhile"....so sometimes when I think about it...I think about how it was soooo damn noisy...and how I was trying to breath life into this little child that deserved it more than anyone else in that room at that moment...and I remember how I tried to listen to her chest...how I tried to drown out the sound of all that chaos and focus on a heartbeat...a breath sound...ANYTHING that would tell me she was responding....I tired so hard but then her mother grabbed her...and I could try no more. And I try NOT to think about how maybe...just maybe...there had been a faint heartbeat...a slight breath sound...a glimmer of a chance that would have turned into a full blown flame if I had tried harder...or if I had spent more time on her rather than her mother grabbing her away and snuffing out any chance there might have been.
I think about that....and I'm sad....but I'm angry as well. 23 years later and I see mothers here all the time very blase' about the safety of their children. Yes they love them. Yes they care for them...but do they think about their safety even for a moment? Small children alone in the streets tell me they don't. Very obese little children tell me they don't. Unseatbelted children tell me they don't. Children left alone at ages when NO mother should even consider leaving their child unattended tells me they don't. . Young children swimming alone...playing outside alone....waiting for the school bus early in the morning....alone. *sigh*
One more thing....the number of people in this country that DO NOT know how to administer basic CPR is staggering....by my own personal experience very few people even consider it something they need to bother about. Most people have no clue even what it means. Ive witnessed several instances and heard of others...in which CPR could have saved a life...but nobody around even knew enough about it to consider it an option as a life saving technique. My own oldest daughter stood by (she was around 12) while her best friends grandmother died in front of her...in a house FULL of people...and not ONE of them knew CPR to try and save her life until the ambulance could arrive (an ambulance that took forever to get there btw...another reason to learn CPR).
People are drowning at the beaches and swimming pools every year here in Bahrain...because people go into the water NOT knowing how to swim...and NOT bothering to have someone that can swim watch over them....and NOT having someone around that knows how to administer CPR if an emergency should require it. A little girl died from drowning in a family pool last year while all her family stood around and cried and beat their chests and wailed for God to save her...
depend on God...but tie up your camel...as the hadith goes. *sigh*
Learn CPR if you haven't all ready...you could save a life.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Some Things Just Cant be Forgotten...pt 1
*I wont put any pics with this post cause seriously...I don't know what sort of pics to put....endure!!!
I realize with 24 hour news service that we are likely to see a dead body or two (or three or four) displayed for our voyeuristic pleasure...if that's the sort of pleasure you're into. Open any newspaper and what ever war is currently going on in the world will have casualties...and casualty pics always sell newspapers.
Bombs go off and torn bodies are scattered like so much confetti across the roads and throughout market places from one side of the globe to the other. The walking wounded holding their bleeding heads or torn appendages with dazed looks shattering their faces...we can turn the channels but there is always another inhumane vision awaiting us. It seems you cant escape mans inhumanity to man even if its your most ardent wish. Death follows us...in more ways then one.
Now, viewing death from the relative safety of our living rooms might give us a moments hesitation in the routine of our day...might make us pause and give thoughts of sympathy or outrage to whatever or whomever it was that caused the latest carnage...but for the most part...that moment is fleeting and we sigh and turn the channel...and get on with the process of living. Death is for the dead after all.
Now and then though we cant merely turn the channel because death decides to visit us....rudely intrudes into our safety bubble and makes its very real presence known...possibly a family member passes...a car crashes in front of us and its occupants are thrown into the road...a pedestrian is run over and laid out on the side of the road as we pass...flashing lights and rubber necking passer byes all that signal that life has passed. For many of us....an insistent need to crane our necks to get a fleeting look at a lifeless body is hard to explain...possibly we are secretly happy that WE are not the ones laid out for all and sundry to view with carnivorous delight...that we can drive on home to our dinners and families and forget the whole idea of death...for the moment. No need to go looking for death when we are fully aware, but try to ignore the fact, that death is constantly on the lookout for us.
I personally have had only two experiences with seeing a "real live" dead person (no pun intended). Both left me devastated and reeling....crying and emotionally torn apart...exhausted afterwards with the constant barrage of images that wouldn't leave the up heaved surface of my mind. The ironic thing about these bodies is that they didn't actually look dead...as much as asleep. One was an older man that had passed away after a heart attack...the other was a baby. Listen up...
When I was 14 years old my mothers best friend's father passed away from a heart attack...as I mentioned. I had never met this man before...knew nothing about him...but apparently my mother felt I should accompany her to his funeral. An open casket funeral. I was petrified. I had visions of horribly mangled bodies and blood everywhere....horror movie stuff for sure. I begged her not to make me go but she insisted that everyone should attend at least ONE funeral in their lives...make you appreciate living more....or so was her excuse. I wasn't buying it...I was a teenager remember...I was going to live forever. Death would NOT dare come intrude upon my life (unless it was me shooting my father...but that's a different story). Of course I went...who can say no to their mothers?
We arrive at the funeral and everyone is sitting already while the Priest? Father? I'm not sure really...my first funeral and all...was giving the eulogy (possibly). I might add that this family's native tongue was Spanish...and thus...not only was I out of my comfort zone physically....I had no idea what anyone was saying for the most part. Added to my emotionally confused state I might add.
Thanks Mom.
After the eulogy everyone stood in a line moving towards the front of the church. I was not quite aware at that point what we were all shuffling our feet towards...remember...I had never been to a funeral...I figured we were lining up to meet the family...give our condolences and move on.
We were actually...sort of.
As we neared the front of the line I heard a deep moaning sound that made the blood in my body absolutely freeze...like a wounded animal keening from some dark place in the woods. The moan grew in intensity until it was more of a wail...and I was absolutely sure at that moment that I definitely DID NOT want to confront whatever was making that heart rending sound. My mother would not allow me to go sit in the car and wait for her...I still remember that Mom.
I finally reach the front of the line and I'm faced with two things. An open coffin with a dead man who could be sleeping lying in it....and a large Mexican woman wailing and beating her chest...and holding out her arms to me in anticipation for the hug of condolence I'm meant to give her. WTF!!!
She had copious tears flooding her face making rivers of misery that dripped from her chin like a tiny rainstorm. She wailed in Spanish of which I understood not a single word...but could understand the meaning of none the less...she had lost her mate...her love....her partner....she was alone now...and none of us want to be alone in the life.
Despite not knowing this woman...despite not understanding a single word she said...despite never having anyone I personally know die in my lifetime...despite not knowing the man who lay there "sleeping"...and despite wishing I was anywhere but there....I ran into her needful open arms and cried right along with her. While enveloped in her bear of a hug, pouring out words of condolence of which I cant remember a single word of...she continued to wail and I felt as I were coming apart. Touched by her abject misery that seeped into my skin and invaded my bones...my tissue...my heart...until all hopes of ever experiencing happiness again in my life was like a lost dream of impossibility.
The whole experience lasted only moments until she opened her arms allowing me to move away so she could embrace the next in line...my mother. Shaken I moved forward and came face to face with the coffin...with a man that lay sleeping yet would never ever wake up. There was no blood...no broken bones...nothing to indicate that life was violently snuffed from this body and not taken softly and with little fanfare. He died in his sleep....not even his wife, who slept beside him, knew of his death until she tried to wake him in the morning. It seemed so unfair that this man could lie there looking for all the world as if he would open his eyes at any moment, sit up in this coffin with a confused look in his eye...and ask those gathered for whom or what were they gathered...for he had been merely taking a nap and all was well.
Life taken so easily and quietly absolutely horrified me. Ive never been able to fall into sleep with quite the same blase' attitude since that funeral. Always wondering if I myself might "wake up" to find myself in a coffin someday...having been taken by death...stealthily sneaking in upon me while I slept....perhaps dreaming of tomorrows hopes and dreams. It was soooo freakin UNFAIR...I was completely overcome by anger at that point and seethed...holding back my thoughts until my mother was finished and we left the church.
While still crossing the street to her car I finally unlocked my tongue and shouted at her without remorse...."I hope you die long after me mom cause I will NEVER go to your funeral. I will NEVER go to ANOTHER FREAKIN FUNERAL AS LONG AS I LIVE....!!!!!"
She remained quiet until we got in the car and had sat there for a few moments. My chest was heaving as I fought to control my tears of fear and trepidation...I realized that I was fearful of the day I would have to face my mothers body lying in a casket...to view her with no expectations of eyes opening and that smile of hers I loved so well. That twinkling look that always shined from her coffee brown eyes. Knowing the life my father forced us into....the constant barrage of physical abuse we endured...I had a deep fear that she would never end up lying in a coffin looking for all the world as if she were asleep. He wouldn't allow such a peaceful sort of death to claim her...of that I was sure. If there was ever a body to bury in the first place that is as I secretly believed I would come home from school some day only to be told my mother had decided she didn't want to be our mother anymore and so had "abandoned" us...never to be seen again.
I lived with that fear of my mother "leaving us" under mysterious circumstances everyday of my childhood. Attending that funeral made it all so much more real for me of the possibility that I would and could lose my mother...while she "slept" beside my father. I was devastated and hated her a little bit for forcing me to go and experience that devastating and horrible fact.
She looked at me and told me that I already knew life wasn't pleasant but because we had faith we could feel joy for that man who had passed....because he had left behind all earthly sorrows and was with our Father in Heaven now. That was the the only thing we should focus on ...that he had moved on from this life onto the next...and I should be happy for him. As if.
It took me quite along time to get over that funeral.....as a matter of fact the image of him lying there has never left me....the image of his wife wailing and opening her arms to me has never left....white hot anger I felt at my mother has dimmed but has never truly left me. I might understand her motives at this advanced age...but still cant forgive her taking me unprepared and completely against my will. I can't imagine ever doing the same to my own children...but then again....in this culture viewing the body at a funeral is not really an option. Anyways...
*to be continued
I realize with 24 hour news service that we are likely to see a dead body or two (or three or four) displayed for our voyeuristic pleasure...if that's the sort of pleasure you're into. Open any newspaper and what ever war is currently going on in the world will have casualties...and casualty pics always sell newspapers.
Bombs go off and torn bodies are scattered like so much confetti across the roads and throughout market places from one side of the globe to the other. The walking wounded holding their bleeding heads or torn appendages with dazed looks shattering their faces...we can turn the channels but there is always another inhumane vision awaiting us. It seems you cant escape mans inhumanity to man even if its your most ardent wish. Death follows us...in more ways then one.
Now, viewing death from the relative safety of our living rooms might give us a moments hesitation in the routine of our day...might make us pause and give thoughts of sympathy or outrage to whatever or whomever it was that caused the latest carnage...but for the most part...that moment is fleeting and we sigh and turn the channel...and get on with the process of living. Death is for the dead after all.
Now and then though we cant merely turn the channel because death decides to visit us....rudely intrudes into our safety bubble and makes its very real presence known...possibly a family member passes...a car crashes in front of us and its occupants are thrown into the road...a pedestrian is run over and laid out on the side of the road as we pass...flashing lights and rubber necking passer byes all that signal that life has passed. For many of us....an insistent need to crane our necks to get a fleeting look at a lifeless body is hard to explain...possibly we are secretly happy that WE are not the ones laid out for all and sundry to view with carnivorous delight...that we can drive on home to our dinners and families and forget the whole idea of death...for the moment. No need to go looking for death when we are fully aware, but try to ignore the fact, that death is constantly on the lookout for us.
I personally have had only two experiences with seeing a "real live" dead person (no pun intended). Both left me devastated and reeling....crying and emotionally torn apart...exhausted afterwards with the constant barrage of images that wouldn't leave the up heaved surface of my mind. The ironic thing about these bodies is that they didn't actually look dead...as much as asleep. One was an older man that had passed away after a heart attack...the other was a baby. Listen up...
When I was 14 years old my mothers best friend's father passed away from a heart attack...as I mentioned. I had never met this man before...knew nothing about him...but apparently my mother felt I should accompany her to his funeral. An open casket funeral. I was petrified. I had visions of horribly mangled bodies and blood everywhere....horror movie stuff for sure. I begged her not to make me go but she insisted that everyone should attend at least ONE funeral in their lives...make you appreciate living more....or so was her excuse. I wasn't buying it...I was a teenager remember...I was going to live forever. Death would NOT dare come intrude upon my life (unless it was me shooting my father...but that's a different story). Of course I went...who can say no to their mothers?
We arrive at the funeral and everyone is sitting already while the Priest? Father? I'm not sure really...my first funeral and all...was giving the eulogy (possibly). I might add that this family's native tongue was Spanish...and thus...not only was I out of my comfort zone physically....I had no idea what anyone was saying for the most part. Added to my emotionally confused state I might add.
Thanks Mom.
After the eulogy everyone stood in a line moving towards the front of the church. I was not quite aware at that point what we were all shuffling our feet towards...remember...I had never been to a funeral...I figured we were lining up to meet the family...give our condolences and move on.
We were actually...sort of.
As we neared the front of the line I heard a deep moaning sound that made the blood in my body absolutely freeze...like a wounded animal keening from some dark place in the woods. The moan grew in intensity until it was more of a wail...and I was absolutely sure at that moment that I definitely DID NOT want to confront whatever was making that heart rending sound. My mother would not allow me to go sit in the car and wait for her...I still remember that Mom.
I finally reach the front of the line and I'm faced with two things. An open coffin with a dead man who could be sleeping lying in it....and a large Mexican woman wailing and beating her chest...and holding out her arms to me in anticipation for the hug of condolence I'm meant to give her. WTF!!!
She had copious tears flooding her face making rivers of misery that dripped from her chin like a tiny rainstorm. She wailed in Spanish of which I understood not a single word...but could understand the meaning of none the less...she had lost her mate...her love....her partner....she was alone now...and none of us want to be alone in the life.
Despite not knowing this woman...despite not understanding a single word she said...despite never having anyone I personally know die in my lifetime...despite not knowing the man who lay there "sleeping"...and despite wishing I was anywhere but there....I ran into her needful open arms and cried right along with her. While enveloped in her bear of a hug, pouring out words of condolence of which I cant remember a single word of...she continued to wail and I felt as I were coming apart. Touched by her abject misery that seeped into my skin and invaded my bones...my tissue...my heart...until all hopes of ever experiencing happiness again in my life was like a lost dream of impossibility.
The whole experience lasted only moments until she opened her arms allowing me to move away so she could embrace the next in line...my mother. Shaken I moved forward and came face to face with the coffin...with a man that lay sleeping yet would never ever wake up. There was no blood...no broken bones...nothing to indicate that life was violently snuffed from this body and not taken softly and with little fanfare. He died in his sleep....not even his wife, who slept beside him, knew of his death until she tried to wake him in the morning. It seemed so unfair that this man could lie there looking for all the world as if he would open his eyes at any moment, sit up in this coffin with a confused look in his eye...and ask those gathered for whom or what were they gathered...for he had been merely taking a nap and all was well.
Life taken so easily and quietly absolutely horrified me. Ive never been able to fall into sleep with quite the same blase' attitude since that funeral. Always wondering if I myself might "wake up" to find myself in a coffin someday...having been taken by death...stealthily sneaking in upon me while I slept....perhaps dreaming of tomorrows hopes and dreams. It was soooo freakin UNFAIR...I was completely overcome by anger at that point and seethed...holding back my thoughts until my mother was finished and we left the church.
While still crossing the street to her car I finally unlocked my tongue and shouted at her without remorse...."I hope you die long after me mom cause I will NEVER go to your funeral. I will NEVER go to ANOTHER FREAKIN FUNERAL AS LONG AS I LIVE....!!!!!"
She remained quiet until we got in the car and had sat there for a few moments. My chest was heaving as I fought to control my tears of fear and trepidation...I realized that I was fearful of the day I would have to face my mothers body lying in a casket...to view her with no expectations of eyes opening and that smile of hers I loved so well. That twinkling look that always shined from her coffee brown eyes. Knowing the life my father forced us into....the constant barrage of physical abuse we endured...I had a deep fear that she would never end up lying in a coffin looking for all the world as if she were asleep. He wouldn't allow such a peaceful sort of death to claim her...of that I was sure. If there was ever a body to bury in the first place that is as I secretly believed I would come home from school some day only to be told my mother had decided she didn't want to be our mother anymore and so had "abandoned" us...never to be seen again.
I lived with that fear of my mother "leaving us" under mysterious circumstances everyday of my childhood. Attending that funeral made it all so much more real for me of the possibility that I would and could lose my mother...while she "slept" beside my father. I was devastated and hated her a little bit for forcing me to go and experience that devastating and horrible fact.
She looked at me and told me that I already knew life wasn't pleasant but because we had faith we could feel joy for that man who had passed....because he had left behind all earthly sorrows and was with our Father in Heaven now. That was the the only thing we should focus on ...that he had moved on from this life onto the next...and I should be happy for him. As if.
It took me quite along time to get over that funeral.....as a matter of fact the image of him lying there has never left me....the image of his wife wailing and opening her arms to me has never left....white hot anger I felt at my mother has dimmed but has never truly left me. I might understand her motives at this advanced age...but still cant forgive her taking me unprepared and completely against my will. I can't imagine ever doing the same to my own children...but then again....in this culture viewing the body at a funeral is not really an option. Anyways...
*to be continued
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Give Me A Family ...Please?
http://www.gulf-daily-news.com/NewsDetails.aspx?storyid=256430
When you live in the Muslim/Arab world you have to get use to ONE fact straight away...even if your NOT Muslim OR Arab...unmarried sex is not ok.
Hold on, let me put that another way...getting caught having unmarried sex is not ok.
Wait...wait...let me try one more time. Getting caught having unmarried sex is NOT ok if you are female...especially if the consequences turn out that you get pregnant. God forbid a female gets pregnant over here without the sanctity of a marriage contract to make her baby all hilal and legal. All though I havent personally checked...I heard that, according to the law in Bahrain, it is in fact against the law to BE pregnant and not be married.
Sooooo...lets think about this for a minute. Men are given a certain amount of "permission" to have sex (since they are not held accountable then that is granting them permission in my books)...but when it comes to suffering the consequences of sex...women are the ONLY ones that ARE held accountable....and boy do they (we) suffer.
Lately, this past 2 years or so, there seems to be more abandoned baby news reports in the paper. I cant remember hearing about babies being abandoned in Bahrain when I first came here...but then again news reporting was a whole different ballgame back then. NOTHING bad ever happened. Lived in a right utopia we did. Miss those days....*sigh*.
Anyhow, the latest was this little baby boy in that news report. Officials havent determined his nationality yet...but havent hesitated (in follow up news reports) to shove all the blame onto the mother that abandoned this baby. As well as some comments by readers and by a leading figure here in Bahrain that supposedly helps women overcome difficulties. She was advised to open a shelter or place for unwed pregnant women to come to for help....and she flatly refused...declared that opening a shelter basically condoned unmarried sex and we as Muslims were not in the business of condoning unmarried sex...not to mention SHAME on those women who got involved in such things. Rather than try and have sympathy for these women...who might have been raped by a family member or stranger...or Hell...in the cases of housemaids etc...by their owners...ahem!...I mean employers. Not every pregnant woman on this planet got that way simply because she couldnt keep her legs closed.
She did not mention men in her article...did not mention educating Muslim men about having premarital sex...unprotected sex...or about STANDING by the woman they slept with when it turns out their night of passion (or moment of passion) resulted in life. Nope...all on the female. Females should guard their vaginas against the marauding hordes of penises that assault them from every direction and save themselves for just the ONE penis that is allowed entry...despite the fact that that ONE penis just might have entered numerous unguarded vaginas prior to hers...anyways...all on her.
Now,I digressed from the point I was making...the reason for this post... it turns out there have been quite a few expats here in Bahrain that came forward wanting to adopt this baby boy. They are willing to open their hearts and their homes to him...not knowing a thing about him....but thats the joy that babies bring into your lives...you love them...even when they are not yours. Spend a little time with a baby and you know what I mean. Not everyone wants to take a baby home that was abandoned, thats for sure, but some do...so why not let them?
Turns out the Bahrain govt is REFUSING to allow an expat to adopt this baby boy....doesnt allow expats to adopt ANY babies here in the Kingdom....and why is that? Shouldnt we be happy to see a baby...an abandoned baby at that...go to a loving home where it will have parents and possibly siblings and a life of love and companionship? Shouldnt we be happy to know this baby wont grow up in an orphanage alone and forgotten...nobody to call Mom or Dad...nobody to call their own? Shouldnt we want a baby to be loved by something more than the nurses that will change it and feed it and the orphanage workers that will make sure it has what is required for growth etc...but do nothing to make him feel loved?
Its not explicitly stated as such but of course the reason babies are not allowed to be adopted by expats is simply because the Muslim govt of Bahrain fears that baby might NOT be raised Muslim! Oh horrors!!! Better a baby is raised by employees in an orphanage then loving parents who might be, argh Christians...or even worse....ATHEISTS!!! *sigh*
As Muslims dont we believe that God leads people to Islam...how many converts are out there in the Islamic world today...whose parents WERE NOT Muslims...whose parents might very well have been completely against the idea of Islam and their child converting to Muslim...but that child still did...why? because its all in Gods hands...not ours.
For the govt of Bahrain to abandon this baby once again and force it to lead an unloved life in an orphanage simply to ensure it grows up Muslim is such a barbaric act against this baby....and not very Muslim like behavior at all.
It means they do not trust the Will of God...trust that if God has determined this baby should be Muslim...then it will be so...despite in which household it grows up in. Whose to say just because it grows up in a Muslim orphanage that it will turn out to be Muslim..if I grew up in such a situation and came to learn that people wanted to adopt me as a baby...wanted to love me and call me their child...but the govt of my country refused me a family...abandoned me to a life of loneliness and pain....and told me it was because MY (their) religion told them to do so...wouldnt I be somewhat antagonized by that fact...wouldnt I be somewhat rebellious towards that religion that required I grow up alone and without parents simply because Muslims themselves DO NOT adopt babies...because thats against Islam too...ironic isnt it?
The govt wont allow expats to adopt this little baby for fears it wont grow up Muslim....but Muslims wont adopt it because Muslims arent allowed to according to hadith etc...Muslims will view this innocent little baby as a bastard all his life....and will call him a bastard in general conversation as if its a title he acquired through a course of study at university...oh this is Bader...he works at Bapco...hes a bastard....believe me...Ive heard similar.
So a potential family would raise this baby to be a son...much loved and cared for...giving him their family name and all that that name entitles him too. Bahraini Muslims will call him bastard and refuse to allow their daughters to marry him because he has no standing, no family name...no lineage....but thats better for him then being raised something other than Muslim?
I dont get it...and apparently the Muslims Im surrounded by dont either...for the most part...again...*sigh*.
*I dont wish to make any assumptions as to why a woman would abandon her baby as Ive never been in that position to even consider it...but knowing this culture and what can happen to her...I can at least say I understand why she would be moved to make such a drastic choice. It cant be easy for her (ok for some women it might be easy...who knows) ...at any rate it was NOT the focus of my post.
When you live in the Muslim/Arab world you have to get use to ONE fact straight away...even if your NOT Muslim OR Arab...unmarried sex is not ok.
Hold on, let me put that another way...getting caught having unmarried sex is not ok.
Wait...wait...let me try one more time. Getting caught having unmarried sex is NOT ok if you are female...especially if the consequences turn out that you get pregnant. God forbid a female gets pregnant over here without the sanctity of a marriage contract to make her baby all hilal and legal. All though I havent personally checked...I heard that, according to the law in Bahrain, it is in fact against the law to BE pregnant and not be married.
Sooooo...lets think about this for a minute. Men are given a certain amount of "permission" to have sex (since they are not held accountable then that is granting them permission in my books)...but when it comes to suffering the consequences of sex...women are the ONLY ones that ARE held accountable....and boy do they (we) suffer.
Lately, this past 2 years or so, there seems to be more abandoned baby news reports in the paper. I cant remember hearing about babies being abandoned in Bahrain when I first came here...but then again news reporting was a whole different ballgame back then. NOTHING bad ever happened. Lived in a right utopia we did. Miss those days....*sigh*.
Anyhow, the latest was this little baby boy in that news report. Officials havent determined his nationality yet...but havent hesitated (in follow up news reports) to shove all the blame onto the mother that abandoned this baby. As well as some comments by readers and by a leading figure here in Bahrain that supposedly helps women overcome difficulties. She was advised to open a shelter or place for unwed pregnant women to come to for help....and she flatly refused...declared that opening a shelter basically condoned unmarried sex and we as Muslims were not in the business of condoning unmarried sex...not to mention SHAME on those women who got involved in such things. Rather than try and have sympathy for these women...who might have been raped by a family member or stranger...or Hell...in the cases of housemaids etc...by their owners...ahem!...I mean employers. Not every pregnant woman on this planet got that way simply because she couldnt keep her legs closed.
She did not mention men in her article...did not mention educating Muslim men about having premarital sex...unprotected sex...or about STANDING by the woman they slept with when it turns out their night of passion (or moment of passion) resulted in life. Nope...all on the female. Females should guard their vaginas against the marauding hordes of penises that assault them from every direction and save themselves for just the ONE penis that is allowed entry...despite the fact that that ONE penis just might have entered numerous unguarded vaginas prior to hers...anyways...all on her.
I might also add that if a Bahraini girl finds herself pregnant (God help her) then not ONLY will she have to deal with her family (one can only hope she hasnt got "honor killing" believers in her family) she also has to GIVE UP her baby...no matter how she feels about it. There are NO unwed Bahraini mothers of newborn babies out there...just not a done or accepted thing. Her baby will be forcibly taken and placed in an orphanage whether she wanted it or not. Society will NOT allow her to keep that bastard baby and raise it like its NORMAL or something...nope...into the orphanage you go. You could have had at least ONE parent raise you that loved you and wanted you....but noooooo...society says bastards belong in orphanages...and then punish the mother for bringing one into the world...ALL BY HERSELF no doubt...cause we know the guy, the father....will NEVER be held accountable. On the off chance he makes the gallant choice to marry her...you can bet he will remind her all their married life how EASY she was prior to marriage...yeah...it happens...Ive seen and heard it...*sigh*.
Now,I digressed from the point I was making...the reason for this post... it turns out there have been quite a few expats here in Bahrain that came forward wanting to adopt this baby boy. They are willing to open their hearts and their homes to him...not knowing a thing about him....but thats the joy that babies bring into your lives...you love them...even when they are not yours. Spend a little time with a baby and you know what I mean. Not everyone wants to take a baby home that was abandoned, thats for sure, but some do...so why not let them?
Turns out the Bahrain govt is REFUSING to allow an expat to adopt this baby boy....doesnt allow expats to adopt ANY babies here in the Kingdom....and why is that? Shouldnt we be happy to see a baby...an abandoned baby at that...go to a loving home where it will have parents and possibly siblings and a life of love and companionship? Shouldnt we be happy to know this baby wont grow up in an orphanage alone and forgotten...nobody to call Mom or Dad...nobody to call their own? Shouldnt we want a baby to be loved by something more than the nurses that will change it and feed it and the orphanage workers that will make sure it has what is required for growth etc...but do nothing to make him feel loved?
Its not explicitly stated as such but of course the reason babies are not allowed to be adopted by expats is simply because the Muslim govt of Bahrain fears that baby might NOT be raised Muslim! Oh horrors!!! Better a baby is raised by employees in an orphanage then loving parents who might be, argh Christians...or even worse....ATHEISTS!!! *sigh*
As Muslims dont we believe that God leads people to Islam...how many converts are out there in the Islamic world today...whose parents WERE NOT Muslims...whose parents might very well have been completely against the idea of Islam and their child converting to Muslim...but that child still did...why? because its all in Gods hands...not ours.
For the govt of Bahrain to abandon this baby once again and force it to lead an unloved life in an orphanage simply to ensure it grows up Muslim is such a barbaric act against this baby....and not very Muslim like behavior at all.
It means they do not trust the Will of God...trust that if God has determined this baby should be Muslim...then it will be so...despite in which household it grows up in. Whose to say just because it grows up in a Muslim orphanage that it will turn out to be Muslim..if I grew up in such a situation and came to learn that people wanted to adopt me as a baby...wanted to love me and call me their child...but the govt of my country refused me a family...abandoned me to a life of loneliness and pain....and told me it was because MY (their) religion told them to do so...wouldnt I be somewhat antagonized by that fact...wouldnt I be somewhat rebellious towards that religion that required I grow up alone and without parents simply because Muslims themselves DO NOT adopt babies...because thats against Islam too...ironic isnt it?
The govt wont allow expats to adopt this little baby for fears it wont grow up Muslim....but Muslims wont adopt it because Muslims arent allowed to according to hadith etc...Muslims will view this innocent little baby as a bastard all his life....and will call him a bastard in general conversation as if its a title he acquired through a course of study at university...oh this is Bader...he works at Bapco...hes a bastard....believe me...Ive heard similar.
So a potential family would raise this baby to be a son...much loved and cared for...giving him their family name and all that that name entitles him too. Bahraini Muslims will call him bastard and refuse to allow their daughters to marry him because he has no standing, no family name...no lineage....but thats better for him then being raised something other than Muslim?
Now I realize that we should never encourage wanton sex, sex just for the sake of sex and all that...but we have to be grownups about this and understand that sometimes sex happens. With or without the consent of the female involved...it happens...and once sex happens there are numerous consequences that can occur..one of them being a pregnancy. Babies do not ask to be created...do not come into this world worrying about if their parents (and yes there are always 2 parents despite what many Muslims prefer to believe) were legally married and if their conception was wanted and anticipated...but here they are none the less and we should welcome them with open arms once they are here. A baby is NOT to be blamed for its existence and punished by calling it bastard and throwing it into an orphanage and enforced to lead a lonely life simply because that would be easier for US.
I dont get it...and apparently the Muslims Im surrounded by dont either...for the most part...again...*sigh*.
Shame on us...and may God forgive us our barbarity.
*I dont wish to make any assumptions as to why a woman would abandon her baby as Ive never been in that position to even consider it...but knowing this culture and what can happen to her...I can at least say I understand why she would be moved to make such a drastic choice. It cant be easy for her (ok for some women it might be easy...who knows) ...at any rate it was NOT the focus of my post.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Some Stickers Just Say It All!!
I was stuck in traffic yesterday and found myself behind this car for quite some time. As we didnt actually move AT ALL for maybe 15 min I didnt take much notice of the driver himself/herself...until we did actually start to move...then I was like...IS there a driver in that car?!!
I mean seriously...can you SEE anyone sitting there?
I told my friend to check it out and she was craning her neck trying to get a look see but we were hard pressed to see any movement or indication that someone was driving that car.
Did they get fed up in traffic and just abandon it? I know thats something Ive felt like doing more than once.
Now the truly funny thing about this whole matter was the sticker on the back window. I think you can just see it there...click on it for a closer view. I felt it caught the whole experience down to a tee.
Unfortunately I was unable to take a pic of the driver...and yes there was one...a very old very tiny man who was literally stretched out...or rather up...in order to see out the window while he was driving. Apparently while we werent moving he just relaxed and sat back...and disappeared from view. There was also a young child in the passenger seat...no seat belts...sigh.
Now I will never tell someone they are not fit to drive etc...obviously the traffic department figured he was good to go (assuming his license hadnt expired) but I figure if your having such a hard time seeing out the front window, a very necessary requirement far as Im concerned...especially if I happen to be anywhere near you...then the very least you could do is put a pillow or something under your bum and lift you up to a proper height so you can see unencumbered...yes?
Just one more reason driving in Bahrain should come with hazard pay and plenty of pain killers.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thought I'd give this whole questions thing a shot....how hard can it be?
Ok...so....cruising around the blogs there are many different sort of meme's going on asking questions about you and your life and what your wearing and whether or not you party on New Years or call it a night a 9 pm.....soooo I figured all of that sort of info just made most people (raises hand) look like a complete boring ninny....figured I would come up with some questions we REALLY want to know about people. Answer at your own risk...uhm I mean discretion.
I will make this easy and give you multiple choice answers.
You are pulling out of a parking lot and you accidentally scrape the car next to you...do you....
1. Immediately jump out, assess the damage and look around for an owner.
2. Duck down in your seat and hit the accelerator, peeling out of the parking lot.
3. Pretend you didnt hear that squeal and sedately drive away. (helps to play the radio very loud when leaving parking lots)
You get home from shopping and discover an item has not been charged to you on your receipt...do you...
1. Immediately call the shop and rectify the mistake.
2. Get on Twitter and crow about your "freebie".
3. Feel so guilty that you never use that item and re-gift it at some point. (works better if its re-gifted to someone you wont see ever again)
Your spouse/lover hurts you in the most heinous fashion...do you...
1. Swallow it down and keep all the hurt pent up until you have a mental meltdown.
2. Sob on friends shoulders and plot imaginary revenge to feel better.
3. Plot REAL revenge and feel better. (just remember to destroy all evidence after the fact)
You are waiting at a stop sign and a little old lady starts across the street making you wait....do you...
1. Fiddle with the gadgets in the car while waiting patiently.
2. Curse old people and give her a few words of "encouragement" out the window.
3. Honk your horn just to see her jump...then Twitter about it. (just make sure none of the little old ladies in your family read your twitter updates)
Your teenager comes home and goes directly to his/her room with the most guilty of expressions on their faces....do you...
1. Assume whatever it is will work itself out...or wait for them to come to you to "confess" some ordinary teen drama.
2. Stand outside their door with your ear pressed up against it trying to eavesdrop on his/her confession to best friend.
3. Blow the door open with the power of your wrath and pin them with your X-ray vision eyes, then hold them hostage from all sources of entertainment until a confession is had. (just remember, only they can show you how to download music and use Facebook apps like a pro...so go easy)
Your invited to a party at a friends house and realize they have prepared a feast...of all the foods you detest...do you...
1. Go on a spur of the moment diet.
2. Proclaim an upset stomach and stick to water.
3. Pretend to eat then sneak into the kitchen and eat all the Twinkies and Fritos you find in the cupboard. (if caught pretend you got lost on the way to the bathroom)
You are caught speeding and when the cop asks you...do you know why I pulled you over...do you...
1. Gulp guiltily and answer in the affirmative.
2. Put on your most innocent of expressions and play dumb.
3. Answer with the excuse that one of your children is having an appendix attack and your on the way to the hosp. (more believable if at least one child is actually with you at the time)
Your out and about and suddenly come across a celebrity (doesnt matter which one as we would be star struck by the most minor of celebrities Im sure)...do you...
1. Gush and stammer and search frantically for something to get his/her autograph on.
2. Act completely nonchalant while trying to make some serious eye contact...you have secret dreams of "being discovered".
3. Wait until they are not looking and take a seriously unflattering pic of them to post on your blog, twitter, facebook and myspace accounts. (we all like to have our moments in the sun and feel better than celebrities)
You see on the news that theres a political demonstration nearby and half the city is gathering...do you...
1. Grab your placard and pens and head out the door shouting Power to the People
2. Turn the channel and find some Desperate Housewives
3. Take the opportunity to run some errands considering the other half of the city will be empty most likely. (good chance to possibly get some first hand knowledge about "5 finger discounts" that always seem to happen the same time as city wide demonstrations)
By some miracle of the time space continuum you have the opportunity to meet the religious leader/founder/prophet etc of your chosen religion....do you...
1. Fall at their feet in absolute piety and have your faith reaffirmed through a confirmed sighting.
2. Have a serious heart to heart and come to the conclusion that history sucks and "facts" arent always what they appear to be but this religion is still pretty good compared to others.
3. Discover your religion was founded merely on one mans quest for immortality then change religions or become an atheist.
So there you have it folks. My 10 multiple choice questions. Have fun...and it was done in fun so if anyone gets their knickers in a twist over any of my questions or answers...feel free to sulk or unbunch said knickers with a rant of some kind.
p.s. the rules say I do not have to answer my own questions (dont ask me I dont make the rules)
I will make this easy and give you multiple choice answers.
You are pulling out of a parking lot and you accidentally scrape the car next to you...do you....
1. Immediately jump out, assess the damage and look around for an owner.
2. Duck down in your seat and hit the accelerator, peeling out of the parking lot.
3. Pretend you didnt hear that squeal and sedately drive away. (helps to play the radio very loud when leaving parking lots)
You get home from shopping and discover an item has not been charged to you on your receipt...do you...
1. Immediately call the shop and rectify the mistake.
2. Get on Twitter and crow about your "freebie".
3. Feel so guilty that you never use that item and re-gift it at some point. (works better if its re-gifted to someone you wont see ever again)
Your spouse/lover hurts you in the most heinous fashion...do you...
1. Swallow it down and keep all the hurt pent up until you have a mental meltdown.
2. Sob on friends shoulders and plot imaginary revenge to feel better.
3. Plot REAL revenge and feel better. (just remember to destroy all evidence after the fact)
You are waiting at a stop sign and a little old lady starts across the street making you wait....do you...
1. Fiddle with the gadgets in the car while waiting patiently.
2. Curse old people and give her a few words of "encouragement" out the window.
3. Honk your horn just to see her jump...then Twitter about it. (just make sure none of the little old ladies in your family read your twitter updates)
Your teenager comes home and goes directly to his/her room with the most guilty of expressions on their faces....do you...
1. Assume whatever it is will work itself out...or wait for them to come to you to "confess" some ordinary teen drama.
2. Stand outside their door with your ear pressed up against it trying to eavesdrop on his/her confession to best friend.
3. Blow the door open with the power of your wrath and pin them with your X-ray vision eyes, then hold them hostage from all sources of entertainment until a confession is had. (just remember, only they can show you how to download music and use Facebook apps like a pro...so go easy)
Your invited to a party at a friends house and realize they have prepared a feast...of all the foods you detest...do you...
1. Go on a spur of the moment diet.
2. Proclaim an upset stomach and stick to water.
3. Pretend to eat then sneak into the kitchen and eat all the Twinkies and Fritos you find in the cupboard. (if caught pretend you got lost on the way to the bathroom)
You are caught speeding and when the cop asks you...do you know why I pulled you over...do you...
1. Gulp guiltily and answer in the affirmative.
2. Put on your most innocent of expressions and play dumb.
3. Answer with the excuse that one of your children is having an appendix attack and your on the way to the hosp. (more believable if at least one child is actually with you at the time)
Your out and about and suddenly come across a celebrity (doesnt matter which one as we would be star struck by the most minor of celebrities Im sure)...do you...
1. Gush and stammer and search frantically for something to get his/her autograph on.
2. Act completely nonchalant while trying to make some serious eye contact...you have secret dreams of "being discovered".
3. Wait until they are not looking and take a seriously unflattering pic of them to post on your blog, twitter, facebook and myspace accounts. (we all like to have our moments in the sun and feel better than celebrities)
You see on the news that theres a political demonstration nearby and half the city is gathering...do you...
1. Grab your placard and pens and head out the door shouting Power to the People
2. Turn the channel and find some Desperate Housewives
3. Take the opportunity to run some errands considering the other half of the city will be empty most likely. (good chance to possibly get some first hand knowledge about "5 finger discounts" that always seem to happen the same time as city wide demonstrations)
By some miracle of the time space continuum you have the opportunity to meet the religious leader/founder/prophet etc of your chosen religion....do you...
1. Fall at their feet in absolute piety and have your faith reaffirmed through a confirmed sighting.
2. Have a serious heart to heart and come to the conclusion that history sucks and "facts" arent always what they appear to be but this religion is still pretty good compared to others.
3. Discover your religion was founded merely on one mans quest for immortality then change religions or become an atheist.
So there you have it folks. My 10 multiple choice questions. Have fun...and it was done in fun so if anyone gets their knickers in a twist over any of my questions or answers...feel free to sulk or unbunch said knickers with a rant of some kind.
p.s. the rules say I do not have to answer my own questions (dont ask me I dont make the rules)
Thursday, July 30, 2009
I Know Your All Just Dying to Know This Shit About Me!!
So theres a "47 things about me" thingy going round the blogs like an unvaccinated virus...so of course I have to give it a go. Why 47 and not 50 or 40...? Who knows...but you will all feel so much better and definitely get a much deserved night of blissful sleep once you have learned these 47 things about me.
I promise to be honest...ish!!!
1. Do you like blue cheese? I prefer my cheese orange...or maybe white...blue? not so much.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Only thing I have ever smoked were my tires on some very hot tarmac.
3. Do you own a gun? No...and theres a certain person who is, no doubt, very thankful about that.
4. What flavour do you add to your drink at Sonic? No Sonic here in Bahrain but when in Texas I get ice tea...so I add ice tea flavour.
5. Do you get nervous before doctors visits? Nervous along with manic will writing...can never be too careful in Bahrain with doctors.
6. What do you think of hotdogs? I think you should open a window and let them get some air...oh you mean the kind you eat...well then...has there ever been a more unhealthily evil food on the planet that tasted so good?
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Old Yeller? damn! thats not a Christmas movie. How about Parent Trap? Crap! thats not even close...its been years since I seen Christmas movies...I dont even know what constitutes one anymore...but I did like Gettin Jiggy With It...oh hell thats a Will Smith song...sigh.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Diet pepsi on ice...dont ask.
9. Can you do pushups? A what?
10. Whats your favorite piece of jewellery? Pearl necklace given to me by bestest best friend.
11. Favorite hobby? Reading...writing...sometimes at the same time. Im flexible like that.
12. Whats one trait you hate about yourself? I dont have enough faith in my capabilities.
13. Middle name? yup...I got one
14. Name 3 thoughts at this moment. I'm starting to get a headache. My nose hurts and I wonder what I will watch at the cinema tonight.
15. Name 3 things you bought yesterday? Credit for my phone, gas, and more time on my life by going to the gym (heres hoping anyhow)
16. Name 4 drinks you regularly drink? 4? damn! diet pepsi, water, milk, and diet pepsi...oh said that already...uhm...sometimes ice tea.
17. Current worry? Getting my 11 year old back home to me. Need money for airplane ticket. I seriously miss that boy.
18. Do you have A.D.D.? Im the wrong person to ask that I guess...but Im thinking no.
19. Current hate right now? Cant find a job and take care of my kids properly.
20. Favorite place to be? Any place Im having a good time...but I love the mountains and nature. Ironic that I ended up in Bahrain...sheesh!!
21. How did you bring in the New Year? same as every year...asleep...Im boring like that...sigh!
22. Where would you like to go? Home...after that...Ireland and Scotland. New Zealand..and Japan.
23. Name two people who will complete this? If I could know such things I would be playing the lottery.
24. Do you own slippers? yes...do I wear them?...I generally forget I have them so thanks for reminding me.
25. What shirt are you wearing? An over sized white t shirt for men...for sleeping in. (man with shirt was optional I guess)
26. Do you like sleeping in satin sheets? never have so have no clue
27. Can you whistle? why yes
28. Favorite color? red
29. Would you be a pirate? not my thing
30. What songs do you sing in the shower? dont think I sing in the shower...concentrating too hard on not dropping the soap (small shower)
31. Favorite girls name? uhm...why?
32. Favorite boys name? same as above
33. Whats in your pocket right now? In my jammies so no pockets.
34. Last thing that made you laugh? the poodles
35. Best bed sheets as a child? definitely the flannel sheets...spent some quality time making lightning under the covers...good times
36. Worst injury you ever had? mental meltdown...havent recovered fully yet. Physically I broke my entire toenail off once...the big toe...it hurt...I required a band aid.....and several kisses from my mother.
37. Do you love where you live? not even close
38. How many tv's do you have in your house? one but its not on very often
39. Whose your loudest friend? bestest best friend Maryam (dont get mad girl...you know its true)
40. How many dogs do you have? 2 poodles Jack and Candy
41. Does someone have a crush on you? If you do...dont be shy...come on and tell me. ...uh...probably not.
42. What are your favorite books? That is just too hard to answer. Im eclectic and read everything. I did love the All Creatures Great and Small series as a child and Watership Down and Dantes Inferno are a few that come to mind.
43. What is your favorite candy? toss up between peanut M&M's and Reecee cups
44. Favorite sport team? I like watching sport in general but dont have a favorite.
45. What song do you want played at your funeral? are you saying Im going to die someday? why you have to be so mean...now I know why I have a headache....people like you are such downers...damn!!!
46. What were you doing at 12 am last night? Facebooking...told you I was boring.
47. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Wonder if the dogs made a mess...sigh.
So there you have it folks...47 amazing facts about me that gives you a more rounded picture of yours truly. Your heartfelt sighs of content can be heard through the computer...your welcome.
I promise to be honest...ish!!!
1. Do you like blue cheese? I prefer my cheese orange...or maybe white...blue? not so much.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Only thing I have ever smoked were my tires on some very hot tarmac.
3. Do you own a gun? No...and theres a certain person who is, no doubt, very thankful about that.
4. What flavour do you add to your drink at Sonic? No Sonic here in Bahrain but when in Texas I get ice tea...so I add ice tea flavour.
5. Do you get nervous before doctors visits? Nervous along with manic will writing...can never be too careful in Bahrain with doctors.
6. What do you think of hotdogs? I think you should open a window and let them get some air...oh you mean the kind you eat...well then...has there ever been a more unhealthily evil food on the planet that tasted so good?
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Old Yeller? damn! thats not a Christmas movie. How about Parent Trap? Crap! thats not even close...its been years since I seen Christmas movies...I dont even know what constitutes one anymore...but I did like Gettin Jiggy With It...oh hell thats a Will Smith song...sigh.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Diet pepsi on ice...dont ask.
9. Can you do pushups? A what?
10. Whats your favorite piece of jewellery? Pearl necklace given to me by bestest best friend.
11. Favorite hobby? Reading...writing...sometimes at the same time. Im flexible like that.
12. Whats one trait you hate about yourself? I dont have enough faith in my capabilities.
13. Middle name? yup...I got one
14. Name 3 thoughts at this moment. I'm starting to get a headache. My nose hurts and I wonder what I will watch at the cinema tonight.
15. Name 3 things you bought yesterday? Credit for my phone, gas, and more time on my life by going to the gym (heres hoping anyhow)
16. Name 4 drinks you regularly drink? 4? damn! diet pepsi, water, milk, and diet pepsi...oh said that already...uhm...sometimes ice tea.
17. Current worry? Getting my 11 year old back home to me. Need money for airplane ticket. I seriously miss that boy.
18. Do you have A.D.D.? Im the wrong person to ask that I guess...but Im thinking no.
19. Current hate right now? Cant find a job and take care of my kids properly.
20. Favorite place to be? Any place Im having a good time...but I love the mountains and nature. Ironic that I ended up in Bahrain...sheesh!!
21. How did you bring in the New Year? same as every year...asleep...Im boring like that...sigh!
22. Where would you like to go? Home...after that...Ireland and Scotland. New Zealand..and Japan.
23. Name two people who will complete this? If I could know such things I would be playing the lottery.
24. Do you own slippers? yes...do I wear them?...I generally forget I have them so thanks for reminding me.
25. What shirt are you wearing? An over sized white t shirt for men...for sleeping in. (man with shirt was optional I guess)
26. Do you like sleeping in satin sheets? never have so have no clue
27. Can you whistle? why yes
28. Favorite color? red
29. Would you be a pirate? not my thing
30. What songs do you sing in the shower? dont think I sing in the shower...concentrating too hard on not dropping the soap (small shower)
31. Favorite girls name? uhm...why?
32. Favorite boys name? same as above
33. Whats in your pocket right now? In my jammies so no pockets.
34. Last thing that made you laugh? the poodles
35. Best bed sheets as a child? definitely the flannel sheets...spent some quality time making lightning under the covers...good times
36. Worst injury you ever had? mental meltdown...havent recovered fully yet. Physically I broke my entire toenail off once...the big toe...it hurt...I required a band aid.....and several kisses from my mother.
37. Do you love where you live? not even close
38. How many tv's do you have in your house? one but its not on very often
39. Whose your loudest friend? bestest best friend Maryam (dont get mad girl...you know its true)
40. How many dogs do you have? 2 poodles Jack and Candy
41. Does someone have a crush on you? If you do...dont be shy...come on and tell me. ...uh...probably not.
42. What are your favorite books? That is just too hard to answer. Im eclectic and read everything. I did love the All Creatures Great and Small series as a child and Watership Down and Dantes Inferno are a few that come to mind.
43. What is your favorite candy? toss up between peanut M&M's and Reecee cups
44. Favorite sport team? I like watching sport in general but dont have a favorite.
45. What song do you want played at your funeral? are you saying Im going to die someday? why you have to be so mean...now I know why I have a headache....people like you are such downers...damn!!!
46. What were you doing at 12 am last night? Facebooking...told you I was boring.
47. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Wonder if the dogs made a mess...sigh.
So there you have it folks...47 amazing facts about me that gives you a more rounded picture of yours truly. Your heartfelt sighs of content can be heard through the computer...your welcome.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Lets Talk About S*E*X!!!..and why some of us just cant say NO!!!
In an ideal world everyone would wait until they are married to have s.e.x. All s.e.x would be govt approved and God sanctified and everyone who wasnt married wouldnt even think about s.e.x...much less engage in it.
Yeah....right...this isnt an ideal world by far.
When it comes to unmarried s.e.x Im torn between not wanting my kids to engage in it of course...but knowing full well that they are human, after all, and no ones's perfect. The most I can do is advise them of all the pitfalls and potential for harm...and watch them walk out the door hoping some of what I said sunk in.
I have to admit though that when it comes to s.e.x in and of itself Im not one to judge a person who has led a sexual life before marriage as ruined or promiscuous etc...s.e.x is one of our basic needs along with food and water and to deny it to ourselves when the urge hits is quite difficult as anyone who has possibly been "caught up in the moment" can attest to. Of course it would be better for us not to even approach a situation in which s/e/x could possibly happen...but thats not always something we leave the house thinking about but possibly find ourselves facing before the day is over....for whatever reason. Ive done many things in my life Im not proud of and wish I hadnt done...so Im in no position to point a finger at someone else and call them immoral...weak...whatever.
Some people do find ways to get past the moment without "failing morally" while others dont even try....and some just arent capable of making that choice...the choice to say NO!!! because of how they were raised or the things they have suffered in their lives. Victims are routinely silenced and held accountable for what happens to them...consequently if the situation arises again in which they are about to be made a victim...quite often they can no more open their mouths and say NO this time when they DO have a choice...then when they didnt...understand?
I will give you a "for instance" just so you get where Im coming from.
I was raised by my father to never question his authority. Besides the abuse he rained down on my head on a daily basis...he also had me do some very dangerous things (another post Im sure)...things no young girl (or I dare say young boy) would ever engage in on her own free will...but of which I did without questioning my own safety...merely because my father left me no choice. I literally did NOT have a choice as to whether I would do it or not....as in...
My whole family went camping one summer in the Rocky Mountains. I was about 11 at the time. My father was fishing in a fast moving river and his line got stuck. He was in the habit of using very expensive lures etc in hopes of catching a fish (he was a very bad fisherman) and when his line got stuck he was thoroughly pissed off at the thought of losing it...so he did what any father would do...ordered his 11 year old daughter into the fast moving river to retrieve his line. Not only was the water extremely cold (Summer had just started) but the rocks were slimy and slippery and the water was chest high...but I didnt even hesitate and in I plunged. To NOT go into the water never even crossed my mind because to refuse would have just resulted in father hitting me to some degree...then picking me up and throwing me in the water anyways...so where was my choice? I had none...in I went. Needless to say I was nearly swept away in the fast moving water time and again...and yet my fathers only concern was that I had "better not drop the lure" or dont even think about coming out of the water...sigh!
This is only one of many many incidents in which he endangered my life and in which I had no say whatsoever in my own safety....in fact, the ability to say NO never even occurred to me...not even in my head. I was trained from an early age to just DO...and dont think or hesitate. That "dont question authority" is pretty much how I ended up married to the abusive man I did...simply because I felt I had no ability...no awareness of my own right to say ...NO!...I dont want to marry you. A man was telling me "lets get married"...so get married we did...the end.
So I have complete sympathy for people who say "I couldnt say NO" cause Ive been there...I understand. Sometimes we can sit back and say we would have done it differently...we would have said this or acted like that or whatever...but unless you have been a victim...unless you can stand in his or her shoes and say "I know what you mean...I understand how you feel"...then you cant stand there and point a finger at him or her and say "how could you do that...why didnt you just say NO?".
Some of us just cant say NO...instinctively we KNOW its wrong..or that we can be hurt...or that others will make us feel ashamed...or nobody will ever understand or care or listen or sympathize or forgive us....we know all that...and yet we still cannot say NO...
It takes a very strong person to overcome childhood conditioning...believe me I have walked that path myself. Much of the troubles I have had in my life I have brought upon myself simply because I could not say NO...and people took advantage of that fact...and I let them. It took me 40 years to reach this point where I do have the ability to refuse...to reject...to look someone in the eye and say NO...I wont do that...and its my right to refuse to...and then walk away. Ofcourse this doesnt just pertain to s.e.x...the inability to say NO refers to anything that you dont really want to do but feel you have no choice in...even if it means a co-worker asking you to do a job thats not yours...or a neighbor asking you to watch her pet while she's gone and you feel you cant say no...or your spouse telling you to do something you dont feel comfortable doing but dont believe you can refuse. We all have the right to refuse...to decline...to shake our head in the negative...to say firmly and loudly...NO!!! but not all of us are capable of doing it for various reasons.
For those that havent yet found their voice...their strength...their right to autonomy...my sympathies are with you...and I will support you...and will never judge you or turn my back on you. People have used and abused each other since the dawn of man and we suffer physically, mentally and spiritually because of it...because of that abuse...so why do we compound that misery and suffering by throwing recriminations, accusations and judgment into the face of those that have suffered from abuse?
Why do we finger point and name call when it could very well be one of us some day...forced to be a victim in some way...having that complete and utter feeling of helplessness and complete loss of control wash over us as someone else takes our self respect and self esteem and tramples it in the dust...without so much as an apology or a look back in regret?
As a former victim....Ive been there...I understand. I sympathize and support you...just give me a chance to prove it.
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