Games we played in the dark...

One of the fun games my sisters and I use to play when we were young was hide and seek in the dark. There were periods of time in which both of our parents would be gone at night and we would have the house to ourselves...with strict instructions not to go outside or let anyone in. Despite the danger of getting caught either going outside or allowing friends inside...we often did both. There is something about living dangerously...hmmm. At any rate playing hide and seek in the darkness of our trailer was one of our favorite past times.

Of course it had to be at night to get full on darkness in the house and the opportunities to play didn't come often as we weren't left alone at night too much....but whenever we found out that both parents would be gone that night my sisters and I would start glancing at each other with gleeful little smiles on our faces knowing fun was about to be had by all.

No sooner had both parents left and judged to be truly gone and not coming back that we would start switching off lights and laying down the ground rules. ALL lights would be off...we wanted it to be as dark as possible to get the full scary affect. The dim light that would come from outside through the cracks in the curtains etc just added creepy affects that perfectly set the mood. We considered the kitchen home base simply because it was at the head of the trailer...the rest of the trailer was a free for all.

At some point one of us would look outside and see if any of the neighbor kids were out after dark...being a small town small trailer park, playing outside at night was a common enough sight. Since kids weren't often invited in our house they seemed to find the opportunity to get inside somewhat of an adventure and would brag later about having seen the inside of our house. I always found this rather amusing considering I tried as much as possible to get out of my house. Once all players were assembled (either just us or those who joined us) the game would commence.

Now the rules were simple...go hide somewhere and when the chance to run for home came up...go for it. Simple right? However, being in near complete darkness gave it an added twist...an element of scariness that just heightened the intensity and squeals of fright were often heard coming from some corner of the trailer...along with giggles that sounded almost hysterical. We loved scaring the hell out of ourselves...ironic considering we spent nearly all our lives being scared for some reason or another thanks to father.

Since we lived in a trailer, finding places to hide wasn't very easy...it being almost completely dark meant that at times you could be right out in the open and still not be seen if you played it right. Often times my sister or friend would creep right in front of me and have no idea I was there...often times I would have no idea they were there and would suddenly be faced with the image of a shape a mere few inches in front of me. It was all I could do not to scream...or sometimes I did and the gig was up and hysterical laughter and fast beating hearts was our reward for being caught.

Of course crashing into something in the dark was always a danger...and given that if we broke anything the punishment would be swift and severe was always in the back of our minds. Also, we couldn't very well blame the breakage on a friend that wasn't supposed to be in the house anyhow...so we knew we would have to fess up to anything that got broke. For some reason it only added to the drama, fun and sense of danger.

Then there was the very real danger of my parents coming home...I doubt my mother would have been too upset about it but my father would have gone ballistic and the fallout would have been painful and potentially dangerous...yet still we played. I couldn't begin to tell you today why we took these chances knowing full well the potential for further abuse if caught. I sometimes think that because our lives were full of pain and fear anyhow...we took what fun we could when we could and to hell with the consequences.

At any rate, most of the time the game was full of screams and laughter and we would play an hour or two then flip the lights back on and send everyone home...then hurriedly clean up the mess and set the house back to near perfection again. We always seemed to instinctively know when to call it a night and get everyone out before car lights flashed in the driveway but there were a few very close calls that had us sweating and sitting "innocently" on the couch barely catching out breath after quickly putting the last few items into place while a key was being inserted in the front door. Yeah...it was pretty damn close a few times.

During these games in the dark we had some moments of drama, fights would break out when someone stepped on someone they didn't see or someone hiding near someone else coughed or breathed too hard and gave the seeker a heads up...crashing into someone who was running in the dark was a give in and there were a few bloody noses or banged heads with some tears and broken friendships that were repaired before the night was over. Kids will be kids. However, there were also a few events that happened that, to this day, remain clear in my mind and yet go unexplained. Call it creative imagination...scene setting allowing for the mind to wander where it will...or call it real..but these things did happen and not only did they scare the hell out of us even more (those of us that were witness to said events) but never even stopped us in our tracks to continue on with the game...or maybe just added to it in some crazy "we love being scared" way.

Our trailer was designed much like many trailers. We had our kitchen at the head of the trailer then the living room...then a long hallway leading off the living room which had our bedroom at the beginning of the hall and further down the main bathroom and our parent's room at the very end of the trailer. At the beginning of the hall (just before our bedroom) was a closet that had the water heater in it and that was all. In all the years we lived in that trailer I can't remember that door being opened very often. It was just there and I never really gave it much thought.

One night during one of our games I was It and everyone else had scattered in the dark to hide. our kitchen had two small stairs leading up to it and I was sitting on those as I counted out loud and stared off into the darkness. I could here giggles and bumps and things being knocked over as everyone scrambled for a hiding spot...I knew my trailer so well I could almost always picture where they were and where they had chosen to hide...but let them sit and simmer with anticipation as I creeped back and forth pretending not to know they were there before snaking out a hand and grabbing them for maximum scare. Fun times.

Anyhow, I was sitting there counting and suddenly there was a strange glow coming from the hall way. I at first thought someone had switched on a light or maybe a flashlight but realized the light was contained...as in it was bright only right there where it was...the light didn't extend beyond a sort of circle. I always think of Tinker Bell when I remember it because she always had that glow about her that didn't seem to light up anything but the space right around her.

I stopped counting and just sat there watching the light...trying to figure out what the heck it was and why it looked sort of yellowy and old. I suddenly realized someone was standing in the light, a girl who appeared to be around 8 or 9 years of age. I might have thought it was one of our friends except that she was wearing a dress and I knew none of us were wearing a dress that night and certainly not one like she was wearing. If I had to describe it today I would use "quaint" and "modest"...words I didn't know then. (I was around 9 myself then) It had long sleeves and bows here and there. She wore stockings and black shoes that also had bows on them. Her hair was long and curly and reminded me of pics of Alice in Wonderland that I had seen before. I wouldn't have been able to tell you then but I can now that she looked like a girl from Little House on the Prairie...that style of dress and hair etc when they were dressed for church or something special.

I remember not being scared exactly but really confused because I couldn't figure out where she came from...how she got in the house...who invited her....and why in the heck she had that awful yellow glow of light around her. I also realized it had gotten really REALLY quiet. I couldn't hear the others out in the dark with their constant giggles and shouts as someone tried to hide where there was already a hider. It was completely silent except for my own breathing.

The little girl was looking at nothing in particular but then turned her head and looked at me and smiled this pretty little smile that I can clearly see to this day. It was the smile of someone that had never known sadness, abuse, adversity...at least to my young mind that is the thought that went through my head...though I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to explain why I got that impression from her smile alone. She spoke to me, at least I seen her lips moving but no sound came from her mouth, and then took two steps and appeared to walk into the water heater closet. After a moment I crossed the living room and stood at the closet door looking at it. In order for her to have entered the closet she would have had to open the door obviously...and in the dark I might not have noticed the door open...except that even if she did that there was nowhere in the closet for her to be. The water heater took up the entire space...it was a mere couple of inches from the door and the walls around it. No space at all for a girl to stand in...especially with the door closed.

I stood there a moment trying to make sense of this confusing set up....before reaching across and opening the door...still expecting her to somehow be in there and ready to be scared as she jumped out and said BOO or something in keeping with the game. My mind had not accepted any possibility other than she was just a kid I didn't recognize that had somehow been invited to play with us. Of course when I opened the door there was just the water heater and nothing else.

As I have mentioned before in previous posts (for those that care) I was a very smart kid back then (alas age has robbed me of natural smartness...lol) and devoured books way over my age category....passed classes with little to no effort...had skipped a grade and been given the chance to skip another but mom refused and was doing complicated Algebra 3 grades higher than my current grade. I was smart...yet couldn't make 2 + 2 = 4 for the first time in my life. This wasn't making sense and I was standing there demanding that my brain make sense of something it didn't have a clue about. Apparently I stood there long enough looking into that empty water closet for others to get tired of waiting to be found and one by one they all came out to complain...only to see me standing there staring into the closet and joking that nobody could fit in there so what the heck was I doing looking in there?

I didn't feel like playing anymore and just sat on the couch in the dark while others shrieked and ran about until my older sis called it quits and turned on the lights and sent them home. I never told her what I had seen because I had already come to the conclusion that I must have been imagining the whole thing....yet funny enough a few years later my older sis and I were talking about when we use to play that game as kids...and I mentioned seeing that little girl (rather sheepishly assuming she would tease me as always) but was completely floored when older sis told me she had seen her too...but at a different time. She hadn't told anyone either but we both described her just the same.

We sat looking at each other trying to make our brains come to the conclusion that we must have seen a ghost...what other explanation would suffice? It was the only time in the years we lived in that trailer that I saw that little girl...and my sister said she only saw her once as well....so I find that equally strange. If she lived in our trailer (was she killed in there, died in her childhood???....I hear that ghost haunt where they die...but our trailer obviously wasn't old enough to have a ghost from another century according to her clothing...but we did live in Superior at the time...maybe the ground our trailer was on was haunted???) how come we only saw her just two times (as far as I know nobody else ever saw her)?

Has anyone else ever felt they seen a ghost? Do you believe in them to see them in the first place? Did you ever see something that didn't make sense and just assumed there must be an explanation...even if you couldn't come up with one?

Years later when I had my own children I told them about our hide and seek in the dark game and of course they wanted to play it too....we lived in a big house in Hamad Town back then... 2 floors and lots of hiding places. However, my kids could never have it completely dark...they needed at least a bathroom light on with the door pulled almost shut...hmmm. Lots of fun for them...and they still play to this day (just played it the other night) though an apartment has very little to offer as far as hiding spots. It was more fun for them I think because of the ridiculousness of trying to hide in places that were too small or too obvious. (my daughter at one point sat on the floor and held a floor length mirror in front of her....and the seeker just kept walking back and forth totally not seeing her...lol).

Good times.

Of course a few really funny (sort of) thoughts come to mind as well. We owned a coon dog at one point whose name was Rosy. Rosy had a horrible little gas problem that made it impossible to enjoy her company for any length of time on a good day. During one night of hide and seek she was in the house with us (another no no) and decided to hide in the bedroom closet along with me and little sis. Older sis was It at the time and happened to be searching for us in the room at about the time Rosy decided to grace us with a full on assualt of her smelly offerings. We basically exploded from the closet unable to take one more second of the noxious gas that was suffocating us...and in the process nearly scared older sis into a heartattack with our sudden screaming emergence. Rosy had the audacity to emerge looking completely innocent of any crime.

Another incident involved one of our friends deciding it was a good time to go to the bathroom...in the dark...while the game was in progress. Needless to say...good thing it was fairly dark when someone crashed into her...spilling her off the toilet seat...and of course pants were down etc. We only got the faintest outline of her hastily pulling up her pants but her flushed faced fairly glowed in the dark...lol.

"Drown" the Alligator

Summer has finally reached us here in Wyoming (though we still consider blizzards out of nowhere still possible) and so my kids are off for some swimming fun. While talking to them and reminding them about safety (they know how to swim of course) I was reminded of some of my own swimming memories as a kid. Some good...and some not so good.



I was born in California and spent a lot of time at the ocean side with family. I remember that my grandad had a houseboat. One of those flat bottom things that had a square structure on it that resembled a house of sorts. He took us on it a few times and one particular time really stands out in my memories.



Though I had learned to swim at a very early age I had done all that swimming within the safe confines of a swimming pool. Up to that point swimming in the ocean had never crossed my mind as an option...it was simply to big...too vast. No sides to grab onto when I tired or a diving board to kamikaze off of. I loved being on his boat because I was with him, for one, and we could watch fish etc swimming or jumping out of the water. The sun shines forever in CA and a day on the boat with grandad was a day not inside the house with the Monster.



Once while out on the boat, hindsight tells me grandad and my uncle may have been slightly drunk...not a rare thing there...I wondered out loud what it would be like to swim in the ocean as I gazed over the rails into the deep dark murky waters. No sooner had I uttered the words when suddenly I felt hands grab me, raise me up high...and sling me over the side. Where one moment I was safely on the boat looking in...now I was suddenly underwater looking up at the blurry structure of the boat and several equally blurry human shapes looking down at me.



My breath was gone, all my swimming skills deserted me...all I could think of at that moment was the vast bottomless ocean under my feet...along with whatever lurked down there. I was in a panic and felt powerless as I began to sink more.



More than likely only seconds passed but it felt like a lifetime when suddenly there was a form next to me in the water and I was grabbed and hauled back up to the surface where that first lungful of air never tasted so good. I rose out of the water to the sounds of hysterical laughter from all on board. Everyone apparently thought my little journey into the ocean was all sorts of entertaining...everyone but me. I grabbed a towel and went to sulk for hours...all the joy drained out of the day for me.



Of course I never told my mother for fear she wouldn't let me go out with grandad again (it wasn't the first time he endangered one of our lives through good natured fun) but I also never went with him on the houseboat again. To this day I'm not sure who actually threw me in the water but I wasn't taking any more chances.



Another incident in junior high comes to mind as well. During swimming class in the 8th grade we use to play this game called Alligator. While most of the students lay down on their bellies along the sides of the pool...4 or 5 students would get in the water at the shallow end and make their way down to the edge of the deep end. The point of the game was to not make any sounds what so ever...no splashes...nothing. As soon as someone made a sound...all the "alligators" came in the water to tag the swimmers...once tagged you were out. If you made it to the end without being tagged (even after alligators came in) you won.



Now of course there would be good swimmers...bad swimmers...and those that hated the whole thing and didn't really care if they made noise thus ending the game as soon as possible. During one of my turns with a couple other students...I had made it to the midpoint of the pool where the bottom drops off into the deep end. I could no longer touch the bottom with my feet...so did what everyone did at this point...I went under to swim the remaining distance underwater and thus make no noise at all. Of course this only works if nobody behind you makes noise as well prompting the alligators to enter the water.



Of course someone did make noise and in came the alligators...since I was already underwater I wasn't immediately aware that the gig was up and thus try to get to the end as quickly as possible. Suddenly I found myself surrounded by alligators that were not happy just to tag me...but seemed to find it necessary to push me further down in the water. As each knew hand tagged/pushed me...my time spent underwater was getting longer and longer. I felt a sense of panic settle in as I realized I couldn't hold my breath much longer...and simply rising to the surface to get some air appeared impossible with all the hands keeping me down.



Just as I felt my ears would burst along with my lungs...I dimly heard a whistle blow and suddenly all the hands were gone. I was free to get to the surface and suck in some much needed air. I was still in the middle of the deep end tho and really had to struggle with what strength I had left to make it to the side. I was utterly exhausted and took many minutes before I could drag my sorry butt out of the water. At this point our teacher finally noticed me and became concerned. As I gasped out what had happened...he helped me out and made sure I was OK...but we never played that game again that I recall. Good.





And of course there is the incident in Bahrain in which two of my children and myself nearly drowned as I attempted to rescue them from a trench dug into the beach a few feet into the water....that one is hands down my scariest water moment...probably because my children were involved as well.



http://coolred38.blogspot.com/2009/04/surrounded-by-waterbut-still-cant-swim.html


Of course there are a few more humorous moments, though at the time I might not have thought so. During one trip to the pool when my kids were young in which we visited the recreational center....the pool area had three pools. One for older more experienced swimmers...a smaller more shallow pool for waders etc ...and then a hot pool of sorts...just to sit in and relax. The hot pool had steps leading down into it and I happened to be standing next to those steps at the time. I wasn't swimming ...just watching my kids have fun. Next to me was my son Zack, who was around 4 at the time.

At one point I looked down at Zack to check on him and he was nowhere to be seen. I quickly scanned the area but didn't see him. Just when I was about to really panic I happened to glance down at the stairs leading into the hot pool...and there was Zack...at the bottom of the steps, underwater, with his hands spread out straight...just standing there underwater. I quickly stepped in and grabbed him and hauled him up. As I checked him over and made sure he was OK...asking him what he was doing down there..he was laughing (the stinker was laughing while my heart was pounding)...he wasn't in there long enough to realize the danger...and so was enjoying just standing underwater watching people's legs etc. Ahhh kids. They do make us old.

My oldest daughter, Sara, use to love going to the beach when very young. Her grandad would take her and her brother, Adam, down to his boat every weekend and they would spend hours there...baking in the sun...turning nut brown...while he tinkered on his boat. When I took them to the beach she never hesitated to just run into the water and have fun...until...during one trip to the beach the tide quickly went out leaving the beach itself exposed while they were still out quite a distance. (sometimes you would have to go out quite aways to find water deep enough to actually do more than wade in) This meant they had to walk back through extremely sticky foot sucking mud.

Now this wasn't the problem because we all know that most kids have no problem with a little mud...the problem was that now the crabs...that are inside their holes when the tide is in...are now free to come out. Sara loved eating crabs...up until that point...crabs are a main staple of Bahraini food...but to have her "lunch" suddenly surrounding her...looking ominous and threatening...was too much for her. She was absolutely petrified...frozen solid unable to move. I was shouting at her to just ignore them and come on in...I couldn't go to her because I had my youngest with me laying on a blanket. Her siblings tried to encourage her as well but she wasn't having it. She screamed every time one of them so much as glanced her way. Of course the longer she stood in one place...the deeper she sank in the mud...requiring her to keep shuffling to keep herself from sinking too deep. (no real fear here as there is firmer ground under the mud after a certain point...but she wasn't aware of that)

Eventually, as the sun went down...as her siblings grew tired of trying to help her...as my threats to leave her there lost all meaning to her...she eventually dug deep for courage and made her way back to the beach...one screaming step at a time. I tried not to laugh (it's hard to be a parent sometimes...seriously) as she made her way back. Of course I would have been in there like a shot if I thought she was in any real danger...but I have always tried to allow my kids to over come fears...rather than rescue them every time from them...if possible. So I let her work it out herself...and she did...eventually.

To this day she has never eaten another crab...no longer finds as much joy at the beach as she once did. She will still go but scans the whole area before taking tentative steps towards the water...and hauls ass out as soon as the tide turns and makes its way out again. Poor baby.

It is official...I am old. Let the crying begin. 3...2...1...

My youngest son turned 13 yesterday. I no longer have babies in my house. I am sad.

That is all.

Transitions and a mother's heart

From the moment of our conception we start experiencing transitions from one phase of life to another. We transition from the womb to life on the outside; from childhood to adulthood and then to old age, from good health to bad health and the list goes on. For every transition we experience we learn something new about ourselves. As youngsters we covet being older, but then when we are older we pine for our youth. When we are in good health we try to not think about the "what if's" of bad health and then when we do fall ill we look back and play the "if only" game. If only I had taken better care of myself. Transitions are sometimes slow and barely noticeable and others are lightning fast and leave one out of breath and trying to make sense of what just happened. We don't always see them coming. We might even think we are prepared for one when it does happen but find out later we had no clue. Somethings just can't be prepared for.

I have experienced many transitions in my life, too many to mention here, but suffice to say this latest one is really hitting me where it hurts. I am, what is referred to as a non-traditional student; an older adult who has returned to or is attending college for the first time after a long period of time away from an educational institution. For the past year I have been juggling various roles that I must "play" in order to fulfill my dream to have a degree and better my life. I have been a full time employee at night, a full time college student during the day, and a full time mother for 23 years. Somewhere in there I find some time to sleep, I think. It has been hectic and stressful and some days I wonder what I'm giving myself all this grief for, on purpose. I've heard various rumors that it will eventually be worth it. Right now it's still too early to tell.

All of this stress has been compounded by the fact that my own children are reaching an age where they are looking to the horizon and wondering what's on the other side. I have heard about the "empty-nest" transition but nothing has prepared me for the truly empty feeling that results as one by one my chicks try their wings and head for the sun. The fact that those maternal strings seem so easily cut after all the pain I have gladly suffered to keep them tied securely leaves me feeling lost and somewhat useless. I'm sure that many of the students attending college now are experiencing this new transition of being away from home for the first time. Many of you probably looked forward to this new phase in your life and thus packed your bags and closed the door behind you without thinking too hard about the consequences; about the ones you left behind. Every new phase in your life leaves a ripple affect and those around you feel it in their own way.

It is the cycle of life that a mother nurtures and cares for her children and prepares them for the big world outside her heart. She does what she can to ensure they have the skills they need and at least a basic understanding of how the world works. She tries to teach them people don't always play nice and being hurt is going to happen. Then she teaches them how to deal with that hurt. She spends every waking moment of her life trying to improve the lives of her children and giving them a safe haven from the world and all it's dangers. She does this without thought of reward or the losses she has endured in order for them to prosper. Then suddenly she looks around and finds that her nest is empty (nearly) and all that she has left are the echoing voices of her children in every room of the house and the always present pain of being a mother in her heart.

If you are somebody's child, and you know you are, stop and think for a moment about how your latest transition may have affected those closest to you. As you face each new challenge and reach for the future with open arms...take a moment to think about the two open arms that are now empty waiting patiently for you to remember her and come back and fill them again. She would never stop you from living your life but she still wants to be a part of it.

Have you called your mother today? Have you given her a hug lately (if you can)? Have you stopped to think of her knowing full well that she has never stopped thinking of you? Transitions are never easy for those concerned but a heartfelt call home or an unexpected hug certainly soothes an aching heart.

People tell me there is a light at the end of this paricular tunnel. That may well be true but for now, it's still pitch black.

Totally off the wall post...but I've got a question....

I was having a conversation with some friends recently and one thing led to another as conversations tend to do and the "things our parents did when we were young" came up. We entertained each other with the totally oddball behavior one or the other of our parents did or the things they subjected us too etc. Nice to know I didn't have the only set of crazy parents out there...but that's not the point of this post. In the middle of all this joking and laughter I threw out something my dad did and incidentally my ex also engaged in that behavior...something of which I could never understand and never liked...anyhow.

Both of them traipsed around the house in their underwear. In front of us...the kids. (father with me and my siblings, and ex with our children)...and even sometimes when a rare friend came over...they got the wonderful vision of father/ex in his underwear too...though in this regard my ex might have restrained a little more.

Soon as I threw that into the conversation they all stopped laughing and just looked at me and simultaneously said...ewwwwww!!! Apparently none of their fathers/husbands ever did that. Go figure.

Anyhow, question for you people...did any of your dads/fathers walk around in their underwear in front of you, the kids, the neighbors etc? Or is that another characteristic of the sort of men I spent my life around? Fun!

Just wondering if there is some sort of pattern in there...

College Class Update

I've started my second semester of college after a very hectic first semester. It took me awhile to find my groove that first semester; find time for work, homework and family. As I said...HECTIC!!

Anyhow, just to wave my own flag for a second here, after all that headache, stress and much hair pulling, I did manage to finish the semester on the Deans List. don't ask me how I managed that because I haven't a clue. But still, yay me.

Side note...the only thing that stopped me from finishing with ALL A's was one certain speech teacher that gave me a B in his class. I hate to admit I have serious doubts as to whether I deserved that B. I did flub the first speech (deer in headlights remember...ugh) and got a C but I got A's on the next two and A'ced the the final as well. Sooooo....it makes me think he had other issues with me (possibly my connection to Arabs/Islam that he showed obvious dislike for?), but I don't know for sure so I can't say.

Anyways, new semester new stresses, new likes and dislikes etc. Here's a second week into it run down.

Algebra I & II. This class isn't really a class. It's all done on line with a teacher circulating the class encase anyone needs help. No lectures, no examples on the board with detailed explanations etc. I'm a visual person so this is very hard for me to deal with. I'm finding it difficult to understand the rationale in mixing numbers with letters and calling it math. Ugh! It's even more confusing to me because I use to be an ace at math, a whiz, somewhat of a genius actually. When I was young I could do complicated math problems in my head people! No lie. When I was a mere 6th grader I was placed in 9th grade Algebra, which did nothing to make friends for me. For some reason 9th graders did not take kindly to a puny 6th grader showing them up. I mostly kept silent after realizing that just because I was smart didn't mean I had to show it. (oh the memories) I would have to venture a guess and deduce that my "math muscle" has atrophied due to inactivity and such. In other words, Use It or Lose It! I lost it. *sigh*

Good news is that this class is taught by my previous math teacher so we have a relationship established already. She is a good instructor so I'm confident things will go smooth.

Technical Writing: This class is about learning how to write business correspondence, ads, memos, things meant to be published in other words. So far it comes across as very odd. The instructor gives very strange homework that many of us have concluded makes no sense based on what we were taught in class. He also is a very sedate, methodical instructor. a.k.a. boring. I could fall asleep in the time it takes him to get his point across. Most of the students in this class are the same ones that were in my English Comp class last semester. While that class was Las Vegas with its funny lectures, jokes, and all around feel good atmosphere...this one is like a trip through Mr Rodgers Neighborhood...with Mr Rodgers leading the way. No excitement, no laughter, just information given in slow monotones and glazed eyes and big yawns are prevalent. I don't particularly care for this class at the moment but it's required to full fill our English credit so what can I do. Get it out of the way I guess. *sigh*

Spanish I: I actually love Spanish class despite my struggle learning foreign languages. Arabic definitely did not come easy to me (still struggling with that..ugh) but our instructor is a bubbly, sexy energetic Latino woman and she makes all the difference in how the class runs. It's interesting to note that Spanish and Arabic have very similar grammar rules. It's also a "what you see is what you get" in terms of spelling etc. There are no silent letters in other words. I like the class a lot and hope I can learn sufficient Spanish to converse with my many Spanish speaking customers. However, I noticed that I definitely need to be in class and learn the material first hand. The two days I missed for various reasons could be viewed quite well on our first exam. I did well on the sections I was in class...not so well on the sections I was not in class. I vow to not miss any classes if I can help it. I also noticed that she doesn't spend much time on any given section. The first day we were learning vowel sounds and basic Spanish rules...the next words...and the next we were expected to be reading and reciting whole sentences. Obviously it's going to be a speedy train to the final destination...so got to be there for the whole ride. LOL

Soy optimista!!!

Wyoming Govt & Politics: I have to admit right here and now that I know very little about the American govt system and how it operates and came to be what it is. Other than what I learned in 9th grade govt. class I have little experience with it. My only excuse being that I have been overseas for all of my adult life and busy with other things...ahem. I thought the class would be boring but it's actually quite interesting. Of course this doesn't mean I'm going to find it a breeze or anything but at least I won't be falling asleep in it as I see many other students doing in that big hall while the lights are off and projector on. LOL The instructor is quite dynamic as well so that's helpful. He is making a potential "dry subject" (at least to me) engaging and thought provoking. Also, it's actually two classes; one day a week are a combined class with several lecturers giving their opinions etc about current events or politics etc, which helps keep boredom at bay with every new face etc; and we've got a once a week class with our own specific instructor fine tuning what we heard in the lecture hall...with his own added commentary. So it's interesting and I think I will learn a lot about politics before I'm done. They also aren't afraid to speak of "controversial" issues and let us comment on those subjects too so that's always fun to be able to speak freely with learned people about certain subjects. Right now we are discussing the topic, "what's so great about being an American and is our democratic system any better than what passes for democracy in other countries?". Fun stuff.

College paper: Of course I continued with writing for the school paper. I was also made Assistant Editor this semester as my instructor really likes my writing. She hinted that I will be made Editor sometime in the future if I continue in this vein. I found it funny that I actually don't always get a chance to look at the college paper once it's published and so was actually surprised to see the last one published from last semester had the whole mid section spread dedicated to one of my articles. She never told me she was doing that so had no particular interest in making it a point to see the paper once it came out. I generally tend to write my piece then let her do what she wants with it and leave it at that. I guess as Asst. Editor I may have to change that blase' attitude. LOL

I just want to point out that that particular article was me blathering on about how I feel every American needs to get a passport and leave the bubble that is America and see the rest of the world rather than rely on such things as Fox News and Oprah to fill them in. Most Americans will never leave their hometown, their state, or even their side of the continent and so obviously will never leave America for any reason. This is to our great disadvantage as the world is made up of more than just America and how can we know a people or culture unless we get out there and experience it? Just a thought. Anyhow....

Developmental Psychology: Same instructor as my previous psych class so at least I know her exam style etc (all from her lectures, the text is more of a back up reading sort of thing). She is very interesting and makes this class enjoyable. Psychology is just fascinating to me and I look forward to it. This class focuses on child development from conception to teen years. After having 5 kids and 'seeing it all" so to speak...I'm hoping it won't be too hectic as far as needing to study etc...but who knows. Last semester my first exam in college was one of hers and I completely bombed it. Got a D simply because it had been 25 years since my last exam and over estimated my abilities...what can I say...I use to be a whiz kid...living on past glories obviously doesn't pass exams for you. LOL Got down off that high horse REAL quick and buckled down and learned how to study all over again...or should I say for the first time...LOL. I never actually studied when I was younger...I know...you hate me. Ha ha so do I remembering my cavalier attitude towards studying back then. The ego of youth and all that. Anyhow I like this class and look forward to it.

Well, that's it for now. A little run down for ya. My attitudes about each class may change over time (looking at you Spanish) but for now that's it. Wish me luck.


*side note. My boss moved me from the branch on the other side of town to the one just down the street from me. This means that, not only can my kids come walking down to visit me since during school we don't always get meaningful time together, it also means I don't have to hurry back and forth all the time to make it to work etc. More time to stay at college and get work done etc. Bonus. Down side...these customers are not nearly so interesting as the ones at the other store. *sigh*

A Brand New Year

Dear Coolred,

So it looks like 2010 has snuck up on you when it seems as if 2007 just barely passed. I know what your thinking...its not fair that time is moving so swiftly now where as before it crawled along with a snail like pace...because time has a different sort of quality now then it did before. You know what I mean...no need to explain.

This year is as good as any to set in motion all those dreams you've kept locked away in your head and heart for so long. Don't tell me you don't deserve to realize your dreams Coolred...everyone deserves to experience at least one dream come true. I know I know...finally returning to America must seem like a dream come true after being away for so long. The loneliness and despair can never be forgotten but they can be put to good use...write it all down girl. People love to hear about other peoples sorrows and miseries...doesn't hurt to try and make a buck or two off your "tragedies". Something good must be found in such tragic circumstances to make it all seem worth while. All those tears and frustrations, all that anger and abuse...every single moment in which you felt alone and forgotten...don't worry Coolred....you weren't alone...you weren't forgotten....you were just off the grid for awhile. Welcome back. Also, no need to tell you how cathartic writing has always been to you. I dont understand this reluctance you have shown in writing this story down...its all there in your head girl...it will practically write itself. What are you waiting for seriously?

Remember Coolred that life can be harsh and demanding...life can be corrupt and devious...life can be sneaky and controlling...but life can also be wonderful and glorious...life can be warm and loving...life can be whatever you make of it...so make it worthwhile. Forget the pain and abuse and only remember the love and warmth...it was in there girl...you don't have to look too hard even though I know its not something that comes easy for you at times. Life is love...nothing else matters in the end.

One more thing Coolred...don't let anyone tell you "you cant" anymore. I realize in the past that circumstances meant you literally could not make decisions for yourself...not your fault. You were young and naive and stepped into the black without so much as a flashlight. Took you a long time to find your way out again but you did...you did...in the end that is what matters. You found your way out. Remind yourself Coolred how much patience that took...how much strength that took...how much fortitude and perseverance that took to find your way out after being lost for so long. Tell yourself that Coolred and be proud. Its something worth being proud over...don't fool yourself for a second.

I know...I know...from the inside looking out it just seems like day to day existence...or even moment by moment...but know this...every moment that you endured and got passed...is another moment bringing you closer to the light. Be proud. It was no small feat. And because you did that...YOU DID THAT...nobody can tell you "you cant" anymore....only you can do that girl. Only you.

And please don't tell yourself "you cant" too often...pretty soon your talking yourself out of everything...and that's no life.

One more thing Coolred. Love is hard to come by. We can go our whole lives and not find it...the lucky few who do usually never even realize what they have...until the lose it. Don't lose the love you found Coolred. You can never get something like that back again. Believe me girl if you don't believe anything else...love lost is love gone forever. Between you and me...love should be shown to the world...there's enough hate going round...hate makes the nightly news...hate makes the newspaper headlines...but love...love hardly gets a mention except in a romantic comedy that lasts 2 hours then its over and you go home. I recommend those who love to let the world know it. Why keep love a secret? More on that later...we'll talk.

Oh yes...before I forget. I realize that you have sacrificed a great deal for your children. Since the moment you realized life grew in your belly you have thought of nothing else...made sacrifices that hurt as much as a severed limb...but you made them willingly and without regret. For your children you didn't hesitate to endure...endure...endure...for them no sacrifice was too big....but know this Coolred...children are selfish and have short memories. They are thankless and demanding. They quite often throw our sacrifices back into our faces and throw words at us like...."who asked you too"....or "why didn't you do something sooner"...things like that. Don't worry Coolred...they will understand someday...probably not for a great long while...maybe not even until they have a child of their own...but they will. Your good at being patient girl...you've already proven that...so be patient just a little while longer. But you know they love you anyhow...so whats your hurry?

This is your year Coolred...I can feel it. College is waiting to be conquered. A book is waiting to be written. Life is waiting to be lived...so go live it. And you and I both know you lost something awhile back that you just haven't been able to find no matter how hard you tried. Maybe you shouldn't try so hard girl...sometimes just letting it find you is about the only thing you can do....and sometimes things aren't really lost...they just aren't where we are looking for them. Maybe you just need to stop looking and let it find you. Its an option.

So take it easy Coolred...don't be so hard on yourself if you fail at something. Just pick yourself up and try again. And try and let go of that anger...its destroying you and the one your angry at certainly isn't worth it. And it wouldn't hurt to try and let people like you...being sociable never came hard to you before...just remember what it felt like...and relax. We can never have too many friends...but sometimes we can have too few. Go out and find some friends Coolred. Laughter shared is a good thing.

Take care and be well and don't be afraid to try...the most you will do is fail...but theres always next time. Get back to me in 12 months and tell me how it went. I'm sure you will be amazed at the things you have accomplished. I already am.

Yours truly

Coolred

So many things...so little time!!!

Some of you who sit with bated breath for my next exciting installment of "As Coolred Turns" must be rather blue in the face by now...sorry for the delay but without net in the house anymore its a rather hit and miss affair when I can be online. I get down here to the library when I can but lately its been hectic with a capital H and there just hasn't been much time. Sooooo....I will do another bullet type announcement sort of thing just to catch people up...for those of you who are interested....you can let that breath out now...and relax. LOL



1. Lets see...signed lease on 3 bedroom apartment today. Will move in tomorrow probably. Its not the Ritz but its a place to call home for now until our situation improves...and its improving day by day. We will be moving in with little more than our suitcases which, up till now, have remained unpacked. This apartment has huge closets....so lots of space to hang stuff. (note to self...buy lots of hangers)

2. Oldest daughter found job and son just got news that he got a new job which is much better than the Gamestop job he currently has. Better as in salary wise but, according to him, NOT better exciting wise. Sorry son, paying bills comes before any sort of excitement can be had. That's the law of the jungle. So we are doing OK income wise, OK but always needing improvement...lol. Got an apartment to furnish and seriously need transport.

3. As soon as I move into this apartment I will no longer have use of my friends car...which means my job that was just down the street is now on the other side of town...and I have no way to get to it. Bit of a problem there. Hmmm? The only solution is to ask boss if he will move me from the store location I'm at to the one nearer to my new apartment...that's just a short walk away..doable when you don't have a car. (note to self...catch boss in good mood)

4. Oh yeah...signed up for college. I'm soooo freakin cool. College freshman at 41. Haven't decided just yet what I will study...need to look over the list of possibilities...but journalism definitely gonna be in there somewhere. Need to boost my income potential so something that will help do that obviously...writing is for fun (would be nice if it paid as well but that's another story). First thing I'm going to do is buy me a t-shirt with my college name on it...woohoo!!!...never got to go to college as my father would not pay for it and I did miss that opportunity while in the military. Something Ive always regretted.

5. Kids are settling in nicely. Had school pics done. Something Bahrain never offered which I always missed. Lots of studio pics of course but school pics are nice reminders. My son the senior is helping prepare for grad night for seniors. That is definitely something Bahrain never offered. He is making lots of friends and that is important to me...I'm glad he feels he isn't alone...friend wise that is.

6. My son, the future basketball NBA star, is doing well on his basketball team. He made an awesome steal and full court run before dropping a left handed lay up in without a hitch. All you NBA scouts can start calling from now...

7. I bought a new mobile phone...something you didn't really need to know but I mentioned simply because it has the strangest set of ring tones Ive ever heard already in a phone. Wish you could hear them....makes you scratch your head and say hmmmm?

Anyhow, that's a bit of my update for the moment. For those of you leaving comments..sorry if I dont get back to them right away...hopefully we can get the net in the apartment ASAP now that we are signed up. One can only hope with my computer obsessed teens...and me. LOL

Ever Been Able to Stop Traffic?,,,I Have...

When we all lived in Hamad Town back when the kids were quite young...most of the neighborhood I lived in was empty for the most part. It took quite sometime before the houses started filling up with families etc...which meant that the first year or so we lived there we were pretty much alone much of the time. Which also meant...I spent a lot of time playing with the kids outside as I didn't trust them out alone and I loved playing with them anyways.

I was always one of those moms that played in the park with the kids...kicked the ball around...pushed them on the swings etc. I did this, mind you, in a country in which its considered a no no for women to be doing much of anything outside that can call attention to her. Running after a soccer ball and screaming and laughing with your kids definitely calls attention your way...but I didn't care...I loved playing with my kids.

Need I mention how often complete strangers would hiss at me to "mind my place" so to speak. Not to mention throw out the word "haram" all the time. Yes people, it was haram for me to play with my kids in the park. I was supposed to act like all the other moms and just sit on a blanket stuffing my face, making a mess, and gossiping with the other moms that weren't allowed too (or didn't want too) play with their kids.

Not me. I played.

Anyhow, when we first arrived in Hamad Town it was practically a ghost town. The houses were mostly empty and the area itself was basically bare. No trees, flowers, shrubs, color...all tan...very dead looking. Home sweet home....but...I was actually able to play with my kids outside without too much hassle from the very few neighbors that we had. We had a lot of fun and I pity the women who don't play with their kids when they are young (men too for sure)...you don't know what your missing.

Anyhow, at some point I met a lady that lived 2 round abouts away from us and we became good friends. Trouble was...we didn't have a car at that time so whenever I wanted to visit her I generally had to walk to her house. It took about 40 min probably as the walking was slow with the little ones.

At some point I remembered that I had one of those backpack type things you can carry babies or small children in. I figured we could walk faster if I could carry my littlest one on my back (I didn't have a stroller then) and the 3 older ones could ride their bikes. Started out as a good plan...but my second youngest was just too small to pedal for long...he pooped out quick...so I had to come up with another plan.

AHA!!! I tied a rope around his bike and the other end around my stomach...so now I was basically pulling him along while he pretended to pedal..lol. Off we went. The two older ones on their bikes zooming back and forth...the little one being dragged down the street while waving at strangers like the parade Marshall...and me huffing and puffing with the 50 pound 1 year old on my back...and the 100 pound 3 year old on the bike creating drag.

Or so it seemed at the time.

While I started out all eager and spry...half way there I felt like I was training for a marathon or something. I was gasping and sweating and wondering whose bright idea THIS was?

Oh yeah...mine.

Did I mention the affect we had on the people we passed by? No? Well put is this way. People literally stopped what they were doing to stand and watch this little procession pass by them on the street. I swear I felt like I should have been throwing candy or something the way they were lined up wide eyed and mouths agape.

I suppose we did make quite a sight. I had never seen any woman use a baby backpack type thing in Bahrain before (maybe they did but I had never seen one) and to be doing something like pulling my kid on the bike at the same time...LOL I could only imagine what was going through all those shocked minds.

Gave them something to break up the blandness of the life that was Hamad Town for sure.

It was worth it. We had a great time that day at my friends house. Only trouble was...

I had to walk back home like that too. *sigh* Couldn't walk without pain for a week.