Bring Adam Jones Home/A Foreign Mother's Fight for Her Half British Half Qatari Son

 http://gulf-daily-news.com/NewsDetails.aspx?storyid=362138

Adam Jones was tricked out of the custody of his British mother 4 years ago after her ex husband, a Qatari national, died in a motorcycle accident. Her husband's family invited her to bring Adam over under the pretense of a family get together, something she had willingly done before, so suspected nothing was different this time. They asked her to sign a document pertaining to his inheritance from his father's estate but in fact it was her signing over her custody of her son to the family. She has been fighting four long years in the Qatar courts to get Adam back with only two visits per week with him. So far not much has been done for her and I find this whole drama heart breaking and quite personal as it is something foreign mother's to Arab nationals must live under the threat of constantly. Our children and rights and access to them is what binds us to these marriages or to the countries long after we might other wise be gone. This is the letter I wrote today in regards to Adam and his mother's plight. 


In response to the plight of Adam Jones whose mother was tricked into giving up custody of him to his Qatari family, it boggles my mind that the word "allegedly" was used when describing what her ex husband's family did in order to gain custody of her son. Despite the fact that nobody should ever sign a document that they do not understand, especially when it is in a foreign language (a practice that is forced on many non Arabic readers here in the  gulf), I must wonder at the Sharia Court in Qatar that still considers that document as valid and legal. Once she stated in court that she was under duress to sign it and that she was misinformed as to its contents then the court was obliged to throw it out or at the very least to investigate the reasons behind the accusations and whether they were true or not. To uphold that document for four long years and keep Adam from his mother, who clearly did not want to release custody of him, is a telling indication of just how Sharia Courts in the Middle East view foreign mother's rights as being nonexistent and not worth the trouble to implement them. Personal experience and hearing the stories of so many other foreign mother's of Bahraini, Saudi, Qatari and other G.C.C. country's children is proof positive that Adam's mother will most likely not find the justice she is so desperately looking for. If it were going to come one would have to assume that the concerned authorities (if they really are concerned) would not let 4 years pass by without finding a resolution. Four years that neither Adam nor his mother will ever get back. I am wondering if anyone in Qatar has bothered to ask young Adam whether he prefers his father's money and family who have connived and tricked his mother into separating him from her or to relinquish his right to that money (since that is most likely what they are really after) in order to sleep once again in his own bed with his own family around him? Chances are they will never ask him nor care for his response if they do and yet they must also be blind to the fact that he will not be a minor forever and eventually when he comes of age he will be free to go where and with whom he pleases. Time will tell whether his father's Qatari family really do have his best interest at heart or whether they will let him leave when he is of age and not bother to keep in touch after that. It is my experience and those of other women that once the native father (or his family) loses (either custody, children come of age, want nothing to do with him etc.) then neither he nor his family are interested in what becomes of those children they once so ardently fought for. As much as I hope that Adam's mother does get her hearts desire and Adam is returned to her sooner rather than later, I am convinced that only time and Adam's age will be the telling clue as to that family's true intentions with him and I truly hope that all the lies and disinformation that Adam is most assuredly being fed do not take their toll on his young mind and convince him that his mother willingly surrendered him to those people for the young are so easily mislead from the truth with false smiles, fake hugs, and confidently spoken words with god interspersed throughout.

Stay strong, young Adam. From one mother who nearly lost her children to the unjust actions of the Sharia Court here in Bahrain to another suffering the same fate in Qatar, I can honestly tell you that your mother is fighting for your life with every muscle and breath in her body. That is what mothers do.

Lee Ann Fleetwood

Is There a Trevor in Your Life?

I love spending time on Ellen Degenerous's offical website (http//:ellen.warnerbros.com/ ) because, not only are the video's of her show and things she has done so funny, she also puts things on there worth watching that aren't always so funny but very important. ( I might add that I have been clicking away on her tickets calender for a year now and no luck...always full or I'm doing it wrong. Hey Ellen, could you hook a girl up pleeeeeese?)



A lot of people who "know" her have heard her speak out against bullying and she has admitted that of course she suffered that as well when she came out as a lesbian in Hollywood just when she was becoming well known and famous. She says she was shut down and nobody wanted to touch her after that. She suffered adult bullying and I happen to know personally that it hurts no matter what your age is.



She showed them though and came back bigger and better than ever. In your face Hollywood!!!



However, dealing with this bullying when you are young can be life altering...even life ending. You are made to feel different, or when people perceive you as different, their "normal" reaction is to isolate you even more. To ostracize you and make you feel that your difference is somehow your fault, your problem, your defect. You must deal with it alone, or change and become "one of them" in order to be accepted.



For a young person this forced change can be the beginning of the end for how they perceive themselves. When you are different (as judged by society) everything else connected with you appears "off" or nuanced into suggestive meanings. Your every step, word, or thought is made to feel skewed or somehow shameful. Your not "normal" and boy don't the bullies let you know it.



On Ellen's website she has a short film called Trevor(for some reason my copy paste abilities are suffering today, but you can find the film on her website or Google of course). This is a film about a teenage boy just coming to learn that he is possibly gay and the repercussions he suffers because of it; both from this parents and society (school mostly). It's poignant because throughout Trevor tells himself that he "looks normal" and "feels normal" but apparently everyone else can see something different about him that he can't see himself, otherwise why would they treat him as they do?



The film is almost lighthearted in it's acting but the message is strong and in your face. Not everyone is "like you" and who are you to demand that of anyone anyways. Why demand people be "normal" because what does normal mean anyhow? Normal to you (any you) means to bully people into changing themselves to suit you and make you happy. So is bullying a characteristic of "normal"?



When you look in the mirror do you see "normal" or is there always something about you that you would change, and are these changes possible; like losing weight or cutting your hair, or something impossible like changing the color of your eyes....or your sexuality? It seems bullies, both adult and children, demand we change things about ourselves to please them in some way.



If you are gay, change that because I am not gay and everyone should be like me. You might not be gay, but you're a homophobic hateful bully with a black heart that cannot accept people for who they are without taking it personal and wanting to force them to change. Why should I be like you...are you normal?



I loved this short film because it says so much in such a short time. The message is direct and easy to understand; not everyone is the same and what a better place the world is because of it. We are not all cookie cutter personalities with desires and dreams that match...what a boring world it would be if it were.



For those of you who point a finger at those of us who aren't normal (and yes I include myself because...really...there isn't too much normal about me. I'm fucked up in so many ways you don't even know), when you look in the mirror are you completely satisfied with the person looking back at you...or is there something...just a little something, you would change to better suit your idea, or societies idea, of what constitutes "normal"?



Nobody is perfect, we all have our flaws, but when you look at me (any me) with my short body, red hair, long spindly legs, stutter, freckles, pudgy belly, gangly walk, non stop tick, bad teeth and bad skin, green eyes, blue eyes, brown eyes...my sexuality... when you look at me and don't like what you see and decide you have the right to point it out and demand I change it....let me ask you this....why should I?



Do you stay awake at night unable to sleep because I wear clothes that offend you, because I have thoughts that offend you, because I dance, talk, laugh, sit, eat or do nothing at all and that still somehow offends you, or is it because I found love, the hardest of all emotions to find, keep, and cherish, with someone you don't agree with...and you find that the biggest offense of all. Why are you losing sleep over this...why are you shaking your head, clenching your fists and feeling a sense of revulsion at my happiness and gratitude that I. Found. Love.?



Why are you standing there feeling superior that you are hetero that you are "normal" and that you are doing God's work by sending me and my "type" to hell simply because I love? God created me with the ability to love...He did not create me with the ability to choose whom I love. Why should I be punished for His omission?



When we are young our parents tell us...one day you will grow up and find someone to love and who loves you. What they don't tell us is that society must first agree with our choice because society has a say in who we love...even though we ourselves have absolutely NO say in who we fall in love with. Is loving someone something we choose? Can we point at a person and say..."hey, I think I will make myself fall in love with you today"....can hetero's do that? I'm guessing they can because they seem to assume gay people can do that too.



I cannot stand people who bully, people who judge, people who spend so much time up on their "holier than thou" soapbox that they can't live among the rest of us.... without looking down.



Must we always find reasons to look down on people...why not find reasons to look up to them instead? I find that the kind of normal everyone should strive for. The world is in the fucked up condition it is today because we spend so much time looking for differences in each other that we miss all the similarities.



Speak out against bullies...even if you don't like something you see in others...neither you nor anyone else has the right to demand they change it. Even if you use God as your "excuse"...just turn a blind eye to someones "defect", to their gayness, just like you turn a blind eye and keep silent about so many other "un-religious" actions so many of your faith engage in. Just add this one to that list...won't ya?

Or does that whole...live and let live thing ... just pertain to YOU and your "lifestyle choices"?

Where's a cop when you CALL one?

Working in this store has given me the opportunity to meet and get to know quite a variety of different people. Some are familiar favorites that I look forward to seeing each night and wonder where they are when I don't. Others are those that drop in once a week and spend a few minutes catching up. All in all MOST of the people that come through the store are regulars for the most part...with the few exceptions...those that are travelling through and stopping to freshen and gas up...and those that have come to specifically to rob the store.

Last night 3 such people showed up at the store while I was there alone.

In life we are all afraid of something. If it be heights, sharks, spiders, or elevators..whatever it is we are affected the same way. Fear takes over and coherent thoughts vanish. Somethings you don't even know your afraid until your faced with it. Last night I was faced with the very real fear that my children could be left orphans...without even one parent to care for them and love them and be there for them. Last night I was forced to face the fact that Tomorrow Is Promised To No One.

In the 6 months Ive been working in this store Ive had to deal with a few customers that got my radar going and heartbeat skipping just a little more than usual. Not for anything he did specifically to ME, just the way he (so far its always been a he) acted while moving about the store etc. Up until last night all those fears were groundless and the shift continued without incident. Last night fleeting thoughts of whether or not I was going to be able to finish my shift and go home to my kids skittered through my mind as I faced these 3 men who had come to impact my life in ways they apparently could careless about. During that 20 min they were in the store...my heart thundered so hard in my chest I felt it would actually burst out of it...my throat closed up so that I was unable to swallow..if there had been any spit to swallow...and my mind was a blur of thoughts skating across the surface of my fear like lightening bugs...quick and hot.

I don't want to go into too much detail about what went on simply because it still freaks me out to think about it...suffice to say...I don't wish to repeat the experience under any circumstances. When I finally got the chance to call the police I felt help was close at hand and that helped calm me down and let me focus on what I was telling the dispatcher...details of them and the car etc...so when they ran out the door the relief I felt very nearly caused me to collapse. I guess that was when I let out the breath I had been seemingly holding forever.

NOW, imagine my surprise and eventual anger at the fact that the cops NEVER showed up. Nope. Spent the rest of the shift looking over my shoulder, expecting the worst and waiting anxiously for the cops to show up. Never happened.

Serve and Protect my ass.

IF that wasn't the bad enough people...check this out. THOSE SAME 3 MEN CAME BACK TO THE STORE TONIGHT TO ROB IT AGAIN!!!

I know right. How lucky am I??? *sigh*

This time I didn't waste time calling the police. This time they actually came. This time the men were caught down the street and arrested. This time my heart took less time to slow down and anger took its place.

The simple fact people is that I could have died last night. Cops didn't come so I could have lain on the floor until some customer came or the morning shift showed up. I could have lain there while my kids waited for me at home wondering where I was. I could have...but I didn't.

Tonight had a better outcome by far but I still felt fear....and for that I'm so damn pissed off I cant even think straight. I'm so sick to death of people coming into my life intent on hurting me in some way. Some of those people were supposed to love me..some of those people hated me...and now some of those people don't even know me and couldn't care less how they affected my life at all but were quite happy to do so anyways.

I'm so angry. I feel so helpless. I want to hurt something back. I want to scream and cry and break things into lots of pieces. I want to rage at everything...and nothing.

I'm so angry. On top of the anger Ive been living with this past few years..this could be my undoing people. When does the shit end for gods sake? Is is possible to live your life as well as you can, doing the best you can, without a man (or 3) coming along to fuck you up in some way?

Is it?

Jimmy Carter...a voice of reason

In my search for some information on another topic I came across this by Jimmy Carter regarding men using religious speak to subjugate and oppress women...then declare that God orders it to be so. Its an interesting read and I advise others to give it a look.


"This view that women are somehow inferior to men is not restricted to one religion or belief. It is widespread. Women are prevented from playing a full and equal role in many faiths."


He speaks from a Christian perspective but of course you can insert any religion, including Islam, into the space and have the same result.


"Nor, tragically, does its influence stop at the walls of the church, mosque, synagogue or temple. This discrimination, unjustifiably attributed to a Higher Authority, has provided a reason or excuse for the deprivation of women's equal rights across the world for centuries. The male interpretations of religious texts and the way they interact with, and reinforce, traditional practices justify some of the most pervasive, persistent, flagrant and damaging examples of human rights abuses."


http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/jul/12/jimmy-carter-womens-rights-equality


In case anyone hasnt figured it out yet...I havent a clue how to make a link...tried tried and tried again...no luck. I apologize for my ineptitude in all things bloggy.

The Injustice of Telling the Truth

Some of you may remember my post about my friend, Maryam alSherooqi, who is facing up to 7 years in jail for an article she wrote in one of our local papers, Al Wasat, concerning discrimination in Bahrains Civil Department. That post is here http://coolred38.blogspot.com/2009/02/does-telling-truth-require-apology.html

She has been to court several times and so far nothing has been decided...good news or bad Im not sure.

Anyhow, I couldnt help but feel even more pissed off about her whole case while I was perusing yesterdays other local paper, the Gulf Daily News. I came across a little snippet of news that is not shown on the website so I cant link to it...but anyone can check yesterdays paper if they want to read it.

It appears that while lecturing a college class on history etc last year, an American teacher "blasphemied" the Prophet by attempting to draw his likeness on the chalkboard. Apparently one of her Bahraini female students took exception to this and reported her to the proper authorities. I remember hearing about this teacher sometime last year but didnt really look into it. A lot of the time they just peter out and nothing ever comes of it.

The little snippet of news in the paper happened to mention that this teacher was found guilty and was fined and jailed for 6 months...and then will be deported.

So let me get this straight...."blasphemy" the Prophet you get 6 months in jail and a fine plus deportation. "Blasphemy" Bahrains Civil Department you get harassed by govt officials...threatened with loss of job...your salary is with held with no explanation given...your reputation is shredded by under the table sabotage and innuendo...and your faced with 7 years of jail in a case in which you have not broken any laws, called anyone a liar. or lied in general?

Now I dont believe the teacher who supposedly disrespected the Prophet deserved any punishment merely for drawing a sketch of him on a chalkboard for whatever reason...a simple word of caution by that female student...or any other student should have sufficed....but NOOOO Muslims have to be extreme when it comes to religion...but I also dont get the chasm of injustice being clearly shown here. Are we to assume the Civil Department and those who head it are on a higher footing and deserve more respect etc than the Prophet? Are we to assume that the punishment meted out to individuals who "cause trouble" to the Civil Department and those who head it should be enforced to the fullest extent of the law...but those that blasphemy the Prophet are dealt with leniently?

Should we assume that Bahrain authorities are quite happy to sit by and let a Bahraini Muslim woman, who had a solid reputation, deep respect from her community, and clearly has not broken any law what so ever.. be sent to jail merely for pointing out discrimination at the Civil Department...thus destroying her family life, her career, and her future prospects all because the head of the Civil Department didnt like something he read...but knows to be true?

One question. The MP's of Bahrain have made a mockery of Bahrains reputation as a tolerant and welcoming country. People are talking about leaving Bahrain because it no longer is the quiet oasis in the gulf it was known as before. How many more people will leave, Bahrainis included, once its made clear that jail is awaiting anyone that dares say a word against Ministry heads or anyone else that has a position of power?

I realize jail has always awaited those people who dared speak out...but at least it was hidden just a little bit better before...now theres not even a semblance of attempt at keeping this injustice a secret.

How nice for Bahrain and all its inhabitants.

I hope justice will be served for Maryam al Sherooqi...telling the truth is incumbent upon all of us...even if its against ourselves and our families...last I heard Bahrain considered itself a Muslim country....I guess that only applies in regards to the fact that we have mosques and women wear abayas and hijab. Sweet!!