Funny thing happened on the way to Christmas....

*I wrote this for my college paper-enjoy


The holiday season is upon us once again and as I drive around seeing the beginnings of holiday cheer being strung up on houses and trees aligning the streets, I can not help but think of holiday seasons of the past. Growing up in my house meant that holidays were a hit and miss affair. Depending on my father's mood, which could change like the weather in Wyoming, we might get to celebrate with reasonable good cheer, or watch dejectedly as he flung our decorated tree out the front door yet again complaining about the space it took up or the fact that it was just a merchandising gimmick for the already rich. Unlike most children my age I did not look forward to Christmas in quite the same light. For them it was charging into the holiday spirit with a mix of family visits, shopping trips, holiday music playing non stop and possibly church attendance and other religious gatherings. For us it was more or less tiptoeing into it with shopping squeezed in when he was not around, decorating when he was not watching television, phone calls having to do in place of family visits that we rarely were allowed, and the only gatherings we took part in were usually done at 3 a.m. as he drug us from our beds to stand at attention while he prowled back and forth with one of his many guns in hand as he ranted on yet again about how ungrateful we all were and he would be doing himself a huge favor just to blow us all away and be done with it. After 2 or 3 hours we would be allowed back to our beds but sleep was a long time coming. Not to mention on those Christmas mornings that actually did arrive with tree and gifts intact, I do believe my sisters and I engaged in the quietest present opening finale ever in the history of children and Christmas.

My married life was spent overseas with a man and in a country that did not celebrate Christmas or the holidays (though generally the expat community took part in a more subdued low key scale) as the major religion followed was not Christianity, which means it has been over 23 years since I have been free to celebrate this holiday free of stress and with my own family traditions. Of course at this time I have no family traditions concerning the holidays. I am lucky that I am free to create my own, to take on those aspects of the holidays which appeal to me and discard the parts that do not. I do not have family clamoring for me to do things "how it has always been done" nor do I have that frenzied aspect that has me creating lists and "checking them twice" and wondering who I left out of the holiday card/gift giving round. This first real holiday will be baby steps for me. Tentative forays into the great unknown, grabbing onto familiar objects along the way to ensure I have the support I need to take my next step. First I had to buy a tree.

The other day I went to the store to buy decorations for that first tree I have ever bought and walked up and down the aisles for an hour picking up and discarding a myriad of decorative choices having no clue what I wanted. It seemed that decorating my own tree was going to be a lot harder than I thought. I wanted it to be perfect but had no idea what perfect was. Eventually I came home with a string of lights and two boxes of colored bulbs and that was all. A week later the tree has the lights and only 4 bulbs on it as the placement of those 4 bulbs took me to levels of anxiety I have only ever felt while trying to fit in all this college homework with deadlines ever at the forefront. I told myself I would not get sucked into the whole holiday season stressed out nerve wracking aspect of it but the fact that I can not even decorate my own tree without needing a time out in between bulb placements does not bode well.

I visited the stores on Black Friday and could not find a single item that I felt required my hard earned money to be sacrificed for. I came home with some paper towels and some jingle bells that hang from my front door...and a little jingle that hangs from my backpack. For some reason, as I pushed my empty shopping cart through the throngs of frenzied shoppers, I kept thinking to myself, is THIS what I have been missing all these years? Shopping for things I do not need for people I do not particularly care for, or do not care for me, and putting myself in debt that I might pay off just in time to do it all again next year? I was the only one in the 12 items or less lane as I paid for my items and left. I could not help but notice the cashier eyeballing my mostly empty cart and giving me a sad look as if she "understood" my situation...possibly that I could not afford to fill my cart like the other 99.9% of the stores customers?

Because my children have not been raised with that holiday expectation that builds up as commercials and radio jingles bombard them with the latest "must have" as the magical day draws closer, inquiries as to what they would like "from" Santa have been met with shrugged shoulders and the rolling of eyeballs. It apparently pains them to humor their mother and let me have something on this list I am meant to have. My list is empty just now...all though underwear and socks are always holiday gift giving favorites. I am sure they will receive those with the same amount of joy that I did when I parted the colorful paper, opened the red/silver/green box and discovered clothing as my reward for being a child and having wants and desires that did not include cotton or the words "one size fits all". I guess my habit of gifting them for bringing joy to my life all throughout the year has sort of turned them into cynics about this whole end of year gift giving extravaganza. Darn spoiled kids!

So every night as I pass my still yet undecorated tree and tiptoe by my sleeping children that are most likely NOT dreaming of sugar plum fairies, it is only 3 weeks until Santa arrives and "good will and peace on earth" reigns...at least for a little while. For one brief moment we can forget CNN and it's nightly round up of mans inhumanity to man across the globe. We can skip right over FoxNews and get our source of entertainment from family and friends that make us laugh and feel good rather than just laugh from sheer jaw dropping idiocy. We can put aside our differences and focus on our similarities and let the small stuff slide off our horrible holiday sweatered backs. Later we can drive through neighborhoods and admire other people's ability to defy gravity and put lights in places only squirrels should have access too or who seem intent on spreading the message of Peace on Earth to any lifeforms that may be passing by our galaxy and happen to look down and see a house with enough lights that the glare on their spaceship window causes them to crash into a passing weather satellite.

As each of you head into your own holiday season and pull out your well worn family traditions concerning it think about how those traditions came to be and whether or not they are a true reflection of what the holiday really means to you. As we are all struggling to get through this recession the best way we can, consider trying to experience a Christmas season that is less focused on "things" and more on feelings and that good will everyone keeps going on about, including myself..and if you hear someone walking down the hallway here at college jingling all the way...that would be yours truly.

Have a wonderful holiday season and try to make at least one person smile that maybe has not had a reason to in a good long while. That is a gift worth giving.

p.s. for those curious enough to consider the "hidden meaning" of this post...no I don't consider myself a Christian and see enjoying the Christmas season as an affirmation of that...I just happen to like twinkle lights and decorated trees and the general atmosphere of "be kind to others" mentality that seems to take over this time of year. I enjoy the joy...so to speak...and that has nothing to do with religion...and probably despite it.

Is There a Trevor in Your Life?

I love spending time on Ellen Degenerous's offical website (http//:ellen.warnerbros.com/ ) because, not only are the video's of her show and things she has done so funny, she also puts things on there worth watching that aren't always so funny but very important. ( I might add that I have been clicking away on her tickets calender for a year now and no luck...always full or I'm doing it wrong. Hey Ellen, could you hook a girl up pleeeeeese?)



A lot of people who "know" her have heard her speak out against bullying and she has admitted that of course she suffered that as well when she came out as a lesbian in Hollywood just when she was becoming well known and famous. She says she was shut down and nobody wanted to touch her after that. She suffered adult bullying and I happen to know personally that it hurts no matter what your age is.



She showed them though and came back bigger and better than ever. In your face Hollywood!!!



However, dealing with this bullying when you are young can be life altering...even life ending. You are made to feel different, or when people perceive you as different, their "normal" reaction is to isolate you even more. To ostracize you and make you feel that your difference is somehow your fault, your problem, your defect. You must deal with it alone, or change and become "one of them" in order to be accepted.



For a young person this forced change can be the beginning of the end for how they perceive themselves. When you are different (as judged by society) everything else connected with you appears "off" or nuanced into suggestive meanings. Your every step, word, or thought is made to feel skewed or somehow shameful. Your not "normal" and boy don't the bullies let you know it.



On Ellen's website she has a short film called Trevor(for some reason my copy paste abilities are suffering today, but you can find the film on her website or Google of course). This is a film about a teenage boy just coming to learn that he is possibly gay and the repercussions he suffers because of it; both from this parents and society (school mostly). It's poignant because throughout Trevor tells himself that he "looks normal" and "feels normal" but apparently everyone else can see something different about him that he can't see himself, otherwise why would they treat him as they do?



The film is almost lighthearted in it's acting but the message is strong and in your face. Not everyone is "like you" and who are you to demand that of anyone anyways. Why demand people be "normal" because what does normal mean anyhow? Normal to you (any you) means to bully people into changing themselves to suit you and make you happy. So is bullying a characteristic of "normal"?



When you look in the mirror do you see "normal" or is there always something about you that you would change, and are these changes possible; like losing weight or cutting your hair, or something impossible like changing the color of your eyes....or your sexuality? It seems bullies, both adult and children, demand we change things about ourselves to please them in some way.



If you are gay, change that because I am not gay and everyone should be like me. You might not be gay, but you're a homophobic hateful bully with a black heart that cannot accept people for who they are without taking it personal and wanting to force them to change. Why should I be like you...are you normal?



I loved this short film because it says so much in such a short time. The message is direct and easy to understand; not everyone is the same and what a better place the world is because of it. We are not all cookie cutter personalities with desires and dreams that match...what a boring world it would be if it were.



For those of you who point a finger at those of us who aren't normal (and yes I include myself because...really...there isn't too much normal about me. I'm fucked up in so many ways you don't even know), when you look in the mirror are you completely satisfied with the person looking back at you...or is there something...just a little something, you would change to better suit your idea, or societies idea, of what constitutes "normal"?



Nobody is perfect, we all have our flaws, but when you look at me (any me) with my short body, red hair, long spindly legs, stutter, freckles, pudgy belly, gangly walk, non stop tick, bad teeth and bad skin, green eyes, blue eyes, brown eyes...my sexuality... when you look at me and don't like what you see and decide you have the right to point it out and demand I change it....let me ask you this....why should I?



Do you stay awake at night unable to sleep because I wear clothes that offend you, because I have thoughts that offend you, because I dance, talk, laugh, sit, eat or do nothing at all and that still somehow offends you, or is it because I found love, the hardest of all emotions to find, keep, and cherish, with someone you don't agree with...and you find that the biggest offense of all. Why are you losing sleep over this...why are you shaking your head, clenching your fists and feeling a sense of revulsion at my happiness and gratitude that I. Found. Love.?



Why are you standing there feeling superior that you are hetero that you are "normal" and that you are doing God's work by sending me and my "type" to hell simply because I love? God created me with the ability to love...He did not create me with the ability to choose whom I love. Why should I be punished for His omission?



When we are young our parents tell us...one day you will grow up and find someone to love and who loves you. What they don't tell us is that society must first agree with our choice because society has a say in who we love...even though we ourselves have absolutely NO say in who we fall in love with. Is loving someone something we choose? Can we point at a person and say..."hey, I think I will make myself fall in love with you today"....can hetero's do that? I'm guessing they can because they seem to assume gay people can do that too.



I cannot stand people who bully, people who judge, people who spend so much time up on their "holier than thou" soapbox that they can't live among the rest of us.... without looking down.



Must we always find reasons to look down on people...why not find reasons to look up to them instead? I find that the kind of normal everyone should strive for. The world is in the fucked up condition it is today because we spend so much time looking for differences in each other that we miss all the similarities.



Speak out against bullies...even if you don't like something you see in others...neither you nor anyone else has the right to demand they change it. Even if you use God as your "excuse"...just turn a blind eye to someones "defect", to their gayness, just like you turn a blind eye and keep silent about so many other "un-religious" actions so many of your faith engage in. Just add this one to that list...won't ya?

Or does that whole...live and let live thing ... just pertain to YOU and your "lifestyle choices"?

Don't Ask Don't Tell...a letter to the paper

I will be the first to admit I know very little about the political process and what is required to make a law a law...or to reject a proposed one etc., but I do know what "separation of church and state" means and I do know that BECAUSE of separation of church and state, religion shouldn't play any part in law making in THIS country based on that fact.

I know...try telling THAT to the Christians. *sigh*

Now, due in part to my boring night job, and my new found interest in my politics class...I have been reading the paper more in hopes that all that is confusing will become more clear.

I chanced upon this letter in yesterday's Casper Star Tribune (I'm starting to see a trend here) and it really made my blood boil. (another crappy pic, sorry) Now, according to this gentleman (and I use the term in the loosest possible way) he is quite happy that the Don't Ask/Don't Tell rule in the military was upheld. According to him, the military is NO place for homosexuals anyhow.

In case it's too small to read (I'm sure) his words are, "I am a veteran who shared open showers. It is uncomfortable knowing of a gay man showering in the same 12 shower room. If heterosexual soldiers are attracted to females and forbidden to shower with them, how could it be acceptable for a gay soldier, attracted to men, to be allowed to share showers with other male soldiers?"

Now here's what I'm thinking...see if this makes sense. Gay men are attracted to...oh say...OTHER gay men. If YOU are not gay, chances are other gay men will know it and not bother themselves checking out your "goods". Having said that...who the fuck cares if they do check out your goods....men have been subjecting women to the lecherous male gaze since the beginning of time so why cry foul at the very thought that it might get turned on them in some way?

Not to mention, chances are this particular man shared many many showers with gay men while in the military...and just didn't know it. You know why he didn't know it? Cause gay men look just like everyone else...naked..and with their clothes on too for the most part. Also, as far as I know...gay men don't make it a point to proclaim their homosexuality while in showers with 12 other men. Just doesn't sound like "good manners"...or even safe for him to do.

This man also goes on to claim that allowing gays in the military (as if there aren't any right now) would require "separate showers, bathing schedules, and living quarters". He claims then gays would claim "discrimination". Ya think?

My question is...why would it require those things? A gay man is still a man...still got the penis and absence of breasts (generally speaking) so he is, in fact, still male...he just happens to like males and not females. How does that translate into requiring separate everything to accommodate them?

His last line is quite the doozy actually. It's the one that really pissed me off. He says...and I QUOTE, "If they don't announce their homosexuality, then I won't announce my heterosexuality."

I was like...huh?

You just announced you heterosexuality by writing this letter. You announced it by declaring NOT being a heterosexual is somehow wrong. Heterosexuals announce it every single time they try (or do) pass a law that makes being hetero the norm and being gay abnormal. By allowing religious thought to invade our political process to the extent that laws are formed and enforced based on some biblical proclamation that being gay is wrong and deserving of punishment is DECLARING your heterosexuality every single day and forcing that declaration down the throat of every citizen of this country whether they like it or not.

Heterosexual Christians (of which this particular writer doesn't claim to be a Christian but I sort of read it in there...maybe that's just me) believe they have the God given right to enforce their ideas of what is normal and what is sinful onto the rest of us...and by prohibiting gay soldiers from declaring themselves as gay...they are, in fact forcing govt to accept church into every little facet of the political process.

To me that sounds anti American govt. Why do we allow it to happen? Why have we allowed Christians to take over the law making decisions of this country when clearly not everyone who lives and are forced to obey those same laws are not Christian and probably don't believe the same things that the Bible claims is true?

If the American Constitution declares that there will be "separation of church and state"...and we are governed by that constitution...why do we have laws that make being gay illegal? Or somehow sinful? Or that forbid them certain rights that heteros enjoy? or? or? or?

Possibly I still have a lot to learn about politics but could someone explain this to me....I'm not getting it.

btw..back to this ex-veteran..he is a homophobe...and THOSE are the sorts of men that shouldn't be allowed in the military...wonder how many of them are though?

grrr...for some reason my paragraphs won't ....paragraph...sorry for the looooong "paragraph"

A Brand New Year

Dear Coolred,

So it looks like 2010 has snuck up on you when it seems as if 2007 just barely passed. I know what your thinking...its not fair that time is moving so swiftly now where as before it crawled along with a snail like pace...because time has a different sort of quality now then it did before. You know what I mean...no need to explain.

This year is as good as any to set in motion all those dreams you've kept locked away in your head and heart for so long. Don't tell me you don't deserve to realize your dreams Coolred...everyone deserves to experience at least one dream come true. I know I know...finally returning to America must seem like a dream come true after being away for so long. The loneliness and despair can never be forgotten but they can be put to good use...write it all down girl. People love to hear about other peoples sorrows and miseries...doesn't hurt to try and make a buck or two off your "tragedies". Something good must be found in such tragic circumstances to make it all seem worth while. All those tears and frustrations, all that anger and abuse...every single moment in which you felt alone and forgotten...don't worry Coolred....you weren't alone...you weren't forgotten....you were just off the grid for awhile. Welcome back. Also, no need to tell you how cathartic writing has always been to you. I dont understand this reluctance you have shown in writing this story down...its all there in your head girl...it will practically write itself. What are you waiting for seriously?

Remember Coolred that life can be harsh and demanding...life can be corrupt and devious...life can be sneaky and controlling...but life can also be wonderful and glorious...life can be warm and loving...life can be whatever you make of it...so make it worthwhile. Forget the pain and abuse and only remember the love and warmth...it was in there girl...you don't have to look too hard even though I know its not something that comes easy for you at times. Life is love...nothing else matters in the end.

One more thing Coolred...don't let anyone tell you "you cant" anymore. I realize in the past that circumstances meant you literally could not make decisions for yourself...not your fault. You were young and naive and stepped into the black without so much as a flashlight. Took you a long time to find your way out again but you did...you did...in the end that is what matters. You found your way out. Remind yourself Coolred how much patience that took...how much strength that took...how much fortitude and perseverance that took to find your way out after being lost for so long. Tell yourself that Coolred and be proud. Its something worth being proud over...don't fool yourself for a second.

I know...I know...from the inside looking out it just seems like day to day existence...or even moment by moment...but know this...every moment that you endured and got passed...is another moment bringing you closer to the light. Be proud. It was no small feat. And because you did that...YOU DID THAT...nobody can tell you "you cant" anymore....only you can do that girl. Only you.

And please don't tell yourself "you cant" too often...pretty soon your talking yourself out of everything...and that's no life.

One more thing Coolred. Love is hard to come by. We can go our whole lives and not find it...the lucky few who do usually never even realize what they have...until the lose it. Don't lose the love you found Coolred. You can never get something like that back again. Believe me girl if you don't believe anything else...love lost is love gone forever. Between you and me...love should be shown to the world...there's enough hate going round...hate makes the nightly news...hate makes the newspaper headlines...but love...love hardly gets a mention except in a romantic comedy that lasts 2 hours then its over and you go home. I recommend those who love to let the world know it. Why keep love a secret? More on that later...we'll talk.

Oh yes...before I forget. I realize that you have sacrificed a great deal for your children. Since the moment you realized life grew in your belly you have thought of nothing else...made sacrifices that hurt as much as a severed limb...but you made them willingly and without regret. For your children you didn't hesitate to endure...endure...endure...for them no sacrifice was too big....but know this Coolred...children are selfish and have short memories. They are thankless and demanding. They quite often throw our sacrifices back into our faces and throw words at us like...."who asked you too"....or "why didn't you do something sooner"...things like that. Don't worry Coolred...they will understand someday...probably not for a great long while...maybe not even until they have a child of their own...but they will. Your good at being patient girl...you've already proven that...so be patient just a little while longer. But you know they love you anyhow...so whats your hurry?

This is your year Coolred...I can feel it. College is waiting to be conquered. A book is waiting to be written. Life is waiting to be lived...so go live it. And you and I both know you lost something awhile back that you just haven't been able to find no matter how hard you tried. Maybe you shouldn't try so hard girl...sometimes just letting it find you is about the only thing you can do....and sometimes things aren't really lost...they just aren't where we are looking for them. Maybe you just need to stop looking and let it find you. Its an option.

So take it easy Coolred...don't be so hard on yourself if you fail at something. Just pick yourself up and try again. And try and let go of that anger...its destroying you and the one your angry at certainly isn't worth it. And it wouldn't hurt to try and let people like you...being sociable never came hard to you before...just remember what it felt like...and relax. We can never have too many friends...but sometimes we can have too few. Go out and find some friends Coolred. Laughter shared is a good thing.

Take care and be well and don't be afraid to try...the most you will do is fail...but theres always next time. Get back to me in 12 months and tell me how it went. I'm sure you will be amazed at the things you have accomplished. I already am.

Yours truly

Coolred

So many things...so little time!!!

Some of you who sit with bated breath for my next exciting installment of "As Coolred Turns" must be rather blue in the face by now...sorry for the delay but without net in the house anymore its a rather hit and miss affair when I can be online. I get down here to the library when I can but lately its been hectic with a capital H and there just hasn't been much time. Sooooo....I will do another bullet type announcement sort of thing just to catch people up...for those of you who are interested....you can let that breath out now...and relax. LOL



1. Lets see...signed lease on 3 bedroom apartment today. Will move in tomorrow probably. Its not the Ritz but its a place to call home for now until our situation improves...and its improving day by day. We will be moving in with little more than our suitcases which, up till now, have remained unpacked. This apartment has huge closets....so lots of space to hang stuff. (note to self...buy lots of hangers)

2. Oldest daughter found job and son just got news that he got a new job which is much better than the Gamestop job he currently has. Better as in salary wise but, according to him, NOT better exciting wise. Sorry son, paying bills comes before any sort of excitement can be had. That's the law of the jungle. So we are doing OK income wise, OK but always needing improvement...lol. Got an apartment to furnish and seriously need transport.

3. As soon as I move into this apartment I will no longer have use of my friends car...which means my job that was just down the street is now on the other side of town...and I have no way to get to it. Bit of a problem there. Hmmm? The only solution is to ask boss if he will move me from the store location I'm at to the one nearer to my new apartment...that's just a short walk away..doable when you don't have a car. (note to self...catch boss in good mood)

4. Oh yeah...signed up for college. I'm soooo freakin cool. College freshman at 41. Haven't decided just yet what I will study...need to look over the list of possibilities...but journalism definitely gonna be in there somewhere. Need to boost my income potential so something that will help do that obviously...writing is for fun (would be nice if it paid as well but that's another story). First thing I'm going to do is buy me a t-shirt with my college name on it...woohoo!!!...never got to go to college as my father would not pay for it and I did miss that opportunity while in the military. Something Ive always regretted.

5. Kids are settling in nicely. Had school pics done. Something Bahrain never offered which I always missed. Lots of studio pics of course but school pics are nice reminders. My son the senior is helping prepare for grad night for seniors. That is definitely something Bahrain never offered. He is making lots of friends and that is important to me...I'm glad he feels he isn't alone...friend wise that is.

6. My son, the future basketball NBA star, is doing well on his basketball team. He made an awesome steal and full court run before dropping a left handed lay up in without a hitch. All you NBA scouts can start calling from now...

7. I bought a new mobile phone...something you didn't really need to know but I mentioned simply because it has the strangest set of ring tones Ive ever heard already in a phone. Wish you could hear them....makes you scratch your head and say hmmmm?

Anyhow, that's a bit of my update for the moment. For those of you leaving comments..sorry if I dont get back to them right away...hopefully we can get the net in the apartment ASAP now that we are signed up. One can only hope with my computer obsessed teens...and me. LOL

When Did Americans Get So Lazy?

So...been 2 weeks at work now and I cant help notice how many people come into the store wearing sleep pants...or pj's. Granted they could basically be considered an appropriate form of attire to go for a quick run to the shop etc...but seriously...we all KNOW they are for sleeping...and thus are just and indicator of how lazy you were in not changing out of them before heading out the door.

Last night an entire family came in with not only sleep pants...but full pj's...tops and bottoms....with house slippers as well. Mom and dad were in tshirts and sport team sleep pants...3 little kids were in assorted sleep wear with bunny slippers, tigger slippers and what looked like bear claw (?) slippers. It was ONLY 8 pm and its not like they were making an emergency run to get some milk for breakfast or something(and the WHOLE family wouldn't need to do that anyhow...right?)...so whats up with that?


When did Americans start wearing their sleeping clothes for errands...and does anyone else find that a little strange...or is that just me and something I need to get use too?

My Lord...whats with ALL the complications!!

We've been in the Land of the Free...Home of the Brave...Country of the Perpetual Paperwork...for just over 2 weeks now. Its been a busy busy time for us trying to get ourselves all sorted out and on track to a somewhat normal life. Its been hectic with a capital H!!!

I'm going to use this post to point out some differences I notice in general...and to either vent or praise something depending on the topic.

So, lets see. It SNOWED!!! full blown blizzard. Practically a white out. It was awesome...and freezing...but mostly awesome. My kids were amazed but were not about to go outside and experience it first hand. They viewed the white storm from the safety of the house and behind storm glass...lol. Wusses!! By the next day the sky was clear blue, the temps were "warm" (one day jackets and hats the next t shirts...lol) and there was beautiful snow on everything. The sticky kind too so much snowball throwing was had by all. Fun fun fun!!! I will let you know if my enthusiasm for all things snow remains further into the winter.

However, by the second day practically all the snow was gone and what was left behind...MUD!!! yuck!!! I haven't had the "pleasure" of walking in mud for quite sometime. Bahrain is sand really so the rain collects in the streets until it drains off into the sewers...not much mud in terms of that disgusting sucking messy gets into everything and makes your shoes a disaster kind of thing. Nope...didn't really miss that.

We are staying with one of my oldest friends...we met in the 3rd grade for a brief spell before meeting up again in the 7th grade and its gone on from there. I had planned to stay with her only long enough to find a place of our own...but with the theft of my wallet and a dent in my finances...that has been put on hold for now. So we are 11 people in a double wide trailer. So far its been ok. A flare up or two but not bad considering the number of young'uns running around. My kids are over the moon to be all together again...and they really love having this family like atmosphere since they haven't really had much of a family this past couple of years. It might not be so lovely in a few more weeks or something, tempers flare, privacy non existent, TP missing from the bathroom etc...but for now we will take it one day at a time until something comes along to change it.

In the process of starting our lives Ive been forced to do a MOUNTAIN of paperwork at every stop I make along the road. My Lord whats with having to put my name, address and SSN 3 or 4 times ON THE SAME APPLICATION?!!! Sheesh Ive got writers cramp doing that for the 6 of us over and over and over again. Because some of our SSN cards were in my wallet I had to send for new ones...took some time but not bad. I went and got my drivers license...I was fearing I would have to take ANOTHER test after just doing one in Texas last Dec, because my license was in my wallet, but she just let me apply for a new one with NO test. Whew!! lucky break. That written test is a b****h when it comes to maximum alcohol limits and prison terms and all that jazz. I can never keep those numbers straight...and really...considering I dont drink or drink AND drive...they dont interest me much. NOW when OTHERS drink and drive...that interest me.

On a side note...driving in Bahrain is truly a life and death experience EVERY FREAKIN TIME you leave your house. That no lie and NO exaggeration. So we can all be thankful that people drive crazy....but generally are NOT drinking as well...because one would have to assume the carnage already experienced on a daily basis would just be too much to bear.

Getting the 2 kids in school was a bit easier than I thought...at least for Ameena. She just started...no problems. Starting later meant she didn't get to be in some classes she wanted as they were full...but she was able to get in guitar class so that made her happy. I had to go BUY the guitar as they don't provide them but since my son Adam, the self taught and beautifully played guitar player, left his behind (the first one I bought him for his bday...sniff sniff) we needed another one in the house anyhow. Money well spent in my opinion. It makes them happy and is a better way of spending their time than other ways I can imagine.

On a side note, my friends son has an electric guitar so Adam got to try his hand on that. He loves it. He sounds very professional and Baaaaad Assssss or so Ive been informed. Obviously he has his heart set on getting one of those sometime soon...sorry son...get a job if you want one of those...they cost a penny or two.

Getting Zack in school was a bit more tedious. I brought his school record translated into English for the 10th and 11th grade. I did NOT know that the 9th grade was needed as well. So they wouldn't allow him into school until that transcript could be sent. Of course that took some time obtaining and so he sat home for a week while all that was straightened out. Turns out he took some of the harder senior classes already in Bahrain so he has quite a few easy classes..lol...so he shouldn't be too stressed this semester. He hit it off with the guidance councilor right away so I'm happy hes got someone to turn too. I was most worried about how Zack would settle in at school but so far he seems to be doing just fine.

It was funny though when I went to my old highschool and there were STILL staff there that were there when I went there. WTF!! Those teachers were surely OLD when I was there..at least they seemed to be...so what? Are they like 150 years old now? lol Obviously they werent old then but when your young EVERYONE seems old. Some of them remembered me too...and here I thought I was invisible in school...must have just been with other students for the most part...lol.

He spends equal amounts of time out here with the family, playing games or hanging out, or in his room alone. I don't mind cause I know he needs space to adjust and as long as he is balancing out the two phases then all is good. He spends time chatting with his Bahrain friends or playing piano (yes I was able to bring it thankfully) so he has his alone time to relax and center himself. I know he is the one who made the biggest sacrifice in terms of his mental preparations etc. I appreciate his willingness to give this a try and hes doing very well so far.

NOW...looking for a job has been harder than I thought. There are plenty of jobs around...help wanted all over and a decent amount in the papers...but actually APPLYING for jobs has certainly become complicated way beyond comprehension. Most applications are on-line and it can take up to 45 MINUTES to fill out!!! My Lord they ask everything under the sun and some questions from the far side of the moon as well. The funny questions are those in which they ask what you would do if you found money or would you rather work over time or be out with your friends. Tricky....lol. Do they want the truth or what WE know THEY want to hear? My daughter actually "failed" a few of those as she didn't understand the "rules" to applying and answering those sort of questions...ha ha. Poor her....she was honest...and failed to get a job because of it. WTF!!!

So the 3 of us, daughter son and myself, have spent 2 weeks applying ALL over the darn place and so far I'm the only one that finally got a job. Its one of those gas station/mini store type things but I'm fine with that. As long as I'm working I'm good....until something better comes along. I'm sure they will get something here soon...they just have to be more aggressive and not WAIT for opportunity to come to them.

I cant praise enough the driving standards here. So calm and relaxed when driving...I can actually look out the window at STUFF (scenery, houses etc) rather then just have my eyeballs peeled for tail gaiters, lane changers, speeders, and cars full of kids hanging out windows. I must admit I ha vent seen even one incident of that. You can only drive 20 mph (school zones) or 30 (residential) and 40 (main streets etc) through town...and people pretty much stick to that even though it takes AGES to get anywhere...lol. So civilized. lol (yes Bahrain IS THAT BAD)

ONE other thing I must mention just because of its interesting aspect. If your a man I suggest you brace yourself...the next bit is a bit personal (ok a lot personal). For the past year or more Ive suffered from a myriad of physical complaints...everything from extremely swollen feet and legs, constant headaches, knee pain and a monthly cycle that was almost non existent. I was actually starting to think menopause was fast approaching...because I hadn't had a "visit" in the past 2 months (either that or a new miracle prophet was about to be born...lol)...anyhow...call it a miracle but the swollen feet and legs ARE GONE. My shoes fit (or are loose depending), pant legs are definitely loose (yay), the only headache I got was from staring at the blindingly white snow and the knee pain is no more. Oh yes, cycle turned up and was everything a cycle should be...when I was much younger and "regular"...if you know what I mean.

Must mean something...lol. Im not too concerned about the WHY as much as the Thank God part of it.

So, that's about it for now. Let me know if you have any suggestions for starting fresh...from scratch and all. Im all ears.

btw a completely random note. Micheal Buble' is to die for. For anyone that hasn't listened to him sing...I suggest you drop what your doing and run out and buy whatever music of his you can (or check the net...lol). Dreamy looking and heavenly sounding. Right now I have his song Lost on repeat and Ive listened to it a gazillion times...wow!!!