Is There a Trevor in Your Life?

I love spending time on Ellen Degenerous's offical website (http//:ellen.warnerbros.com/ ) because, not only are the video's of her show and things she has done so funny, she also puts things on there worth watching that aren't always so funny but very important. ( I might add that I have been clicking away on her tickets calender for a year now and no luck...always full or I'm doing it wrong. Hey Ellen, could you hook a girl up pleeeeeese?)



A lot of people who "know" her have heard her speak out against bullying and she has admitted that of course she suffered that as well when she came out as a lesbian in Hollywood just when she was becoming well known and famous. She says she was shut down and nobody wanted to touch her after that. She suffered adult bullying and I happen to know personally that it hurts no matter what your age is.



She showed them though and came back bigger and better than ever. In your face Hollywood!!!



However, dealing with this bullying when you are young can be life altering...even life ending. You are made to feel different, or when people perceive you as different, their "normal" reaction is to isolate you even more. To ostracize you and make you feel that your difference is somehow your fault, your problem, your defect. You must deal with it alone, or change and become "one of them" in order to be accepted.



For a young person this forced change can be the beginning of the end for how they perceive themselves. When you are different (as judged by society) everything else connected with you appears "off" or nuanced into suggestive meanings. Your every step, word, or thought is made to feel skewed or somehow shameful. Your not "normal" and boy don't the bullies let you know it.



On Ellen's website she has a short film called Trevor(for some reason my copy paste abilities are suffering today, but you can find the film on her website or Google of course). This is a film about a teenage boy just coming to learn that he is possibly gay and the repercussions he suffers because of it; both from this parents and society (school mostly). It's poignant because throughout Trevor tells himself that he "looks normal" and "feels normal" but apparently everyone else can see something different about him that he can't see himself, otherwise why would they treat him as they do?



The film is almost lighthearted in it's acting but the message is strong and in your face. Not everyone is "like you" and who are you to demand that of anyone anyways. Why demand people be "normal" because what does normal mean anyhow? Normal to you (any you) means to bully people into changing themselves to suit you and make you happy. So is bullying a characteristic of "normal"?



When you look in the mirror do you see "normal" or is there always something about you that you would change, and are these changes possible; like losing weight or cutting your hair, or something impossible like changing the color of your eyes....or your sexuality? It seems bullies, both adult and children, demand we change things about ourselves to please them in some way.



If you are gay, change that because I am not gay and everyone should be like me. You might not be gay, but you're a homophobic hateful bully with a black heart that cannot accept people for who they are without taking it personal and wanting to force them to change. Why should I be like you...are you normal?



I loved this short film because it says so much in such a short time. The message is direct and easy to understand; not everyone is the same and what a better place the world is because of it. We are not all cookie cutter personalities with desires and dreams that match...what a boring world it would be if it were.



For those of you who point a finger at those of us who aren't normal (and yes I include myself because...really...there isn't too much normal about me. I'm fucked up in so many ways you don't even know), when you look in the mirror are you completely satisfied with the person looking back at you...or is there something...just a little something, you would change to better suit your idea, or societies idea, of what constitutes "normal"?



Nobody is perfect, we all have our flaws, but when you look at me (any me) with my short body, red hair, long spindly legs, stutter, freckles, pudgy belly, gangly walk, non stop tick, bad teeth and bad skin, green eyes, blue eyes, brown eyes...my sexuality... when you look at me and don't like what you see and decide you have the right to point it out and demand I change it....let me ask you this....why should I?



Do you stay awake at night unable to sleep because I wear clothes that offend you, because I have thoughts that offend you, because I dance, talk, laugh, sit, eat or do nothing at all and that still somehow offends you, or is it because I found love, the hardest of all emotions to find, keep, and cherish, with someone you don't agree with...and you find that the biggest offense of all. Why are you losing sleep over this...why are you shaking your head, clenching your fists and feeling a sense of revulsion at my happiness and gratitude that I. Found. Love.?



Why are you standing there feeling superior that you are hetero that you are "normal" and that you are doing God's work by sending me and my "type" to hell simply because I love? God created me with the ability to love...He did not create me with the ability to choose whom I love. Why should I be punished for His omission?



When we are young our parents tell us...one day you will grow up and find someone to love and who loves you. What they don't tell us is that society must first agree with our choice because society has a say in who we love...even though we ourselves have absolutely NO say in who we fall in love with. Is loving someone something we choose? Can we point at a person and say..."hey, I think I will make myself fall in love with you today"....can hetero's do that? I'm guessing they can because they seem to assume gay people can do that too.



I cannot stand people who bully, people who judge, people who spend so much time up on their "holier than thou" soapbox that they can't live among the rest of us.... without looking down.



Must we always find reasons to look down on people...why not find reasons to look up to them instead? I find that the kind of normal everyone should strive for. The world is in the fucked up condition it is today because we spend so much time looking for differences in each other that we miss all the similarities.



Speak out against bullies...even if you don't like something you see in others...neither you nor anyone else has the right to demand they change it. Even if you use God as your "excuse"...just turn a blind eye to someones "defect", to their gayness, just like you turn a blind eye and keep silent about so many other "un-religious" actions so many of your faith engage in. Just add this one to that list...won't ya?

Or does that whole...live and let live thing ... just pertain to YOU and your "lifestyle choices"?

Why?...Because its the law!

My youngest daughter does not have a passport at the ripe old age of 14. Previously she was on her fathers passport as a baby but when he had his renewed...she was old enough to have her own. Up until now I never had need to make her one but now the need has arrived and what I thought was going to be a fairly straight forward transaction has instead tuned into headache of brain squeezing proportions.

It would seem that her father is the only one allowed by law to make one for her...why? you might ask...as I did several times...well, apprently nobody knows exactly why...they just know its the law. Now why would there be a law...or even a need for a law..in which the father of a child is the only one that can make a passport for that child? What if there is no father...he died or walked off the face of the earth? Or maybe even abducted by aliens...then what? The child doesnt get a passport? Does the legal authority to make a passport for that child now fall on the shoulders of any uncles or brothers that child may have? How exactly does this work I want to know?

But really, my main concern...the one that is buzzing around my head like an angry bee trying to find its way out...is, why isnt the mother of a child legally allowed to make a passport for her child? What exactly is the point of being the mother of a child if you have no legal rights to do anything on behalf of your child? I find this absurd and extremely gender biased law a slap in the face of mothers of Bahraini children everywhere...Im surprised they dont protest and get pissed off about it like I am. What are they if not a legal guardian of their child until he or she reaches maturity...and as a legal guardian you have the right to do anything that is needed or required for your child. Does the presence of a father automatically negate the parental rights and legal authority of a mother over her children? Must she sit meekly by while all legal authority of her child is taken from her and given to someone else...possibly someone that doesnt deserve nor should have legal authority over that child?

My personal stake in this is that my childs father(such as he is) is no longer in the picture of our family. He has given up parental rights by force...not choice....when he decided his daughters were sexual playthings to use in whatever fashion excited him most. So, believe me when I clearly state that I want nothing to do with him nor do I want anything from him....and yet according to the law in Bahrain I must pick up the phone and call that animal and ask him to make a passport for his daughter...because even though he is scum and has no right to even be free walking the streets...he has more authority in the eyes of the law than I do over my child when it comes to making legal documents. Could someone explain this conundrum to me cause it just aint fitting into my head all proper and sensible like?

Now what should I do...or any mother for that matter...that had a less then happy separation and divorce from her husband...the result being much animosity and whispered prayers of a fire inspired punishment on the Day of Judgement for that "father" that treated his child/children in such a heinous manner...when I approach him and am forced to ask him for "a favour" such as making a passport for "our" daughter...what should I do if he just laughs in my face and tells me to forget it? What recourse do I have in this situation...will the Ministry of Passports see past the redtape and let me apply on her behalf anyway...or will they insist I make nice with dear daddy and get him to agree to do it for her? Do they even consider for a moment the hardships they inflict on women/mothers in this country by making such gender biased laws that officially give all rights to men/fathers...and almost no rights to women/mothers?

And what I really want to know is...why the hell arent Bahraini mothers or mothers of Bahraini children up in arms about this? Protesting outside some Ministry or another...taking time out on Fridays to go hold up a sign and chant slogans about reducing the role of mothers to housemaids and sexual slaves to husbands with no rights over their own children? It would seem Bahrain is not that much different to Saudi in a lot of respects...and with the antics of these Court of Jesters....er MP's....I fear we will be even more like Saudi before too long...and I wonder if Bahrainis themselves will sit quietly by while that happens...silence means acceptance. If you accept your rights being taken away...then you have no "right" to complain about it later...right?

Well...my solution is easy really....bypass the idiotic laws of this patriarchal govt that views women as mere child bearers with no authority over those children...and skip on down to the US Embassy and make her an American passport...a passport that will have more value for her in the future...than the Bahraini passport that is currently being handed out to every foreigner that steps foot on these sands...but not to Bahraini children themselves...if they dont have a father to sign on the dotted line...sigh!