Some Stickers Just Say It All!!

I was stuck in traffic yesterday and found myself behind this car for quite some time. As we didnt actually move AT ALL for maybe 15 min I didnt take much notice of the driver himself/herself...until we did actually start to move...then I was like...IS there a driver in that car?!!



I mean seriously...can you SEE anyone sitting there?



I told my friend to check it out and she was craning her neck trying to get a look see but we were hard pressed to see any movement or indication that someone was driving that car.



Did they get fed up in traffic and just abandon it? I know thats something Ive felt like doing more than once.

Now the truly funny thing about this whole matter was the sticker on the back window. I think you can just see it there...click on it for a closer view. I felt it caught the whole experience down to a tee.

Unfortunately I was unable to take a pic of the driver...and yes there was one...a very old very tiny man who was literally stretched out...or rather up...in order to see out the window while he was driving. Apparently while we werent moving he just relaxed and sat back...and disappeared from view. There was also a young child in the passenger seat...no seat belts...sigh.



Now I will never tell someone they are not fit to drive etc...obviously the traffic department figured he was good to go (assuming his license hadnt expired) but I figure if your having such a hard time seeing out the front window, a very necessary requirement far as Im concerned...especially if I happen to be anywhere near you...then the very least you could do is put a pillow or something under your bum and lift you up to a proper height so you can see unencumbered...yes?



Just one more reason driving in Bahrain should come with hazard pay and plenty of pain killers.

Dont Look Down When the Sun Comes Up

My youngest daughter and middle son just celebrated bdays. Her 15th and his 17th. I was just sitting here wondering how it came to be that they are that old? Wasnt it just yesterday they were running through the house half naked with coloring markers all over themselves and nice artwork left on the walls for Mommy to admire...and clean off? God how I miss their childhoods.

Anyhow, it got me to thinking about the past and suddenly a memory came up that I hadnt thought of in quite awhile. I realize looking back that its rather a miracle that the 3 of us are here.

See, one night, around 13 years ago, with a full bright moon and crispy snow on the ground...we nearly went into the black. Picture this...

Has anyone driven through Wyoming up into Montana during the winter? Its got to be some of the more treacherous driving there is...especially considering Montana doesnt have a speed limit on the open highways(at least they didnt 13 years ago...not sure about now). Put the lead down to your hearts content...just remember once your into Wyoming...better slow down. The highway patrol in the big square state dont take kindly to scraping speeders off the highway just over the border from Montana....anyhow....

I had been staying with my older sister for a few weeks down in Wyo (grew up there you know) and had to return to Montana on the spur of the moment (was living there at the time). I didnt really have time to prepare for the trip adequately being in a hurry (thats another story...the reason for the haste) and couldnt make arrangements for the two younger ones to be looked after so was forced to take them with me. I threw two laundry baskets of clean clothes in the car...some snacks and necessities for the kids and off I went. It was to be one of the most heart stopping nights of my life...no lie.

I can no longer remember the highway numbers and road names etc (40 year old brain full of sand) so dont ask me exactly where I was when I took the wrong turn. Considering I had driven that route before a few times Im not even sure how I managed to make the wrong turn...but there it is...fate, destiny, the Hand of God...or maybe just two noisy kids in the back seat distracting me....whatever.

By this time it was around 11 pm and the night was cold and crispy with a beautiful full moon lighting up the road...which was becoming increasingly more narrow and headed upwards. It was about here that I realized things didnt look right so suspected I needed to turn around and retrace my steps...see where things went wrong. Well things were about to get much worse.

Im well aware that driving on snow is a dangerous activity at the best of times...but throw in unfamiliar territory, shaken nerves (reason for the trip), and the late hour...and its all you need to make a mistake. My mistake was to hit the brakes just a little too hard in order to slow down and turn around....I immediately went into a slide. I actually wasnt going that fast to begin with because I knew I was headed the wrong way so probably wasnt doing more then 30 at the time...but it was fast enough to put the car into a slide...and we were headed straight for the side of the road....that was pitch black.

The car did a complete turn and I had just enough time to think, Oh God!!! before slamming up against a snowbank...and came to a stop with the car tilted just awkwardly downward...with snow piled up against my drivers door. I nearly screamed at the prospect of the snow giving way and the car continuing its slide over the side...which, as I mentioned was pitch black. I couldnt see anything out my window except blackness. I couldnt see where the snow bank ended...if there were trees...if there was a ditch running along the road...nothing. The not knowing what was out there is a terrifying feeling ...believe me. Imagination going full throttle and all.

My heart was literally pounding out of my chest...I didnt dare to breath believing any sort of movement would start the car sliding again. I actually held my breath (without realizing it of course) until I nearly passed out...and had to let it go in an explosive release...which literally scared the shit out of me (dont believe me...just wait)...and I waited with breath held again to see if the car would stay put or not.

I dont really know how long I sat there without moving a single muscle...I was breathing in shallow breaths...trying not to even let my diaphragm be the deciding factor that tipped the scales in favour of gravity. I couldnt even reach out to put the car in park...the fact that it was still in drive terrified me and I slowly....ever so slowly, slid my foot away from the pedal believing I would accidentally hit the accelerator and that would be that. And I just sat there...my mind utterly blank as to what to do...how to save myself and my two small children...who were incidentally asleep in the back seat. To say that I was thankful for that small miracle is no lie...can you imagine if those two toddlers had been awake...there is no way I could have kept them from bouncing around in the car...the result of that too horrifying to contemplate....I prayed they would stay asleep...and for the ingenuity of Mcgyver to get us out of this danger. I was blank...and on the verge of a mental melt down.

Im thinking at least an hour passed before I got up the nerve to reach across and put the car in park. I did it so slowly...like a expert bomb diffuser...sweat dripping and breath shallow. For some reason I felt safer with the car in park...dont ask my why..probably just because I felt like I had DID something. Action is always better than inaction you know. So then I sat there for another hour or so (I think...who knows).

It was then I noticed the gas gauge was nearly on empty. My God if the gas ran out it was going to be horribly cold in the car in no time...and I hadnt brought blankets etc thinking I wouldnt need them. Now I vacillated between plunging to our deaths (depending on the incline) or freezing to death in the car and nobody finding us till Spring. I hadnt seen a single car come by up to this point obviously.

Now, this is the somewhat funny part (its been a riot so far right)....I had to go to the bathroom...seriously. Remember earlier when I said I got the shit scared out of me...that was no lie folks...I very nearly shit my pants when faced with the prospect of going over the side of the road into the black...up till then I had ignored the fact that I seriously needed to defecate if I didnt want to add one more misery to my night by shitting in my pants. I know it sounds crazy now...but hey...it was a crazy night.

So I sat there for another good half hour wondering if there was anyway I could maneuver myself out of the car in order to relieve myself...and of course that could entail risking moving the car enough to jostle it loose from the snow bank. Not to mention Im not the most athletic person in the world...so getting my ass across the seat to the passengers side and getting the door open seemed akin to climbing Mount Everest. Making that first move was torture...

Dont know how long it took me but I eventually got myself over there...with much pausing and holding of breath to see what the car was going to do about my recent clumsy move...it held. Once I got myself situated by the passenger door...I contemplated the act of opening it...and disturbing the balance of the car...and then thought about hefting myself out of the car...and disturbing the balance some more. I know this all sounds bizarre now...but I was burning up some braincells thinking about all the "what ifs" (theres that damn game again). Heres a truly strange thought....what the hell would I do even if the car started going over? Both the kids were in the back seat asleep...the sheer speed and dexterity I would need to throw myself out...open their door and drag them both out was something Im sure only Tom Cruise or Van Disel could manage with any hope of succeeding. In a bizarre way I felt as if I was protecting them by being in the car with them...but as soon as I got out of it they would be vulnerable to...it didnt bear thinking about....but I seriously needed to GO. I eased myself out....

The car stayed put....I stood there for a few moments looking at them sleeping in the back seat...seriously considering taking them out to remove them from the danger of going over with the car....but it was freezing outside. Already my teeth were chattering and the cold was seeping into my feet through my shoes. At least in the car they were warm...as long as the gas held out. I left them and went to the back of the car...to do my business and to try and determine just how deep in the shit we were...no pun intended. Pulling your pants down in the middle of the night on a moon shined snowy road thats so quiet all you hear is the crunch of your shoes in the snow is truly awesome...no lie. You still have the feeling someone is going to come along and catch you with your pants down...even though you feel like your completely alone in the world...and likely to stay that way. Eerily enough...I felt like hundreds of eyes were watching me...well it was the "wild" so who knows.

I checked the side of the car but it was completely black on that side...all I could see was the wonky angle of the car...and snow up to the door...nothing at all down the side of the road. I walked back to the passenger door and thought about getting back into a car that might likely plummet me to my death...but the fact that my two children were in there cast my hesitation away...I had no choice...it was too cold...and if they woke up I needed to keep them as still as possible. I eased back in...and sat there...for around 2 hours I believe...dont ask me what was going through my mind...I have no idea. Then the car turned off...the gas had run out.

In barely half an hour I was shaking with chattering teeth...shock no doubt contributing to my rapid decline...but amazingly the kids were still asleep and seemed to be warm enough...all cuddled up to each other.

I was seriously starting to wonder if anyone used this road other than ignorant white woman who headed out on the road with two toddlers without adequately preparing for the trip or paying attention to where she was going? By 6 am the sun was just starting to distinguish the day from the night. We had made it through the night...but how long until someone came down this road...and my God I was cold!!

It was about this time that I heard a truck coming and before long I could see its lights. We were saved!!! Yay us!!! Thank God. I carefully eased out of the car again and waited for my would be saviors to crest the hill...turns out that two early morning hunters had decided to take this road to a good hunting location...yes folks...somehow or another I had managed to get myself onto a little used hunting road...dont ask me how cause I dont know either. The men were peering at me out the window of their truck as if they had came across some new species of deer...I was momentarily warmed by the flush of embarrassment that shot through me....but was willing to look the fool just to get the children and myself the hell off that mountain. It was then the sun came up enough to get a good look at where we had spent the night...Turns out the snowbank was the only thing keeping my car from plunging off into a gorge that went straight down a good few hundred feet. Now I was really feeling warm...I guess thats what impending heart attacks do...warm ya up all nice and toasty...ya think?

I quickly got over my embarrassment and got the kids out with as much grace and composure as I could...they were just waking up...and were excited to find themselves in such a pretty place...and boy it was beautiful...any other day and I might actually enjoy taking in the view...not today!!!

The hunters actually asked very few questions all though Im sure they were a hell of a lot more curious then they let on...maybe they were use to finding lost mothers on the side of mountains precariously balanced over the edges of cliffs...I dont know...sounds like a regular hunting trip to me. They bundled us up in the truck...took us back down the mountain (yes I had manged to drive up a mountain...still...dont ask me how)...and located a tow truck to sort my car out.

So looking back...I realize what a lucky night that was...so many things could have gone wrong (other than the obvious of getting lost) but it worked out...Im thinking that if I had been aware of just what was waiting for us in that dark abyss...I might not have stayed in the car...I would have freaked out and dragged the kids out no doubt...and who knows what would have happened then....but the dark hid the danger....and I stayed put in the warmth of the car...and Im still here...and the kids are still here...they dont even remember it of course...they were too young...but I certainly do.

So happy bday (belatedly) my son...my daughter...Im so glad and thankful your both still here with me...and that Im still here for you. Love you.

Side note....thats one good reason to be happy there is no snow in Bahrain...could you imagine the driving here then?

In a heart beat....!....pt 2

Last night my very best friend was involved in a serious accident. Her car and Mr I Can Drive How I Want To's cars were destroyed. My heart stopped when I heard her shocked voice calling me and telling me to come RIGHT NOW!!! At least she was able to call me...I knew it wasnt as bad as my imaginative mind was trying to lead me to believe.

Imagine my shock when I arrived at the scene at the number of people who had risked life and limb it would seem, crossing the busy road etc just to get a good look see. What exactly were they there for? To offer aid, to give CPR if needed, to direct traffic to prevent further accidents...? No!! All these gawkers merely wanted was a little taste of blood...they wanted to see broken bones and broken lives strewn out across the tarmac. They wanted to see the aftermath of horrible and careless driving...but of course not learn anything from it..and go on to cause the same...or maybe worse.

The worst action of all is that the ambulance was actually stuck in traffic just down the road...it would seem not one car could bother itself enough to get out of the way and let the ambulance through. We could see it and hear it...but not receive help from it. So close and yet so far. Every car that passed by had to slow down so that all of the occupants could also get their taste of blood...before speeding off and forgetting the whole scene of carnage they had just witnessed. Nobody learns a thing here in Bahrain when it comes to driving with care. If broken bodies and broken cars doesnt wake you up...what will?

I have to give a special shout out to the Bahraini man that actually had the nerve to horn at the Firemen to get out of his way that were sweeping the street free of glass...he must have seriously felt put out that he had to wait all of 2 minutes in order for the road to be made safe for his passage.

The one thing I am very greatful for is that my friend, typical Bahraini that she is, generally does not wear her seatbelt, despite my many many lectures on its safety...for some reason last night she actually had it on...which no doubt saved her life considering the condition of her car. Thank God for small miracles. I hope she has learned the value of that seatbelt and no more lectures will be needed from me...on this subject anyhow.

Thank you to the traffic police, fire department, and the few people who stopped and gave genuine help where needed. For the rest of you gawkers and impatient drivers...I can only hope that one day you are not laying in the road needing the ambulance and inconsiderate people such as youself are not too selfish to move and let it pass...after all...its only a life needing aid...not something important like a meeting at the coffeeshop..a favorite tv show coming on...or just the desire to not be put out by other peoples misfortunes...sigh!!

Incident with a Porche and Pepsi

After 22 years living here in the Middle East...Ive sort of gotten use to the idea that everyone feels the road belongs to them. Crazy driving...parking...when it comes to cars...just make sure you buckle up. You never know whats waiting around the corner.

Well, yesterday waiting around the corner for me was a Porche conveniently parked right on the curve in the Diplomat area...Mr Porche was kind enough to put his hazard lights on...fat lot of good they did considering he was far enough around the bend to hide his little speedster right up until I was behind it. Too suddenly be faced with a ton or so of solid metal just when you least expect it...does not give your heart much time to catch up to the scene...I very nearly caused another accident while trying to avoid rear ending little Porche...can you blame me if my temper was stirred up ever so slightly?

I cant for the life of me understand this thinking that "I can damn well park my car anywhere and who cares if it causes problems for other people. My wants and needs are the important thing here." I have lost count of the number of times I have been blocked in by some driver who was too lazy to drive a little further and park properly...most of the time they dont even apologize when they come back and see your fuming face. Just a la de dah as they drive away...happy they accomplished their mission...no worries about me and mine...arggghhh!

Anyhow...my day wasnt going too well anyhow so Mr Porche was in the wrong place at the wrong time...so to speak. I showed Mr Porche my ire by having my son roll down the window and pour my newly opened bottle of Pepsi on his lovely little machine. If it would have been easier I might of had him piss on it...thats how angry and fed up I was...anyhow...I squeezed by with much caution and sped off.

Not the end of the story...keep reading.

It seems Mr Porche was witness to our little Pepsi annointing and came speeding after us through traffic...he finally caught up to us (I wasnt even aware he was risking life and limb to do so..not concerned with such crazy driving unless its around me)...and preceded to try and drag my son from the car. Luckily I had the foresight to lock the doors before hand...intuitively knowing he would try something like that. He was shouting and going on...speaking broken english and throwing some colorful words in there just to spice it all up. He looked like Kojak...but without the lollipop. I chose to ignore Mr Porche...and wondered just how long the red light was going to keep us waiting... Mr Porche was doing his little dance in the middle of the 3 lane highway and seemed little concerned with his own personal safety...wheres the cops when you need one? Im wondering...if the doors hadnt been locked...would he actually have dragged my teenage son from the car and ...what?....beat him?...over some spilled Pepsi on his car that can easily be washed off? Would our blood have so easily have washed off the road if the worst would have happened? Was his little car with some Pepsi spilled on it more offensive then us nearly crashing into his illegally and dangerously parked Porche? Was he prepared to escalate the episode just for the sake of what exactly....his pride? Well I understand that men see their vehicle as an extention of themselves...so I assume Mr Porche felt as if he himself got the Pepsi in the face....so to speak....if only!!

Anyhow, he decided the best he could do is call someone...not sure who...could be those errant cops...or maybe just the wife to bitch and moan about "crazy American ladies"...hmmm? Light turned green so off I sped...he didnt follow...but a bit further down the road he gave us a little middle finger salute...whatever....Im over it.

Im totally pissed off about this though...ok ok Im sure some of you are out there saying..."you didnt have to pour Pepsi on his lovely Porche"...which indicates to me that you feel his right to park there supercedes my right to not die in a traffic accident because of his illegally and dangerously parked car...and further...I have no right to express my irritation at his audacity to believe he owns the road and can park anywhere he damn well pleases...and people can just wait and suffer until he finishes his business?...well all I can say to that is this...

park where you want...but next time it might not be Pepsi is all Im saying.

Right here and right now!!

Ive had a very stressful and hectic past few years...not many opportunities to claim that I was feeling "good"...feeling "right"...feeling "content and at peace" with myself and my life in general. Anyone that knows a little about my life from this blog will understand what Im talking about...but I dont want anyone to assume I havent had "some moments" too...some moments to just sit back and say "wow" or "cool"...or even "Im glad Im here... right here and right now"...doesnt happen often but it does happen...even to me...so heres my "right here and right now" story. (beware...I do not know how to get to the point without wandering far afield now and then...you've been warned)

Im going to write this in the present tense...all though it happened over two years ago...bear with me...Im like that.

Ive lived in Bahrain for 19 years now and Ive never been to Mecca...never been to Saudi for that matter. I have dreamed of going to Haj or Umrah for years but my husband has never even considered the possibility...there is always an excuse why we cant go. Its on my list of Things To Do...but also on my list of Things Im Not Likely To Ever Do As Long As Im Married To HIM!! That list is far longer than the first one...sigh!

My best friend came to me today and asked me something that I thought would never be spoken to me..."would you like to go to Umrah?" Excuse me...is that a trick question? She explained that her cousin was organizing a group to travel together...and she also knew another lady that was willing to pay all expenses for someone to perform Umrah that had never gone before and couldnt afford it. That lady wondered if my best friend knew anyone that "fit the bill"...that bill fits me so well...it was made for me!! She warned me though that nothing was for sure just yet...the bus was pretty full...they were not sure if there were two available seats left just then...my son having to travel with me for mahrem purposes (never even considered asking my husband...I knew he would refuse...and I didnt want him raining on my spiritual parade). So I have been waiting for two days...not really holding my breath...but feeling breathless all the same.

Both my best friend and her cousin came to see me today...with huge grins on their faces...it would seem that I am Umrah bound...Im left quite speechless...to be so close to something and not be able to actually see it or touch it...or experience, it is so much harder than to be on the other side of the world with an ocean or two between you...being close and yet so far...is so much harder. For several moments Im not able to say anything...but they understand completely and just quietly celebrate with me.

OMG! Now I have just 2 days to prepare myself for my Spiritual Journey of a Lifetime...how does one prepare for such a momentous moment? I have been dreaming about this every since I had reverted to a Muslim...but to be faced with the actuality of it was overwhelming...if you've ever felt like your floating...and about to throw up at the same time...its a little like that!

Well, Ive spent the last two days on a whirlwind of shopping for a suitcase, abaya and mentally preparing myself for what lays ahead....I keep thinking that Im in no way ready or even deserving to make such a trip...I mean really! is there like a Belief Meter or something at the border to indicate whether your actually spiritually deserving of entering Mecca? Im sure I would fail...positive...sigh! of course I have the sneaky feeling that there is some sort of divine intervention for such failings...like a bolt of lightening zapping me out of existence the moment I step foot on "hollowed" ground...(wondering what that feels like). Im definitely taking a chance here...my kids need a mother...but the risk is well worth it...no doubt.

It turns out that I am the only non-Bahraini travelling on this particular bus...and so apparently it would be easier for all concerned if I wasnt actually on the bus when it goes over the bridge and border...dont ask me why...Im just along for the ride. The plan is for my best friend and her husband to drive me and my son over the bridge...and then wait in the middle for the bus to come through. Everyone is thinking that the bus will be waiting for us...but it turns out that we will be waiting for the bus for nearly 3 hours (memo to bridge authority...there has got to be faster methods for getting people checked and through without waiting hours for the pleasure of entering or exiting Saudi...damn!).

I might mention that Im damn uncomfortable wearing this heavy abaya...I havent actually worn one in quite awhile...I usually wear long shirts etc...and this one is way too big for me...its dragging on the ground and falling over my shoulders even though its a snap on the shoulder type. Makes me want to pull some hair out the way I keep having to lift it up to keep from stepping on it...or pull it into place. Reminds me why I dont like wearing them in the first place....arrrgh! Oh how I wish an abaya wasnt a pre-requisite to entering Mecca...the things women have to wear to please men...uhm...I mean God.

Anyhow...while we are patiently waiting for the bus to get through...we decide to pass the time by eating a late lunch. We went to some place called Kudos, which Ive never been to before...and will likely never go to again. Bear with me...the next few paragraphs will not be pleasant for the faint of heart.

Half way through lunch I start feeling decidedly odd. Cant quite place it but I know something is "off" within me. At first I believed that my anemia was acting up and so my friends husband and my son raced on ahead to bring me back some folic acid. It generally perks me right up...if that was the problem...turns out it wasnt. My friend and I went to the nearby mosque and I laid down in the ladies section on the floor...with my head on her lap while she read Quran on me. My head was hurting and spinning...my insides were churning and cramping...and before long I would be fairly sure I seen Death waving cheerily from the window of the mosque...ugh!

It took husband and son quite along time to return and in the meantime I was busy alternating between sitting on the toilet bowl or facing it...depending on what needed exiting at that particular moment. I felt like death warmed over and was sure I was going to die in a dirty bathroom on the bridge to Saudi...and never even getting to see the Kabaa after all my suffering...poor me! In the meantime my friend was panicking believing pretty much the same things...and calling her husband to come back ASAP and running back and forth to help me and to see if the bus had come through yet. I forgot to mention that her cousin (brother to the cousin that arranged this trip for me) (also might mention he is the Muslim man I admired in a previous post about Sunni and Shias marrying and he behaving as a true Muslim throughout...sorry...still having problems with linking). She was wanting her cousin to go on without me...I was that bad...but when he and the bus eventually did show up...his words were this..."if she is going to die...what better place to do it in for a Muslim then in Mecca?" Cant fight that logic...all though she did...but eventually I was on the bus...husband and son came back finally and son got on with me...his concern for me was so apparent...but he was forced to sit in the front with the men while the ladies sat in the back...but I could see his anxious face searching for me every now and then...and each time we made a stop...he was right there ready to do anything for me...I love my son!

Now, for anyone that has ever had food poisoning (Im assuming that is what it is)...you will know exactly what I was going through...but what you dont know is that our original bus was supposed to have a bathroom on it...turns out that one broke down and the one we now had did not have a bathroom...I did not know that when I got on there and we set off...not sure if the cousin considered this when he hustled me up the stairs...I will give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he was unaware just how sick I was...and exactly what problem I had...but the next day and a half riding the bus all the way to Mecca was pure agony....and thats putting it lightly.

to be continued...

B12.......B.....12...next number called is B12!

I generally like spending time with my mom...shopping...sitting and talking...the occasional afternoon spent fishing...but the line must be drawn somewhere...sometimes, against our better judgement, we agree to accompany someone somewhere even though our "little voice" tells us...not such a good idea. I give you Saturday night at the bingo hall...

Mom has had to deal with a lot of emotional garbage lately as anyone reading my blog knows...so when she invited me to play bingo to "forget our troubles for awhile"...how could I refuse? I havent played bingo in years but if memory serves me correctly it basically boils down to putting little markers on your card of numbers...make a line or cover everything and you have a bingo...and get the ultimate pleasure of shouting out BINGO!! so that everyone else knows you got one too...sounds simple...and the best part...you can win money...Im there for you Mom!

Well, things didnt look too good right from the front door...the place was so full of smoke Im pretty sure I could have written my name in the air just by moving my arm in the appropriate directions...before the night was over Im fairly sure I inhaled a lifetimes worth of cigarette smoke and so cancer should be coming along nicely anytime soon...ugh! Ironically whenever anyone blew smoke in my direction...I replied by blowing it right back at them...and they had the nerve to look offended...WTF! (of course...being a child of my mother...I did not do this to my mom...she is my ride home after all..lol)

So basically to start the night out you must stand in a very long line in order to purchase your books. Each book consists of a set of sheets of paper...colored coded for easy reference...and I, being a newbie and all, settle for just one book...while others I noticed had several books...all laid out on the table in front of them. Some people were gluing their books together...for what I dont know...and still others were already making daub marks on sheets even though we hadnt even started yet (had we?). I realized then that ink filled blotters were all the rage now...no more little chips that were hard to pick up and even harder to keep on a card so that you kept forgetting which number it was meant to cover. Technology has even hit the bingo industry...cool!

As we headed for my moms "spot" we had to snake our way through tables and chairs that barely left room to change your mind...much less squeeze through. I noticed as I was busy squeezing that many people seemed to have a system...or maybe what might be called a ritual...in their spot. Some ladies had little animals or ornaments of sorts set up along the side...others had their little idols all around the perimeter...to keep the good luck mojo in...or the bad luck mojo out...not sure. I did find it somewhat amusing at the actual number of potential winners that seemed to believe their cards were winners all ready...and so kept a watchful eye against anyone that wanted to maybe sneak a peek. The easiest way to pick out these paranoids was to look pointedly at their cards for just a split second too long...and right away an arm came out to block your view...along with a look that surely had some black magic curse being whispered along with it. I decided the best option was to get to my seat without actually having eye contact with anyone along the way.... I do not need to add black magic curses to my dismal year now do I?

So, once your at your spot...apparently you set up shop by arranging your belongings...your good luck charms..your 10 different bottles of daubing ink...your 4 packs of cigs and overfilled ashtray...your dollars for future extra sheet buys along the way...and your paper bag that sits forlorn on the floor...ingesting all the broken dreams...I mean bingo game sheets that were losers. You also stake out exactly the same amount of space that everyone else has, roughly 2 square feet and God forbid if anyone should encroach your space with even a mere hint of an elbow. Im thinking there is great potential for violence...just going on the glares that are shot at anyone that passes the magic invisible boundary line.

There is a general air of fellowship right up until the moment the first ball is called for the first game...then all friendships are forgotten in the quest for the Big Payoff!!. Well, actually the first few games are regular bingos and so have small jackpots...but there are two blackouts which are the high jackpots...and thats what everyone comes for basically.

I dont know about you but when I was a kid a bingo consisted of 5 marked numbers in a line either up and down, across, or diagonal...one night of bingo and I can tell you its all a bit more complicated then that. There is actually a sheet given out that tells you what each color coded sheet represents and what type bingo you are required to get before shouting Bingo! So instead of straight forward bingo...there are triple reno's, which means you have to get three bingos on one sheet...and corners count....picture frame, 4 leaf clover...and so on...each sheet of squares of numbers requiring a different sort of bingo, so I, having one sheet of paper per bingo, had about 12 little individual squares of numbers that I had to quickly scan and mark and keep track of whether or not there were 3 bingos, one bingo...a picture frame...or whatever was required, on any given sheet. The Caller was way too fast in my opinion...and I was struggling to keep up...meanwhile women twice my age were daubing and gossiping and smoking without even pausing to catch their breath....and many of them had a table full of sheets...damn how did they do that? I would have been happy to have a side kick standing by to wipe my sweaty brow and give me a sip of water now and then...alas...I had to go it alone. Most of the time I had no freaking idea if I even came close to having one bingo much less 3 or whatever...my eyes were too busy trying to come uncrossed.

Anyhow, as the night wore on I did come close 3 times...on the blackouts which are fairly straight forward...cover everything to win...and needing just one number to enable me to shout out Bingo!...but always lost out to some "lousy no account that surely did not deserve it as much as I did"...or so I heard so many other women grumbling each time someone else called out Bingo!...that and a few more harsh words that I wont bother to reprint here...who knew the Bingo world was so cutthroat and that "grandmothers" knew such language?

Now heres the truly funny part about the whole night...as we played the last game...a blackout with a high pot...everyone started actually getting very ansy in their seats the closer we got to having a winner. I couldnt figure out exactly what the deal was...until my mother whispered to me..."be ready to go any minute now"...go where? What? I dont get it. Suddenly someone shouted BINGO! and before the actual bingo could be verified... hundreds of seats were being pushed back and about 5000 years worth of human life (did I mention at 40 I was among the youngest players there) were grabbing personal belongings...shrugging into jackets etc and headed for the carpark. I looked up just in time to see my recently smoking daubing mother on her way out the door with a shout over the shoulder to "hurry the hell up"...I hurried...what else could I do?

Out in the parking lot is was like a full blown police raid in progress with dozens of cars tearing out of the parking lot as if the Hounds of Hell were in hot pursuit...all that was missing were red flashing lights and someone shouting through a megaphone. Gone were the smiles and friendly chit chat from moments before...now it was apparently every man and woman for themselves. It would surprise you to know just how fast...uhm...older people...can move. After barely reaching the car in time to snatch the door open and jump inside before my mother squealed tires and made a dash for the exit...it all dramatically calmed down as soon as we hit the main road. What exactly the rush was to get out of the parking lot was I do not know...apparently neither does anyone else...its just a Bingo ritual along with all the others I guess...if you didnt win...dont stick around to watch the winner gloat?

Days later Im still coughing up second hand smoke and trying to get the red ink out of my fingernails...not to mention still seeing blurred numbers swimming in front of my eyes...and heres mom calling to ask me if I want to go on the weekend...uhm....let me think about it mom and I'll get back to you on that one.

Fly Like A Noodle...

For anyone that has ever flown international...they are fully aware of just how uncomfortable coach seating is for the weary traveller. Sitting in that cramped little space for 7, 9, or even 11 hours is just plain torture...no other word for it. A friend of mine has made the trip back and forth from the states numerous times this past 2 years and I have no idea how she can put herself through that ordeal time after time. The only part of the whole experience that makes it bearable is being able to watch that little tv screen that shows the little airplanes progress across the globe. First crossing the middle east over into Europe and then onto America...the heart just feels lighter and lighter the closer you get to the east coast...you feel positively bubbly when you reach official American airspace....nothing like coming home.

Anyhow...I was going to write about the trip over on this post but I will leave that for another time...I just have to make some comments about my first week home and the things Ive noticed that are so different now...and that are different from over there.

1. Driving hands down is a major difference here. I no longer feel like every person that is anywhere near me is a potential threat...they very well could be but I dont have that defensive feel that is part and parcel of driving in Bahrain.

2. There is so much green its like the world turned green...a nice change of pace from the sand color Ive been use to all these years. However...with green comes bugs and let me tell you...everything in Texas is bigger...including its bugs. Ive never seen such big spiders...bees...wasps...not to mention the sheer quantity of insects. Bugs are litterally falling out of trees and getting kicked up in the grass as you walk...I dont mind bugs themselves...but for someone thats allergic to some of them...its a little harrowing to be ducking and dodging the constant on slaught....eeek!

3. It cost and arm and a leg to eat at fast food here....on one hand thats a good thing as I now cant afford over here the junk food that is quite cheap over there and a terrible mainstay of our diet....but on the other...I want to have a go at all the foods I missed eventually...lol...gotta pace myself.

4. I love being able to walk down the street...just wandering along with no purpose in mind...with my head up...taking in the sights...not worrying about what Im wearing...whose watching and will be passing judgement on me walking for no apparent reason...or who I might be with etc....cant explain how much of a burden that has always been....and how much more enjoyable walks are when none of that matters.

5. A big change I notice from when I was in school is that the school are hyper alert about safety now. Could be due to the recent spate of shootings etc that are a constant reminder that bad things can happen anywhere...but going through the process of putting my son in school I got to see the day to day activities and everything is geared for safety of the student...teachers...and visitors. Will definitely take some getting use to...alot of rules...but kids are adaptable so I dont expect too much trouble for mine.

6. Everything...anything...cost a lot. ugh!!!

Those are just a few observations Ive got so far. My internet connection really sucks so Im writing this with the net going off and on...so Im getting frustrated and not able to write really what I want to...Im ready to chuck the laptop actually. I hope that improves as keeping in touch with everyone and keeping up the blog etc are very important to me.

7. The internet cost alot too...damn!!!

Evil thoughts...we've all got them!

Sorry to any of my regular readers(all 4 of you) for not posting something sooner. Ive had a very hectic week getting ready for my annual holiday(yay me) and preparing for my sis to come visit for the first time in the 21 years Ive lived here(yay me again). This is going to just be a brief rundown of things that bugged me to no end recently that I felt merited a mention. Complaining about something doesnt really help the situation...but its better then going out and doing bodily damage to the offender...right?

Well lets see...where to start...well there are the ever constant smokers in Seef Mall who never fail in managing to stand right next to a prominently displayed No Smoking sign...while smoking. They have one of two facial expressions Ive noticed. If your a smoker in Seef Mall then this is you.

1. Im smoking...what you gonna do about it?

2. Im stupid...what you gonna do about it?

It would be nice if the security that pretend to work there would actually confront these law breakers and advise them to take it outside....wishful thinking I know. Im wondering if smokers would object to walking around with a bubble on their head...that way they can enjoy all the smoking they want...and I can enjoy not hating them.

I know that the standard of driving in Bahrain is an ongoing rant on this blog...but just when I think Ive seen it all...stupidity makes a new and impressive showing. In fear of always having a my jaw hanging open...Ive decided to wear an elastic band around my head to keep my mouth shut...helps keep the flies out....

I realize the running a red light cannot be helped sometimes...just when you get too close to slow down properly the light turns so you speed through to make it...ok ok you could slow down ahead of time but whose willing to do that...right Anyhow, the number of drivers making it seem like normal driving now to run a red light seems to be increasing by the minute...and these are people that had plenty of time to slow down...just chose not to. The constant squeal of brakes followed by a sigh of relief when everyone makes it through safely is wearing me out. I do not wish to be a witness to a horrific traffic accident...but I know its only a matter of time. Having said that...some people just seem to have a death wish...and wish to be generous and include others in it. Take the Idiot Shmuck from two nights ago....he was weaving in and out of traffic like he had a hot girl waiting at home for him...and then ended up third in line at the traffic light. What did Idiot Shmuck do....instead of waiting for the 2 or 3 minutes for the light to change...apparently mindful that hot girl might cool down if he delayed too long...he pulled out of the queue and roared across the intersection...to say my jaw was hanging open is and understatement...can people be that completely obnoxious and selfish to pull such a dangerous stunt just because their patience is measured in nanseconds? I swear that Im starting to think twice about even leaving my house these days for fear of crossing the path of some driver who in his haste to reach the coffeeshop to meet up with mates...forgot to include his brain among things to take with him.

I have to make a confession here friends...as human we cannot always control the thoughts that ping around in our brains...we can be quite evil at times and its pretty fair assessment to say that its a good thing that some of these thoughts remain just that...thoughts....for if the evil little whisper that sneaked through my mind the other night ever manifested itself solely because I thought it...I dare say there would be a fair number of Idiot Shmucks out there seriously in need of a clean pair of underwear. My thought went something like this...wouldnt it be nice(relatively speaking) if these brainless idiots experienced a close encounter...you know... to sort of enlighten them as to the dangerous life they are leading and taking others along with them? What I was thinking is that maybe a fender bender (preferrably with something stationary...not another car of course)or something equally fairly harmless was to happen....at least there is a chance it would scare them into slowing down and spending a few minutes deliberating over the rash manuever they are about to attempt....you think? Nah! me either. True stupidity never learns.

Ive been cruising around the blogosphere of late...keeping tabs on several Muslim sites I like. Generally speaking while there are some good ones out there...most of them seem content to focus on Muslim women and their place in Islam and society...which boils down to...assuming Muslim women have no place in society outside the home as they should focus primarily on submitting to God and their husband...not necessarily in that order. I also noticed that when any other Muslim contradicted that belief with wisdom from the Quran or other sources...one of two things happened. Either that person is verbally(is it verbal when its written...lol) harrassed and words such as kafir, murtad...and the always favorite....Western Influence...get slung around. Soon as all thats done...then that poster is usually blocked from further comment. I know this because Ive been blocked too many times to count. Havent yet figured out why so many Muslims cant stand an opinion contrary to their own...and seem unable to discuss anything without resorting to harrasment and then child like shunning....says quite a lot about the state of the Ummah today...either you believe just like us...or confess that your a Zionist spy trying to split the Caliphate right down the middle with your kafir talk and ideas...sheesh. Id laugh if it didnt hurt so much. I could go on as thats a book by itself...but if your a Muslim you know what Im talking about...nuff said. My evil thought regarding this is...wouldnt it be nice if the proverbial Hand of God came down from the clouds and flicked em upside the head...maybe that would get their attention...mind your Muslim manners and all....sigh!

My 4 regular readers can tell you that I have little love and even less patience for my fellow Hidd residents at the best of times...I liken this little blip on the map to a melting pot of hot heads, empty heads, and just plain pain in the asses. I find that this little town is full of Holier Than Thous that generally have nothing better to do then spy on their neighbors and critisize with every other word spoken. Its like a demented game of Neighborhood Watch for Extremists. I feel that the level of manure that gets spread around here can be rather life threatening at times...suffocation is a real danger...self preservation is a constant worry. So I found it rather justified and somewhat poetic the other day when upon returning to Hidd I was greeted with a foot of sewage water filling the streets. We are talking about the chunky sort of sewage water that makes you gag and wonder just what everyones been eating lately..yes...in other words disgusting and stomach churning. One of those evil little thoughts flitted through my mind again...hey I cant help it....my brain has a mind of its own...lol. Anyhow, heres the thought....Hidd is full of shit! Figuratively....and now literally. Pardon me while I chuckle over that one...sometimes evil thoughts are just too delicious to keep to yourself.

Spontaneous Survey of Mindless Idiots

Found myself sitting in the car waiting for my friend to finish her business and was casually watching cars going by...when I realized it was a golden opportunity to do a quick survey on the average driving activities of citizens of Hidd/Arad. I was parked in a prime location for it too...in a parking lot next to the road...so customers of Midway have to slow down to turn or wait for other motorists to get out of the way...so I could get a fairly good luck at the Occupational Hazards operating a vehicle without thought or reason...believe me...after you see some of these "statistics" you will agree with that statement.

Now this was all done without too much thought and preparation...so take it all with a grain of salt...and of course accuracy was not totally possible as a clear view was not always available and nationality is not always apparent just by looking at the face....but heres what I came away with.

I made a few quick columns...one for apparent nationality, seatbelt or not, talking on phone or not, child not in seatbelted etc, and one for general things like doing something else while driving.
I "surveyed" about 120 while I waited...this is what I got(remember accuracy isnt exact)

From 120 cars(there abouts)
1. At least 98 drivers would appear to be Bahraini...8 were asian...4 European(British?) 10 drivers unknown just by looking.
2. 114 drivers were not wearing seatbelts that I could determine. All 4 European were...2 of the Asian drivers were.
3. 32 people were talking on a mobile. All Bahrainis as far as I could determine.
4. 53 cars had children in them...all 53 cars had children either standing, jumping around, or sitting in either the front passengers lap or, in 3 occassions, in the drivers lap. One car had two children sitting in the windows of the car. One Bahraini father made all categories...believe this...he was not wearing a seatbelt...he was talking on the phone...and he had a child in his lap...not to mention two more jumping in the back seat. Once again, all these drivers were apparently Bahrainis.
5. In 74 cars I was able to observe the driver doing something that could possibly distract him or her from driving properly...such as reaching for something...looking in the visor mirror...turning the head and looking at persons in the back seat...eating and in two instances trying to read something. This does not include those on mobiles. 65 of these drivers were apparently Bahraini...the others were a mix of either the Asians or Unknowns.

This does not include the 4 near accidents that occurred for whatever reasons...I wasnt watching those drivers at that time so not sure what was going on. Not to mention the speed some of these drivers were going considering this was a a very congested area that needed caution and a soft touch on the accelerator.

Somebody else can do the math on these "statistics" but at a glance its obvious people are not to concerned with obeying traffic laws...the ones with apparently little concern for their children should be openly faced with this fact...the strange thing about all this was that there was a traffic cop right across the road writing up some report or another...not paying the least attention to the high number of traffic violations going on right under his nose. He didnt even stir at the heartbeat skipping squeal of brakes that accompanied the almost accidents. Hmmmm?

I was actually considering taking pics while I was sitting there...but I thought that might irk some people when they actually realized what I was doing...people are so touchy when you point out the Mindless Idiot living within them. I know what your thinking...Im not better than them...Ive got one in me too no doubt...Im fully aware of this fact...but I try not to let mine come out and play while Im driving...call me old fashion but I prefer to believe children learn from their parents...if I want my kids to be responsible drivers...Ive got to walk the walk...right?

Smile...your on Coolreds camera!

So I was out riding shot gun in my friends car last nite. We were going along minding our business when out of the blue...or should I say the right hand side of us...a mini cooper came blasting past and did, what I refer to as, Sewing Up Traffic....you know...that quick and reckless darting from lane to lane with little regard for fellow road users. The fact that he came from the right side took us by surprise...so he nearly clipped our front fender...but it didnt slow him down a bit....off he went...hopefully to hit a pot hole or something equally destructive to speeding mini coopers.

After getting our heartbeats back down to cruising levels...we were waiting at a traffic line with quite a long line behind us...we were first in line...until Ms. I Dont Have to Wait Like All You Ordinary Citizens came up smartly and parked herself right in front of us...then she had the nerve to back up so as not to get hit by traffic coming straight at her...and tooted at us to make room. My friend and I each helped the other put our lower jaws back in place...the Nerve!

Oh...lets not forget the sly dog that just lept out into traffic on the roundabout nearly sending us into the lorry on our other side...did he even notice the several sets of eyes popping in his rearview mirror as he sped blithely away? I think not.

So all in all...our short ride was frought with peril and near death at every turn...makes the days of riding donkeys just a little more appealing with every passing car trip....people can be whatever they are in real life...but put them behind the wheel of a car and they turn into...well...Mindless Blind Idiots...so here is what I propose to do in my effort to make the Blind see again...

I will forget for a moment the possibly physical reactions of taking peoples pics in a country that considers that an invasion of privacy...never mind that my personal space is being invaded by their 3 tons of metal...from now on I will keep my digital cam handy in my Jeep...any time I see someone driving..or parked...in an illegal manner I will take a pic of their car doing this deed. I will of course...not break traffic laws myself while doing this...both hands on the wheel and all that...but take pics I will. What I will do after that is still up for debate...but printing out pics and distributing them sounds good...making a website exclusively for traffic offenders is another good one...in other words...shame these Mindless Blind Idiots into realizing that they in fact do not own the road despite who their father is or their nationality. Make them understand that their driving affects all of us...I prefer to get home to my kids in one piece...as would everyone else...so we need to do something to wake up these people to the fact that a car is not a PS2 game...you cant hit Re-Start when things go bad...if we all do a little..we can do alot.

anyone want to start a photography club with me...applications are available!!! sigh.

Urban myths are true?

Its kind of funny when we make off hand remarks that seem fairly rediculous and without meaning at some point in our lives...only to realize those remarks have returned to bite us in the ass and remind us...that off hand remarks are not always rediculous and without meaning.

Last June I walked into a Daihatsu dealership...with the intention of buying a red something...didnt care what it was to tell the truth but I knew I wanted it to be red. I wanted a red vehicle...had wanted one for a long time...dont ask me why...just a bee in my bonnet. I told my best friend..."if there is a red jeep available, Im getting it."...ha ha...there was one...only one...and it was on sell...woo hoo my lucky day had arrived!....sigh.

While the dealer was writing up the paperwork, my friend and I sat inside and admired all the nifty little gadgets etc...and she kept remarking about how come "this flashy beautiful red jeep was still not sold...even though it was nicer than the other colors?" Heres where the off hand remark came in...I said..."well you know that red colored vehicles are involved in more accidents than any other color...its been proven." Now I actually have read that somewhere but I cant remember whether it was something statistical or something someone said cause they hate red cars...I dont know...but it seemed pretty plausible at the time. Immediately she jumped from the jeep and forbid me to buy it..."how can you buy a red jeep knowing its going to get in a crash?" she shrieked. I laughed...ha ha ha...(oh how I laughed)...its just a myth...dont worry...my chances are just as good as you in your green car...its all the same....sigh(again).

So....10 months later and Im starting to think it was something statistical that I read about red cars...either that or people just have it out for my jeep and want to see it begin its next life as a lead paperweight post haste. I have had white cars...blue cars...even an ugly yellow jeep once that all ready had quite a lot of damage on it when I got it...and none of them suffered what this poor red jeep has suffered during the times that I owned them.

Here is a short list of indignities suffered by my red jeep at the hands of the uncaring public...or as I like to refer to them....Mindless Blind Idiots.

1. Within 2 short days of having it...while parked innocently outside my house...it received a unwarranted assault by an unknown assailant that resulted in a rather large dent on the front passenger side area...between the hood and wheel...had to be done on purpose as it was on top more or less...couldnt have been done by a careless passing car....sigh.

2. Was forced to play tag with some Mindless Blind Idiot giggly girls that assumed erroneously that a RedFlashy Jeep must be owned by a Hot Guy that wanted to flirt with two Mindless Blind Idiot giggly girls...which resulted in me being side swiped by two equally Mindless Blind Idiot macho boys that had seen the previously mentioned idiot girls and were trying to get in on the action....my jeep was the collateral damage in this "game of giggly fun"...sigh.

3. A very large bus driven by a Mindless Blind Idiot man decided that arrows on the road and traffic signals pointing the way were of no use to him when what he really wanted to do was turn left ....even though he was in the right lane...apparently it never occured to Mindless Blind Idiot man that while he could disregard all arrows guiding him forward and turn left anyhow...other drivers might not have the ability to read his empty head and react accordingly to avoid the unavoidable ....once again...poor red jeep was assualted.

4. While recently arriving home...ready to put my lovely innocent red jeep to bed for the night...Mindless Blind Idiot man decided that alleyways were shortcuts and looking before darting out of said alley was for wussies and the faint of heart...

resulting in a further assualt to my rapidly disintergrating red jeep caused by those "driving" on the road and others who think parking lots are real life versions of bumper cars. I have not had time to take my poor jeep to the garage for the other accidents...when a new one pops up to add to the damage. Keeping all these accident reports separate is becoming quite a chore. Not to mention the continued drama of trying to convince Mindless Blind Idiots that while they are Bahrainis and, yes, this is their country...driving their cars as if they are playing the latest PS2 game does not qualify one as a Formula One driver...nor does it exempt one from obeying simple traffic rules.

What is it about red that attracts people like moths to a flame...is my flaming red jeep hostile to the eye of an otherwise law abiding fellow driver....does my jeep cause a rage similar to the affect a red snapping cape has on a single minded raging bull? Am I a matador waving my red jeep in the face of usually placid cows(drivers) and so the fault is really mine for having the nerve to want to own a red vehicle in the first place....in the future I fear there will be a traffic law that states...article 567 of the traffic penal code...if you are in an accident in which a red car is one of the parties involved...automatically the owner of the red car is at fault and libel for all charges...ouch! Its coming...just wait.

My beautiful red jeep of less than one year...now has a full ring of damage the encirlces the entire vehicle...there is not one spot left without a ding..scratch...dent...or just outright body damage. Im sure my jeep still loves me...but is probably wishing I had gone to Honda that day.

The "myth" of the red vehicle seems to be alive and, unfortunately, very true...this could be the reason why...when Oprah gave a parking lot of new cars away to her audience...there was not one single red car in the bunch...Oprah was not taking any chances of being the defendent in a lawsuit...in which the free red car she gave to a greedy audience member was involved in an altercation with a Mindless Blind Idiot...you just cant escape the fact that sometimes...urban myths are true....sigh. Im considering getting a bicycle...not red of course....sigh.

Have you ever been blocked in a carpark....?

My friend and I had just spent a good couple hours in Seef...a little shopping...a trip to the cinema...and we came out into the carpark only to discover our car was blocked in by some idiot who wasnt thinking much beyond his need for whatever took him into Seef in the first place.

Initially we were pretty ticked off cause we were done and wanted to go and inconsiderate people sure have a way of popping up just when you least want to deal with them(always the case)...so we let ourselves fume for a good 5 minutes...I imagine his ears were ringing from the color blue in the air around us....but then, as I was leaning against the car...thinking evil thoughts about Mr My Time is More Important then Mere Mortals...I realized the sun was shining...insects were buzzing...the weather was pretty good...so it all added up to a fairly peaceful 25 minutes that we might have missed if we had just got in the car and went on our way.

By the time he arrived...not looking the least bit apologetic I might add...we had calmed down and were just passing the time enjoying ourselves and chatting about life etc...so he didnt get his ass kicked like he deserved...which is maybe why he wasnt in a hurry to apologize...and we had slowed down and let ourselves "see" the day for what it was...a pretty fine one for sure.

So thank you Mr Im Not Sorry For My Inconsideration...your action resulted in us being stuck for 25 minutes...25 minutes that we actually enjoyed...but before you get to self satified...dont be surprised when you receive a parking ticket in the mail...yeah..we called them! Maybe you got that ass kicking after all...lol.

Car Parks: A Convention for the Blind and Impatient?

Lets see....water?...check. Good mix of CD's?....check. Latest best seller book?...check. Oodles of infinite patience?...may need to stop at the store and get another supply in...Ive been running on reserves lately.

You might think Im going on a road trip or something but actually it was a destination a little closer to home...the local cinema. Parking has become a nightmare in Bahrain....finding a parking spot anywhere near your intended destination is like finding the Fountain of Youth....a fabled spot but worth looking for for the rewards promised. As I set out with high hopes and feverent prayers sent off to the Saint of Please Let Me Find a Parking Spot...my friend and I made our way to a place that, at best, is only a 20 minute drive from my house....but throw in parking time and you got the length of the movie right there...darn.

I will be the first to acknowledge that I am not the best of drivers...I imagine I have turned a few hairs instantly white with some of my spur of the moment lane changes or for breaking in the middle of nowhere...but I try to keep such insane driving to a minimum...I can proudly say that I have only ever been in one accident...and it was not my fault....yes, I know, your sitting there reading this and saying..."thats what they all say"...well, be that as it may....in my case its true...but let just leave it at that...to name names would be so uncouth...(you know who you are...dont deny it)...nuff said. I say this because my 20 minute journey for an innocent night of entertainment has never been without heartstopping...underpants soiling..turning the air blue cursing..and generally white knuckle driving...there is no such thing as an "uneventful drive' in Bahrain.

Anyhow, the issue here is parking. Ive always wondered if the majority of folk in Bahrain have been given general road information...such as, those white lines in parking lots are generally there to line up everyone in nice little rows to maximize the number of cars able to park...and to make getting in and out easy peasy. What I find in most carparks is a free for all that resembles a Convention for the Blind and Impatient...We generally find a few basic kind of carparkers.

There is :

Mr. My Car is Expensive so I need two or three spots to keep a buffer zone established....sheesh...I can probably hit your car if I tried real hard...its not like you have a force field around it...lol.

Mrs. I Know its a Sedan....but I prefer to think of it as a Sherman Tank...makes parking so much easier....dont have to worry about fiddly side mirrors and rearview headaches....sigh

lets not forget....Mr Squeeze My Car...into a spot meant for a Mini Cooper...but Im sure I can manage a Hummer given the right amount of backing and forthing...holding up 40 cars and causing the occupants to have to squeeze out of their cars cause the doors wont open adequately...this is where rubber edges on doors come in handy.....put that on your shopping list.

then there are the general parkers...those that apparently believe that if their car or jeep can fit into the spot...then its good enough for them ...no matter that the tail end is probably sticking out cutting off two way traffic...or that shrubbery or garbage cans may have fallen victim to this reckless disregard for innocent bystanders.

I might also point out one more parker....Mr(and its usually a man)I Can Park My Car Right in Front of the Damn Doorway Just Because I am Me...he must be right since I rarely see a parking ticket on his window....Ive always wondered if I dared try, if my little red jeep would pass the "I Have a Right to Park Here"....code...Im thinking not! I think the right to park there comes with a secret handsignal to the security on duty...or maybe a knowing nod of the head...I know its something, I just havent caught onto it yet.

Something I truly find interesting is the fact that people would rather drive around in circles for an hour looking for that elusive 'near the door" parking spot then park several aisles over and walk...u know walking..when one leg moves opposite of the other to propel u in a forward motion....I know its a dying sport but lets hope it doesnt go the way of the Dodo ...that was a sad loss for all. These same people will drive in circles for an hour...spend a small fortune in the shops...but seem scandalized if you suggest parking in a parking garage and paying for it...yeah I can see where 500 fils on parking might just be the straw on the camel that breaks the back...or is that the bank....hmmm.

Just to make parking easier for all concerned...here are few rules that should be posted and strict adherence should be maintained by the local MP's who apparently have oodles(my word of the day) of time to spend coming up with yet more inane proposals...I say let them earn their Bd2000 plus a month with a little car parking work....who knows...they might even get a tip for a job well done....supplement their meager income.

Rules For Parking in Bahrain

1. White lines are for guidance...ur car goes between them...not on top of them. Any car that crosses over the white line will have white lines painted on his or her car as a reminder for future parking.

2. If your car has dents and scratches all around the lower edge and bumpers...you must pay for and apply a large rubber band type object so that others in the carpark are not subject to your blind ambitious parking skills.

3. If you are a lone occupant...you must pay a fee for taking up a valuable parking spot in which two or more persons might enjoy...so either bring the wife/husband and kids...or keep your lonely butt at home.

4. If you even think of tapping your horn with impatience...or worse yet...laying heavy hands on it thinking this will in some way encourage those in front of you to part ways and let your superior ass through...then be prepred to solve the riddle of whether a horn tastes as good as it sounds...yummy...when someone that doesnt quite agree with your personal opinion comes along and shows his or her ire...in which case...being stuck in a parking lot might be the least of your worries.

5. Any failure to comply with those rules will result in Mrs Sherman Tank being directed to park right next to you once you do find a parking spot. Good luck with that btw.

My youngest son has solved the lack of parking problem with one easy rule....if you want to to find a park at the mall or in the diplomat area...arrive at 6 in the morning...take the bus or taxi back home and then come again later...at least your car is all ready there waiting for you....and you can avoid all parking worries...sounds like a plan son.